NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION? WHAT IS YOUR RECOVERY PLAN FOR 2016? Some people who come into CoDA for the first time seem to have a strong desire to recover. People like this are a marvel to see because they can almost magically breathe life into the Codependent recovery community! This is especially true when maybe that community hasn't had someone come by who was "really serious" in a while. Of course, some people don't stick with recovery at all; other people may get discouraged or frustrated and lose their ze ...Continue Reading

CoDA Email Lists & Spam Filters (Please Read) Some of the emails we have sent you from the email list(s) you're subscribed to have may have been bounced by your email provider as spam. This is happening because some providers have their filter configured to see specific (unknown to us) words as spam. Unfortunately, this has been going on for several months, and it is impacting CoDA; the most significant impact is that when one filter labels CoDA email as spam, many other filters get that information and make it h ...Continue Reading

Here are some thoughts on Codependency & Recovery (They represent the author’s thoughts and experiences and are not endorsed by CoDependents Anonymous.) • Codependency is about focusing on, taking care of, and fixing others. Recovery is about focusing on and taking care of me, and being supportive of others. I believe that codependency is a set of survival mechanisms and behaviors learned in childhood to protect against abuse from our primary care givers and others. As adults these behaviors and beliefs are self ...Continue Reading

Validation I recognized at about 52 years of age that I was a people pleaser, approval seeker, always thought I was nice, helpful, giving... Good, right? No! Now I know the truth! I was becoming a doormat! Nothing attractive about that!! So I realized it, but what did I do about it? I started attending CODA meetings, and now at 55 years of age, I am reading and listening to all of the quality information I can find. Because now I'm finding out why. One can only put on a Band-Aid, take a pill, drink a drink in an attem ...Continue Reading

Many CoDA emails are being put in your spam folder by aol. If you would be willing to go into your aol spam folder & check every CoDA email & select "not spam" that would insure future delivery & greatly help CoDA.                             In Service,                   &nbs ...Continue Reading

I Am Enough I was feeling lonely. By working the steps I realize that I was ignored as a child. I was told, by their actions that I wasn't important. But I was. As an adult, I continued this dysfunction by ignoring myself. I believed that others were more important than I was. This attracted people into my life that also believed they were more important than I was. I would spend years doing whatever it took to get noticed, which included many positive and negative actions. Now I know I'm enough. I take care of myself ...Continue Reading

Codependency and My Dog When my dog wags his tail, I smile. He is happy. So, I'm happy. Often, all I have to do is walk into the living room and I'll hear the thumping of his tail on the hardwood floor. It is his visible and audible sign that he is happy to see me. When I return home from work and he runs over to greet me, I enjoy that feeling of being needed. I am codependent with my dog and I'm OK with that. I don't go to codependents anonymous because I am codependent. As the CoDA blue book says, we are all a litt ...Continue Reading

We'd like to take his opportunity to remind you of the best methods to bypass improperly programmed spam filters. In a nutshell, it basically involves putting the sender's address (in our case, Announcements: codalist@codependents.org Weekly Reading: co-nnectionreadings@codependents.org QSR: qsrsend@codependents.org Hospitals & Institutions: hosp@codependents.org ) In your contacts / address book / white list Also as an fyi, aol users are having issues receiving many emails; it's especially important to do t ...Continue Reading

I Went To My First Meeting Last Week . . . ... and I walked in terrified as ever. I am 28 years old and for the first time in my life I realize that I am codependent. I have been labeled, but it's true. I am recently separated from a man and stepson and am alone for the first time in my life. I have always supported others and never myself. I find myself deeply depressed and lost. I want out! I want a new life. I want to live like other people that seem so happy The first meeting was awesome. I cried before anyone sho ...Continue Reading

Kathie's Story It has been 3 years this month since I started back in CoDA on a regular basis. I used to come randomly for 3-5 previous years, which doesn't work or didn't work for me. I have learned so much from CoDA from my friends in my group. Watching everyone grow made me realize that I must be growing and changing, also. I have made some really wonderful friendships in my group. People that I love and care about. They have taught me it is ok to be vulnerable. They don't judge me. When I talk at the meeting everyo ...Continue Reading

Kathie's Story It has been 3 years this month since I started back in CoDA on a regular basis. I used to come randomly for 3-5 previous years, which doesn't work or didn't work for me. I have learned so much from CoDA from my friends in my group. Watching everyone grow made me realize that I must be growing and changing, also. I have made some really wonderful friendships in my group. People that I love and care about. They have taught me it is ok to be vulnerable. They don't judge me.  When I talk at the meeti ...Continue Reading

Valerie's Story When I first started going to meetings, I lived in an area where there were a lot to choose from. I now live in an area where there are only three. We have a very vibrant Saturday meeting where we feel pretty isolated and I know that many old-timers are concerned about the lack of CODA in the community. I'd like to be of service in any way I can to those who need it here in my community. I know myself enough to know how much effort I can put into things; I no longer engage in doing the volunteer work ...Continue Reading

Thank you Thank you all for being here And teaching me to be HERE… How life takes course It ebbs and flows And once again That I let go... Sometimes hard I feel like crying Sometimes fun I feel like flying In this group we learned a lot Alone with my fears? I say not! Maybe the beginning wasn’t best But with your help I’ve got the rest! Thanks, Michelle May 18, 2015 You can review previous 2015 readings here: http://codependents.org/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/list/connections/ And older readings here: http ...Continue Reading

Hi, we hope you've found the weekly reading helpful & inspirational! We're writing today, looking for CoDA members who would be interested in contributing to the Weekly Readings in 1 of 2 ways: 1. We're looking for new material to send out for the Weekly Reading. We are interested in receiving submissions from CoDA members that represent the authentic experience of recovery. We are especially looking for submissions that not only focus on the pain and struggle associated with codependency, but that also points to ...Continue Reading

                                             I Cry Alone Most nights Most days Most anytime your smile comes to mind. Kind folks ask me how I'm doin. Others whisper, "she's been through a lot. I feel sorry for her." The truth be told - I feel sorry for me or at least I have felt that way. When ...Continue Reading

Julie B.’s Story Hello CoDA Family, My name is Julie B, a recovering codependent. I was a grateful member of the CoDA Board of Trustees from 2009 – 2012. Serving on the CoDA Board of Trustees accelerated my spiritual growth on the “diamond lane of recovery”. Here are some highlights: • I utilized the tools of our program; Steps, Traditions, Service Concepts, and Promises. • I practiced the spiritual principles in a safe setting with Board members, Committee members, Delegates, Fellow Service Workers, etc… from aro ...Continue Reading

                                                                    Jenica's Story I was approaching my birthday and decided to write down some goals I hoped to see manifest by my 30th year ...Continue Reading

                              Do The Right Thing But make sure to participate and contribute to the world What matters most is your business and minding your business Be kind,loving,and peaceful Treasure every bit of magic you encounter along the way What is precious can be fleeting Think what you want but be mindful about what you say as well as how you say it Break the ...Continue Reading

ARE YOU SABOTAGING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS? How are your relationships? Business? Personal? Family? Friendships? Romantic? Yourself? Any issues? Any recurring patterns? The first reaction is to blame it on the other party. It's easier to see the faults in others than in ourselves. Though relationships take two to tango. We must have had something to do with it. They say most of our problems are of our own making. So how do we honestly look at our part in our relationships and take responsibility for them so we can change a ...Continue Reading

But... I Joined CoDA To Stop Myself From Doing Too Much! (Excerpted From A Longer Article) I believe this issue is one of the reasons we've had so much trouble attracting new intergroup members. First, we do not encourage new comers to CoDA to join intergroup, there is much service to be done at the meeting level! But once one has 6 months - 1 year (depending on the person) service on a larger scale can be a wonderful opportunity to grow in CoDA. I've personally found doing service to be a great way to learn to set b ...Continue Reading

My Name is Byron Hi, My name is Byron and I am codependent. My story to my codependent fans is one of heartbreak and one of discovery. A true novel! I am 25 and have had everyone around me for the last 16 years. I am putting the finishing touches on a divorce and I am alone for the first time in a long time. So now I’m dealing with 1. DIVORCE and 2. CODEPENDENCY. A double whammy and one that I do not wish on anyone. I went to my first meeting last night and was blown away that other people have the same problems tha ...Continue Reading

Laurel's Story I grew up the youngest of four in the 80s. My mother was the breadwinner and worked long hours. My father was the stay-at-home parent. In retrospect I'm pretty sure my dad has borderline & narcissistic personality disorders, as well as being an addict. Apparently when he and my mom met he was abusing narcotics. After they had their first child (my brother) he quit all illegal substances, but now--again, in retrospect--I would call him a "dry drunk". However, when I was a child and did not ...Continue Reading

We are having ALOT of problems with "keyword" spam filters, especially with smaller email providers. If you are not receiving our weekly readings & you wish to; please add "co-nnectionreadings@codependents.org" (without the quotes) to your contact list / address book / whitelist both on your account of your email provider's website and on any spam filters running on your computer. If you are subscribed to the Weekly Readings List & are not receiving the Tuesday mailings I can all but guarant ...Continue Reading

                                                                      Susan's Story I grew up in an unhappy household. My parents argued and fought angrily all the time. There wer ...Continue Reading

                                                                 My Story I am a Lebanese Muslim female in my late 40's, living in the UAE for the last 15 years. English is my 3rd language. I will do my be ...Continue Reading

My experience serving on the CoDA Board I will never forget the question arriving in my inbox, “Will you run for the Board?” I was stunned to think that someone thought that I might have something of value to offer our Fellowship. Within about a month I was voted to the Board of Trustees. During my 3 year term, I experienced every emotion possible – the first and foremost being fear. I found that my HP met my fear with great courage, strength and faith. I learned to work my program of recovery in a deeper manner. I use ...Continue Reading

My experience serving on the CoDA Board I will never forget the question arriving in my inbox, “Will you run for the Board?” I was stunned to think that someone thought that I might have something of value to offer our Fellowship. Within about a month I was voted to the Board of Trustees. During my 3 year term, I experienced every emotion possible – the first and foremost being fear. I found that my HP met my fear with great courage, strength and faith. I learned to work my program of recovery in a deeper manner. I u ...Continue Reading

                               Sometimes I Just Need To Keep My Mouth Shut Sometimes I just need to keep my mouth shut. I grew up believing that I had to save the world. Everything was crashing around me, my father’s drinking, my mother’s silence and denial. I had to keep myself distracted from the painful reality by keeping myself distracted. As I strip away my addiction ...Continue Reading

                                                                    Wise Words Slogans have always appealed to me. I need things short and simple and, for me, slogans and phrases get right ...Continue Reading

Words Of Wisdom 2001 (A Collection of sayings heard at meetings) What someone else thinks of me is none of my business. Submitted by, RM With my Higher Power's help, everything that is possible, is possible. Submitted by Carole D The only meeting you are late for is the one where you miss the closing prayer. Submitted by, RM Our serenity level is inversely proportionate to our level of expectation. Submitted by Racquel M. Life is how YOU change it Submitted by Denise When I share in meetings, It is my job to ope ...Continue Reading

We have a favor to ask of our members who use Hotmail, Outlook or MSN. On the bottom of every email we send out there is a link that says, "Want to remove yourself from this mailing list at any time? Use this link:" & right below that, is a link. By using that method you can easily unsubscribe from the list. We would greatly appreciate it if you would not use the gmail "unsubscribe" or "spam" button. There are 2 reasons: 1. Everytime someone unsubscribes in that manner, Hotmail p ...Continue Reading

We have a favor to ask of our members who use gmail. On the bottom of every email we send out there is a link that says, "Want to remove yourself from this mailing list at any time? Use this link:" & right below that, is a link. By using that method you can easily unsubscribe from the list. We would greatly appreciate it if you would not use the gmail "unsubscribe" or "spam" button. There are 2 reasons: 1. Everytime someone unsubscribes in that manner, gmail puts it down as a neg ...Continue Reading

                                                                       I Am Enough In a crowded mall this Christmas, I went to pick up a small utility item. I don't need to s ...Continue Reading

                                                                   Love, Support and CoDA Through love and the support of CoDA, I have learned some astounding things about the God of my understa ...Continue Reading

                                                                The First Shame Attack The first shame attack that I remember was in kindergarten. Today it remains vivid in my mind, more than forty years later ...Continue Reading

                          "True Love In Balance" In recovery from codependency I discovered the patterns I learned long ago that prevent me from being authentic and allowing the unmet emotional needs of my heart to be met. First, I would anticipate what others wanted or needed and then I would accommodate those needs. If my needs were in conflict, I would acquiesce to the other person's ...Continue Reading

The following is the opinion of the writer (a valued CoDA member), & is NOT officially endorsed by CoDependents Anonymous. Importance of Working the Steps 1) What is meant by "working the Steps"? For me, working the Steps means studying them and applying them. I study the Steps by reading different literature like the CoDA pamphlets or other 12 Step literature, and attending Step meetings. By studying the Steps I come to an understanding of what they mean to me. Then I practice using them in my daily li ...Continue Reading

Rewards of Recovery I could write a novel, however I have chosen to keep this brief. Recovery is living life. I started seeing a therapist one year ago, I was (like most Codependents) involved with an alcoholic. When I began to realize that I was just as sick as the alcoholic, I chose to end the relationship so that I could get better. I can honestly tell you that LIFE FOR ME BEGAN AT 30! I look back now and think that I was sicker than the alcoholic!!! (and he was the one who was nuts) I will tell you, recovery ...Continue Reading

I feel so lucky and blessed to have found CoDA My name is Marguerite and I am a recovering codependent. I feel so lucky and blessed to have found CoDA. I feel that my HP led me here, when I had no place else to go. For the first time in years, I feel hope and a sense of certainty that things are going to be okay, and that I am really, really okay, too. It hit me just a few weeks ago, as I sat alone, crouched in my own home with all the lights off, hiding. I felt helpless and things felt out of control. The police had ...Continue Reading

1 Year Birthday           I’d like to preface my story with a disclaimer that the beginning of my recovery is a parallel with two 12­step programs ­ AA and CoDA. I’ll go between the two, referencing one and then the other, because both were crucial to my realization that I had the disease of codependency, as well as the symptoms (alcoholism and drug addiction) that manifested as a result of trying to self­medicate and treat that disease. One year and one week a ...Continue Reading

                         Why do service work?                 How can service work advance my recovery? People get involved in service work for many different reasons. Some do it because they want to control what is going on in their sphere within CoDA. Others do it because they think that they are the only one who knows what i ...Continue Reading

              Reward Of Recovery - 3 years later                            September 28, 2001 I've just celebrated 4 years in recovery. As I look back and read my initial one year anniversary letter, I see now that I had simply uncovered the tip of the iceberg. I'd established a foundation. What followed has been truly miracul ...Continue Reading

      Enough My blessings overwhelm me Why am I afraid of stepping out further onto the fruitful branch? Am I not content with what I have? Is it not enough? When I was small I was never enough I never had enough or was good enough Those dissatisfactions came from outside disapprovals Now I am big and I surely have enough It’s time to step out far onto the limb to change, metamorphose the words... For now, the “not enough” is not about my dissatisfactions It’s about natural evolution of growth ...Continue Reading

Amends I have heard people in the program complain about others owing them amends. When the other person admitted their wrong doing and vowed to change the amends were not accepted because they didn’t say they were sorry. Is saying, "I’m sorry" an amends? Or is there a lot more to it. Webster’s definition for Amend (on the internet); 1: To put right 2a: to change or modify for the better 2b: to alter, to reform oneself Synonym – correct My first sponsor told me it was not important whether the person I was ...Continue Reading

                                   Good Things I read the affirmation today, "I deserve the good things that happen in my life" and it took me by surprise. As a codependent from an alcoholic background my focus and energy was always directed toward preventing major catastrophes from happening to others and myself. It seemed as though the good ...Continue Reading

       The Daily Eleventh Step When I first began in recovery, over eight years ago, I read in a daily meditation book about a woman who used the eleventh step as a guide to the other steps. As I was an experienced meditator I latched on to this concept. Meditation was a familiar tool, and I have used it daily to increase my understanding of all 12 of the steps. When I meditate, I breathe in harmony with the slogan "Let Go, Let God". I breathe out while holding in my mind the tho ...Continue Reading

Do you enjoy the weekly recovery readings? Do you like carrying the message of recovery? Would you like to be a part of the Co-NNections committee? If you answered yes to the above questions, WE WANT YOU!!! The Co-NNections committee is currently looking for new members. Skills that would be helpful could include: Excitement & joy about codependency recovery Knowledge of the Traditions Strong writing and editing skills Available for occasional teleconferences Email & computer skills Our major focus is o ...Continue Reading

I Am Healthy By Kay K. It is amazing to be able to say that! I will say it again, I am a whole, happy, healthy, loving woman. I was sick for the first 40 years of my life. Like millions of other human beings I grew up immersed in the family disease of alcoholism. For generations it has plagued my family. The unbalanced life I led is so common in our society; I didn?t know anything was wrong. I was a participant in the chaos, confusion, neuroses, pain and suffering, which is present in dysfunctional families. I call it ...Continue Reading

Recovery      I look at the young child So free and so wild. She seems so unsure Like there is something more... She lives through the days Looking for ways To make it okay Through night and through day. Her home’s a disguise she sees through her eyes. Something’s not right, So she put up a fight. Her soul is pure her heart is gold, She wants a hug, a hand to hold. It’s just not there She wonders why... So many times she starts to cry. “It’s not your fault!” I try to say To make ...Continue Reading

We have discovered since we started sending you the readings in the actual email that smaller service providers using enterprise spam filters such as Barracuda & Spam Assassin are frequently marking our readings as spam & not delivering them. Unfortunately it's takes very little to labeled as spam (our last 2 sendings had huge problems with that), & it is very inconsistent what will cause one of the thousands of filters used to do so. We ask that you add co-nnectionreadings@codependents.org to your contact ...Continue Reading

                                 Death and Recovery Last year a former member of my CoDA meeting, Toni, committed suicide. She attended the meeting for about two years and moved to another city. Toni maintained a strong friendship with another member here, Lesley. One Monday, Toni didn't show up for work. Lesley expressed concern and fear as she processed what sh ...Continue Reading

                      Helpful Affirmations                   I am accepting of others and myself.   I am confident!   I am flexible, friendly, and fulfilled.   I am self-affirming.   I experience joy.   I am a spirited and spiritual person.   I feel blessed to have many opportunities in my life.   Today, I ch ...Continue Reading

               The Daily Eleventh Step When I first began in recovery, over eight years ago, I read in a daily meditation book about a woman who used the eleventh step as a guide to the other steps. As I was an experienced meditator I latched on to this concept. Meditation was a familiar tool, and I have used it daily to increase my understanding of all 12 of the steps. When I meditate, I breathe in harmony with the slogan "Let Go, Let God" ...Continue Reading

Amends I have heard people in the program complain about others owing them amends. When the other person admitted their wrong doing and vowed to change the amends were not accepted because they didn't say they were sorry. Is saying, "I'm sorry" an amends ? Or is there a lot more to ii. Webster 's definition for Amend (on the internet);   1: To put right 2a: to change or modify for the better 2b: to alter, to reform oneself Synonym - correct My first sponsor told me it was not important whether the ...Continue Reading

                     Acceptance to Grace There are times in my life when circumstances arise that I want to be different, that I feel are unfair, that test my will and patience. What I am learning and living is that God's grace is always there if I ask for it. When I try to control my emotions, when I try to control circumstances, when I try to change others I make my self sick with worry and lose my connection to all th ...Continue Reading

Boundaries Boundaries are borders We draw to preserve, The distance between What's mine and what's yours They keep pain out and peace within, And are a necessary tool If you desire to win This game of life So complicated it seems, As if heaven could only exist in a dream These boundaries help us create peace on earth And remind us of our Natural rights from birth In recovery we're reminded of this awesome truth, So we own our power with no excuse. Jennifer T. (2009) If you have written an inspirational short pie ...Continue Reading

The contents of this email are from the CoDA Co-Nnections committee, co-nnectionreadings@codependents.org To our valued CoDA Fellowship Weekly Reading Subscribers: Great news: The weekly recovery readings have returned! You will likely be receiving the first one within the next week. At least in the short run, the reading will likely be in the email you receive from this list, rather then just a pointer to the website as you received in the past. Our long term plan is to use both methods; if you have any feedback on ...Continue Reading

The contents of this email are from the CoDA Co-NNections committee, connections@coda.org Dear Weekly Readings Subscribers, I'm happy to know that many of you look forward to the Weekly Readings and saddened that it has been awhile since a different Weekly Reading has been posted. It's been one month since the new Co-NNections website was finished.   The problem that we have is a technical issue with the software used to create this website. "Mura" is the software platform and doesn't have a random pag ...Continue Reading

We've received emails from several CoDA members asking why we have not sent a Weekly Readings Reminder in quite awhile. The answer is that when the CoDA.org website was re-designed Co-NNections was given a new website; though it will appear to you that you are still on the main CoDA site. That site is not ready yet, & it is not currently possible to post new readings; hence we haven't been sending the reminders. Also for the same reason, the links in previous mailings are no longer functional. There is a partia ...Continue Reading

We've received emails from several CoDA members asking why we have not sent a Weekly Readings Reminder in quite awhile. The answer is that when the CoDA.org website was re-designed Co-NNections was given a new website; though it will appear to you that you are still on the main CoDA site. That site is not ready yet, & it is not currently possible to post new readings; hence we haven't been sending the reminders. Also for the same reason, the links in previous mailings are no longer functional. There is a partial ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself, is located at the end of this message.) We're sending you this email to let you know of a change in our email list software's unsubscription process. You can no longer unsubscribe on the website. The only way to unsubscribe at this time is to click the unsubscribe link in the email you receive. If for any reason that doesn't work; please email codalist@codependents.org or respond to any list email & I can unsubscribe you manually. We apologize for this c ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself, is located at the end of this message.) For unknown reasons, the unsubscribe links in our bulk email program are broken for some users (including myself). The programmer is on vacation until May 1st. He has been informed of the issue by email. If you wish to unsubscribe before then & are unable to, please email us at this address & I will manually unsubscribe you. Geff R CoDA Email ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself, is located at the end of this message.) *********************************************************************************** The new Co-NNections weekly reading has been posted. To view it, go to: http://coda.org/week-read.php *********************************************************************************** To forward this email to a friend, please click the link below. https://codependents.org/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/archive/connections//#forward_to_a_frien ...Continue Reading