(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) ‘Who am I?” Born as a butterfly After so many things in my early life Absorbing so many negative beliefs Hearing all of these and believing I realized I was hidden In a cocoon Then, on a very difficult night CoDA came into my life Finally a relief I was in the dark Dying through the minutes Through the pain Through my mind. Expecting too much Living too less Hoping nothing One speaking voice ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) 16. January 2013 Who am I Who am I? They tell me I am a strong person, I will cope with grief and get on with life. Who am I? They tell me I am a caring person willing to give a helping hand, be there for others when needed. Who am I? They tell me I am a logical thinker, that I can solve problems, seem to be in control of my life. Am I all that what others say of me? Or am I what I know of my ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) The following affirmations were picked up elsewhere, but they are now mine as I incorporate them in my life in CoDa recovery Everything you want is on the other side of Fear ... FEAR = Forgetting Everything is All Right FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real FEAR = Face Everything And Rise FEAR = Feel anxiety and Recover (refuse to be overcome by it) To live our lives fully, we must lose our fear of being ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) For those celebrating the holidays the Co-NNections Committee would like to wish you a wonderful season and New Year. *Thank you to everyone who made a submission to the Weekly Reading this past year! * However, the Co-NNections Committee regrets that there is no CoDA Fellowship Recovery Story today. *We have run out of stories to share with you. * If you believe as we do that these CoDA Weekly Readings are ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) *Meditations Written at CSC 2000* A Rain of Tears to Wash the Soul Afresh We have all known sadness; some of us know depression even better. Our disease makes us see the world and other people in a distorted fashion. We think what we see is real and act on it. The results make us think everyone else is crazy so we try to make them conform to our way of doing things. We try to control them. When we acknowled ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Words Of Wisdom 2017 (A collection of short readings) *H*ere are my magic words of recovery. Maybe they can be so for you as well. Oops: I can't always get it right so why be ashamed of it? Ouch: I deserve to be treated respectfully and only I can train others to do so. Help: Who said I have to do it alone? No: The most important word of all. Only I can decide for my life. /JBR – 12/4/17 / *S*ometimes in l ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) No doubt my years of recovery work had primed me for this. However, I was taken aback by how much another person’s story triggered my recognition of my own life. It was a story read in a meeting about chaos and addiction, of acting out and careening from person to person, job to job and place to place. All seemingly an effort to block the childhood pain of abandonment. I had recognized my own patterns of av ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) *Recovery From Isolation* I've noticed that when I experience something in my life that sets me back a little, one of the first things I do is isolate from others. I start not returning phone calls or in some cases just not answering the phone. I cancel dinners, coffees, trips because I just don't feel like being around people. Some of that is good; it shows me that I'm learning to listen to myself and hono ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Words Of Wisdom 2005 (A Collection of sayings heard at meetings) Don’t give up 5 minutes before the miracle Submitted by, Kathie Never go to the desert for water. We have two choices "hang on or fall off. Which will you choose? Submitted by, Nancy Lynn P. If you can't practice these principles in all your affairs, you have too many affairs. You can't keep what you won't give away Justifying by say ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) /_Serenity and Hope_/ Today I have grown- this neediness I let go- serenity has creeped- into my soul. This hope I had longed for- Is taking root- Down this once-dirty ole shoot- Letting go-I'm growing old- Serenity and hope gaining control. It's settled down the old bones- not as loud.. Serenity and hope- has been my shroud. I have seen the miracle- In this very moment- Serenity and Hope- Ha ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with one click, is located at the end of this message.) The CoDA Co-NNections Committee’s Book Work Group seeks service workers to curate archived fellowship stories for inclusion in an anthology. Please send your interest along with relevant experience you believe appropriate to bwg@coda.org. You can review previous 2015 - 2017 readings here: http://codependents.org/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/list/connections/ . Older readings are here: http://connections.coda.or ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) My best friend passed away after having a valve replaced in her heart. We had an argument in the Hospital the day before she was to be discharged. I went home; and her Daughter and friend picked her up the next day. They spent the day, but left her alone and she died, on the floor. I walked around numb for months. I got a therapist. I told him my life was inside out and backwards. I tried to help everyone; ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) *Away from Codependency* Awareness patterns: 1. I identify what I am feeling. 2. I clearly recognize how I feel. 3. I am dedicated to my own well-being. Strong self-esteem patterns: 1. I pride myself in making decisions. 2. I recognize in a positive manner everything I think, say, and do. 3. I take pride in receiving recognition, praise, or gifts. 4. I ask others to meet my needs or desires. 5. I value m ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Into Action! I have been aware of my codependency for some years now, but I had not addressed it honestly, after all, wasn't being an alcoholic enough without the burden of another disease! I thought it would disappear as long as I stayed in AA .... until I found myself separated and lonely with no emotional crutch. Gradually over the next 5 painful years I saw that my whole existence required another pers ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Honest, Open, Willing Years ago when my husband, John, and I separated, I was forced to give up my drug of choice, John. I could no longer make myself feel good by focusing on him and what I perceived as his problems. The result was I became overwhelmed by my feelings of abandonment. I quickly substituted in another pain killer, binge shopping. At that time, the first Target store in our city opened less t ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Love is knowing when to walk away. Love is finally understanding that love isn’t putting someone in a box. It’s choosing the ache of silence over the regret of putting my own foot in my mouth. It’s the nights I stay up making lists of pros and cons To try decide If it’s worth this risk for a simple, “Hey.” It’s the relief I feel in the morning that I did NOT do that. You see, love isn’t in the ache ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Having suffered two failed marriages, I had to ask the question, “What is wrong with me?” It seemed that the more I gave, the less I got in return. If I tried harder, was selfless, jumped though more hoops, or did aerial acrobatics, then maybe, just maybe, my spouse would be kind, empathetic and loving. It took years to find the courage to leave my second husband. Who wants to be divorced, let alone twice? ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Today I am in the throes of my codependency, and it’s so painful to admit that I'm not where, in my head, I believe I should be. And yet CoDA 12 Step has taught me, gleefully, that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. Now I can exhale. Because of decades of struggling in and out of recovery, sometimes believing that I could do recovery by myself, Consciousness did for me and others like me what we could no ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) "The Value of Service from the “CoDA In This Moment Daily Meditation book for August 25". My sponsor has done service at the four levels of the program. While he never advised or urged me to do service I saw how good it was for him and made service at all levels of CoDA part of my recovery. I came into program a frightened guy hiding in isolation who avoided meaningful social interaction. Service ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) This is a non-negotiable, this life of being awake. Listening to the whisper of God, above the notifications, calls, texts, praises. Surrendering to the surrender. How do I forgive myself? Back up. How do I become willing? Back up. I admit I am powerless over myself and others and turn my life and will over to God. Please help me be ready. Sometimes it hurts too much to be present. But I am finding forgive ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) /Meeting in Print/ /(MiP)/, a CoDA Co-NNections subcommittee, is proud to announce that the latest issue of its publication, themed /"Path To Serenity"/. MiP is a quarterly publication that gives you the feeling of a live meeting while opening up space for texts, poetry, artwork and even music to help the CoDA community towards recovery. Each edition contains the following elements required in a ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Amends I have heard people in the program complain about others owing them amends. When the other person admitted their wrong doing and vowed to change the amends were not accepted because they didn’t say they were sorry. Is saying, "I’m sorry" an amends? Or is there a lot more to it. Webster’s definition for Amend (on the internet); 1: To put right 2a: to change or modify for the better 2b: to al ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) “In This Moment”, the CoDA Meditation book page 21: “I choose not to listen to my disease” As I sat pondering a topic; it occurred to me to pick up the daily meditation. I usually start my day off with recovery meditations but had not today because I chose to read from our Co-Dependence Anonymous book this morning so my routine was different, not in a negative way; I just changed my routine up. When I read ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) At times, my night is endless. Ablaze with racing thoughts, my World War ignites. The toxic fumes of my burning wheels assault my nose. Battles cries fill the air. How could you do this to me? Why don't you love me? Why are you so cruel? I don't know where to point the fingers of abuse. I'm so confused!!! Poisoned by the drama, I cry. Who is wrong and who is right? I'm so busy seeing through their eyes, tha ...Continue Reading

*Feathers* Little one, where did you leave your wings? Buried at the back of your desk cubby in the classroom? On the soccer field when you missed the goal? The eleventh time you were told children are not to be heard? Were they smothered, choked, and bound by shame? Remember when that boy placed a kick-me sticker on the back of your heart in the lunch line? I can tell you how to find them. When gold coins become sea foam, look under your pillow. *The Blue Light* I am all you need. I have been here the ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) I was mute - emotionally and vocally. My vision was dim and only directly ahead of me. My future stifled by my pained heart, confusion and anxiety. Always apologizing for who I was, what I thought and why I asked. Who am I without the overbearing tone glaring into my soul? Where was my ‘self’? My whole self? Where was the sky and limitless opportunities? My brain and heart were on ‘pause’ and paranoia was ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself, is located at the end of this message.) *_I’VE GOT CODA!_* *I see the beauty in the world* *‘round and ‘round as I twirl* *faster & faster until I fall* *fascinated by it all* *but where am I now?* *Sad, lonely, and confused* *wondering to myself, "What shall I do?"* *And then appears a road before me* *to guide me ahead * *"To a CoDA meeting"* *It had read.* *In the room so calm and quiet* *I found peace and knew by it* * ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself, is located at the end of this message.) To the CoDA Fellowship from the Meeting in Print Subcommittee, mip@coda.org Yesterday the subcommittee emailed you the announcement of the posting of the 4th edition of MiP. Two incorrect items were listed at the bottom of the Four Foundational Documents creating the impression that CoDA has six items that must be read at a meeting. Our apologies for our mistake. CoDA only has Four Required Foundational Documents: The W ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself, is located at the end of this message.) We have something special for this week's weekly reading: 2 historical Co-NNections Newsletters from 1998 have been found! They are similar to the current Meeting in Print, but these were created with technology from the 20th century so we've got scans of the printed newsletters for you. There's several great historical recovery readings on each newsletter from 1998 CoDA members, we hope you enjoy! Because these are pho ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself, is located at the end of this message.) /Meeting in Print/ /(MiP)/, a CoDA Co-NNections subcommittee, is proud to announce that the latest issue of its publication, themed /"Grateful for Recovery"/. MiP is a quarterly publication that gives you the feeling of a live meeting while opening up space for texts, poetry, artwork and even music to help the CoDA community towards recovery. Each edition contains the following elements required in a CoDA gro ...Continue Reading

Hearing What I Need to Hear Within the fellowship, I always hear something that I need to hear. I may not want to hear whatever it is - at least, my ego may not want to. If I let that take over yet again, then I am in trouble and back up on the cross. There are no bad examples - only good ones of what to do, and what not to do. This - sharing - helps me by reminding me of what I was like, what happened, and what I can be like if I choose to allow myself to slide back into those old habits and false beliefs. However, ha ...Continue Reading

A long time ago I saw a Ziggy cartoon where the title character was wearing a sandwich board sign that simply said "I'M SORRY". Many people didn't get it or thought it was stupid but I understood. I got it. I had felt that way my entire life. Apologetic. Shamed to be present in a world where I seemingly had no place. Where I never fit in. Was never good enough. My only sibling was seven years my senior. It was like having three parents --always with the eyes watching me for mistakes, untruths, awkwardness, fa ...Continue Reading

This is my 1 year in recovery letter. It feels like a lifetime ago that I walked into my first meeting. The person I was then is still with me today, but so much has changed. I have had so many transformative moments, surrendering’s, understandings, and a compassion and love for myself that is greater now than any other time in my life. But I realize, I have so much growing still to do in loving myself well. I still tend to feel more comfortable in suffering and chaos than in peace. But when I do feel peace I try to r ...Continue Reading

We're writing today looking for CoDA members who would be interested in contributing to the Weekly Readings. You can view previous 2015 - 2017 readings here: http://codependents.org/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/archive/connections/ We're looking for new material to send out for the Weekly Reading. We are interested in receiving submissions from CoDA members that represent the authentic experience of recovery. We are especially looking for submissions that not only focus on the pain and struggle associated with codependency, b ...Continue Reading

Seventh CoDA Birthday It has been said that every 7 years we have a totally new body. All cells have died and replicated into new ones. Likewise, I feel my life has gone through a miraculous change from chaos, pain and grief to a more ordered, peaceful and hopeful perspective over the past 7 years. I had hit a wall 30 years ago when my son was chemically dependent and all of us went to treatment. I continued to attend Al-Anon after leaving treatment, then found CoDA shortly after. When I read those “characteristics,” ...Continue Reading

 The Turning Point Years in the future reflecting fondly with glee, how my codependency recovery was blessed seeking new friendship so close to deep Sea... Beautiful souls crossed CoDA paths from stormy past lives, on journey to our awakenings shedding warm tears in Blue eyes... Healing my past feelings & letting go old resentments in life, made room for new thinking & new Love with less codependency strife... This was my turning point sharing experiences of dysfunctional lives, this was my starting point ...Continue Reading

I guess it seems kind of murky to see a straight line of recovery, but I know it is working under the table because my depression is lifting more often and I am finding myself acting stronger around others. I have nearly found a way to exist with my family of origin: extremely strict boundaries and virtually no contact with a narcissistic, hyper-critical bully mother who loves to tell me exactly what to do despite me telling her no, and a father who tried to kill me anytime I would try to state a boundary or do somethi ...Continue Reading

Surrender Surrender is a word I never liked! For me it conjured images of a leader in an ancient battle handing his sword to his foe or a boxing match where they throw in the towel. The word surrender felt like defeat. Yet in Step One, I was asked to admit powerlessness. In Steps Two and Three, I was asked to surrender to a Higher Power. I listened to the experience, strength and hope of fellow members, but I couldn’t shake how the word made me feel. So, I started pondering what was behind my feelings. After much ref ...Continue Reading

Dear Fellows, My name is Sarah. I am an alcoholic. I am also a chocoholic, a controlaholic, an obsessaholic, a shopaholic, and lots of other little "holics" too! My “isms” remain with me even after 11 years in AA. I had a nodding acquaintance with "this codependency stuff" but dismissed it as yet another issue I wanted to avoid. After all, I was told to KEEP IT SIMPLE! As the years rolled in, I realized that my codependent behavior was in practically everything I stood for. My mind bargained and m ...Continue Reading

I had three months of severe anxiety when I left a job I loved and started a new one. Anxiety is too small a word really; it was terror. Every day my heart pounded in my head, my stomach was knotted, and I was afraid that I would be annihilated even though I knew rationally that was not going to happen. On top of that fear was the anger and disappointment that I wasn't handling it all better. I am eighteen months into my CoDA programme, and I thought that this sort of thing wouldn't happen to me anymore but it did. I ...Continue Reading

I've worked a lot on my codependency and find that the relationship between employee and boss is the hardest to navigate for me. It is even harder because I believe my boss is a codependent not in recovery. The more I travel down the journey of recovery, the more I find myself frustrated over what to do. I've done a lot of research but haven't found anything that described what I was experiencing. I decided I just needed to sit down and write my own story that would hopefully help others. Most articles I found relati ...Continue Reading

I have always and still do struggle with insecurities; I not only struggle with mine but find myself in intimate relationships with significant others that do as well. It is a repetitive cycle I find myself in with myself and with others. It is about reminding myself that God is greater than my doubts, fear and insecurities, and he has not brought me this far to let me fall. I must also be reminded that it is not my place to take on anyone else's insecurities. It is my part to do the next right thing and it doesn't alw ...Continue Reading

The contents of this email are from the CoDA Legal Department, *legal@coda.org* *We have updated our privacy policy. Take time to read our revised Privacy Policy  which will go into effect 30 days from the date of this email. If you continue to use our services on or after that date, you will be agreeing to these new terms and policy changes. * *If you have any questions, please let us know here and we'll be happy to assist you.* *legal@coda.org* You can review previous ...Continue Reading

   I have been in CoDA just over a year now and have worked harder on my recovery in the last year of my life than I ever have on anything else. I rarely miss a meeting because it has become my lifeline. We have a very strong group with amazing people who are supportive and caring. I don't know what I would have done if I had not found CODA.     I grew up with an alcoholic father who expected perfection and a mother who denied he was an alcoholic. I was the youngest of 5 children and when I was ...Continue Reading

*CoDA Co-NNections Committee* *Service Workers Wanted* Google Docs expertise, book indexing experience, Table of Contents creation interest. *Requirements* One year of participation in Codependents Anonymous. *Purpose* To assist in the creation of a book of Fellowship Recovery Stories. *Where * Co-NNections Committee - Book Work Group If interested please email bwg@coda.org. In Fellowship, Don B, Co-NNections Committee Chair bwg@coda.org. You can review previous 2015 - 2017 readings here: http://codependen ...Continue Reading

Life before CODA was rough; it was like “black and white TV,” to quote a friend in recovery. I was lost in others, completely codependent on them and out of touch with who I was. I didn’t know what boundaries were, what self-care meant, about my likes and dislikes, my needs and wants, nor did I have much contact with my emotions and feelings. Empathy and sympathy were as foreign to me as Spain used to feel to me before I learned Spanish. CoDA helped from the first moment I went to a meeting and tearfully heard that I ...Continue Reading

 My life before CoDA was one full of anxiety, anger, control issues, and approval-seeking behavior—doing things I didn't want to do to be liked or loved, avoidance, and unable to handle changes in my life or when things didn't go the way that I had expected. I worked hard to try and make everyone happy. I couldn't make the hard or healthy choices. I didn't trust anyone or let myself be vulnerable to anyone. I never stood up for myself or spoke my thoughts to other family members because I didn't want to upset anyo ...Continue Reading

This may be of interest to any member who has recently attempted to submit an article to Co-NNections or plans to in the near future: Co-NNections just learned today that the Co-NNections "Submit your Article" link on coda.org is broken. We don't know how long it's been down. Co-NNections assures you that restoring this link is a priority for CoDA, & we hope it will be functional on Monday. Since the Co-Nnections Committee can't guarantee that, we wanted to provide you with an alternate means to submit ...Continue Reading

CODA has helped me to truly live and enjoy my life. I was able to quickly recognize my codependent behaviors. Before CoDA, I did not understand why others did not adore me! Wasn't I a helpful, fun, and friendly person? Didn't I give my all to my friendships? Why did my siblings often get upset with me? Was it just because I was the oldest child in the family? Why did I have so much trouble fitting in at my jobs? I thought I was a team player. Why did I give up on my jobs when the going got tough? I was perplexed all of ...Continue Reading

I am in charge of my life; my credit worthiness comes from inside. I am the driver in this game, and I can choose the fast or slow lane. I am in charge of my time and that feels fine. I set goals to thrive and choose compassion to survive. I am the one who calls the shots, but not in a mean way. Saying "NO" and "I'm not ready" are OK. I have emotional sobriety, and I hold it steady, wisely. If it makes me anxious or doesn't feel right, I can leave and hold myself tight. My inventory is m ...Continue Reading

I have been in our CoDA group for a year and have journaled throughout the meetings. I wanted to share some of my favorite quotes from the meetings: • Believe in your Higher Power and act like it. • What other people think of me doesn't matter. • I can accept that certain relationships aren't good for me. • You can't fix anyone but yourself. • It's okay to take care of yourself. • You can't make a cake and expect a pie. • Other people walk off with my happiness and I am ...Continue Reading

I have been with CoDA since June of 2016. I was in a marriage where I was constantly doing for my husband what he needed to do for himself. There was a lot of abuse and I was constantly chasing him and letting him use me as a doormat because his own addictions came first. My ex-husband has a god and it's not me. My survival tools from childhood were no longer working for me. My counselor told me about CoDA and I'm slowly understanding why I do what I do. I divorced in September of 2016. 2016 was a trying year and I loo ...Continue Reading

A letter to my husband: I am very sorry it has come to this. It is not what I envisioned for myself or us. I frickin’ hate the breaking up part, but I have to be honest and say that I am happy. I finally know that God loves me and that I can really trust him. It is hard to explain because I have been saying those words for a long, long time, but it is not until I finally learned that I am worthy of being loved that I learned to stop expecting perfection of myself and was able to truly experience the love of God. The ...Continue Reading

Good morning everyone, I am Sarah, my life is very good. It's taken me 57 years to honestly be able to say that, to feel "I'm ok" without guilt and one eye on the person beside who I was trying to impress! I'm free from the burdens I carried around all these years..... my mother’s illness, my dysfunctional childhood, all the wrongs I experienced, my dead marriage, my less than perfect life!!! I GREW UP! I realized only recently that although all these "terrible" things had occurred in my life, they ...Continue Reading

The contents of this email are from the Meeting In Print Subcommittee of the CoDA Co-NNections Committee mip@coda.org Hi CoDA community, Our new publication, Meeting in Print, is looking for two new members to join the work with delivering this increasingly popular CoDA recovery tool! We're looking for a Vetting Member and a Multimedia Member, see descriptions of what these members would do below. VETTING MEMBER * To look through the archive of submissions we have and: Organise them logically according to length (sh ...Continue Reading

Like many before me, I crawled into my first CODA meeting on my knees. I had struggled with 'life' for many years, but somehow managed to 'get by'. However in the autumn of 2014, something occurred. It was, in truth, nothing new -- another relationship failure. Then - a strange thought came into my head. Codependency. I had no idea, at the time, what on earth that meant. I now interpret it as my higher power telling me my issues were not to be solved on my own. I didn't even know what codependency was - there was no al ...Continue Reading

I only recently discovered that I suffer from Codependency when I made the very difficult and painful decision to separate from my my husband ... my best friend and soul mate of 28 years. We have only been married for 11 of those 28 years, but we may as well have been married the whole time. Though I have struggled with depression, anxiety, PTSD and ADHD for upwards of 35 years, there was really only one common thread through all of this..... my need to make everything OK and everyone happy, but neglecting my own needs ...Continue Reading

I came to CoDA (and, for many years, Emotions Anonymous) because I was in danger of losing my marriage as well as my relationship with our kids. I was raging constantly. I got into my marriage with the notion that I was the center, I was to be catered to., I would fly into a rage if my loved ones crossed me, disagreed with me, weren't able to be with me when I wanted them to be with me or give me what I thought I needed. I would fly into a rage simply if things didn't go my way (in which case I would find someone to bl ...Continue Reading

My codependency began in childhood from my father's emotional and verbal abuse. As I developed adult relationships, the pattern of attracting men that were controlling and abusive continued. I knew of the abuse in my 30's but eventually ignored it until I was in my early 50's and having ended an abusive relationship with an alcoholic. I am now fully aware of the abuse and my codependency. My sister is still in denial about our childhood and is married to a verbally abusive man. I know I need to get back to the Coda gro ...Continue Reading

I've just become a part of CoDA. Though I've just begun to learn the teachings, I already feel by being a part of this group that this is just the beginning of an amazing recovery. I can't wait to see what's in store. I just don't know if my story is cohesive.... it really began when I realized I was married to someone I would consider a narcissist. I reported my husband to the army Family advocacy board and they denied my claim for emotional abuse because it didn't meet criteria their computer system generates from vo ...Continue Reading

Hi, My name is Kate, and I am codependent. Those words seem so simple and strong, which is in stark contrast to the way I feel on my journey at times. I started CoDA 3 months ago when a coworker mentioned it to me. It has since been something I look forward to each and every week. I'm new to 12 step programs in general, but am loving the program in its entiriety. My codependency is deeply rooted in my childhood having grown up with an alcoholic and narcotic abusing older brother and having severely codependent paren ...Continue Reading

I didn't realize the reason I couldn't get out of bed anymore was due to years of an exhausting drive to control others so that I felt important. Eventually it wore me down to where I wasn't able to help anyone. This was my crossroad. Helping people is what gave me self-worth, now I was only left with a very depressed, very useless, me. Everyone kept telling me to take time for myself, to just focus on me, and honestly, it felt like a death sentence. I wasn't enough. I don't know how it happened, I just know I started ...Continue Reading

CoDA Co-NNections Book of Recovery Stories The CoDA Board of Trustees has authorized the Co-NNections Committee to compile a book of recovery stories drawn from the Co-NNections archives! Wanted: Members of the Fellowship who desire to help create this book. Interested Fellowship Members would serve on a book Work Group. This Work Group will have the same standing as the other Co-NNections Subcommittees: Weekly Readings and Meeting in Print, except the Book Work Group will be disbanded at the completion of the proje ...Continue Reading

"Keeping My Peace" We all have challenges we face on a daily basis whether it is work, family, romantic relationships, friendship, or financial issues. For me, keeping peace in my heart and in my mind is essential to navigating all of these avenues of life. However, sometimes maintaining the peace in my head is very challenging. A few weeks ago, I was not in a peaceful state of mind. I allowed the world to take my peace. That was a difficult place for me, as I had not been in that level of darkness in over ...Continue Reading

SUE'S STORY: QUEEN OF BAD RELATIONSHIPS! I know I was raised to be a very compliant child. Shy to extremes, I was very quiet and most fearful of a very strict parental unit, household environment and religious educational system. I learned early on to please others, get rewarded for that and always do the right thing! I certainly had the “fear of the lord” ingrained in me early on. I even created “sins” to confess because I wasn't sure I committed any. So my middle name growing up was “fear.” I was an excellent studen ...Continue Reading

I was in CoDA for 6 months when I had to terminate a relationship. I was waiting at the station for my train to go to my CoDA meeting in the City. When the train pulled into the station, something inside me pulled me to the track. I just thought: "I can't do this to my children!”, turned around and held on to metal bars in front of the station window until the train had stopped. Then I got on the train, sat down and made a gratitude list in my head. That pulled me out of despair. When I got to the City I had no en ...Continue Reading

_Request for a Gift  _ I turn on the tap and water gushes out Water I can drink safely, containing fluoride that can strengthen my teeth I have hot water kept at 98°C, ice cubes in my freezer, and a flask of water at room temperature And don't start me on all the different beverages, drinks, powdered, ground, dried, teas, liquids and concentrates that I have in my home Can I see just how many luxuries I have in life? So many choices to address what I currently fancy Sometimes I forget that, and I get thrown of ...Continue Reading

Hi, we hope you've found the weekly reading helpful & inspirational! We're writing today, looking for CoDA members who would be interested in contributing to the Weekly Readings in 1 of 2 ways: 1. We're looking for new material to send out for the Weekly Reading. We are interested in receiving submissions from CoDA members that represent the authentic experience of recovery. We are especially looking for submissions that not only focus on the pain and struggle associated with codependency, but that also points to ...Continue Reading

Greetings CoDA Weekly Readings Subscribers, CoNNections is releasing a new publication “Meeting In Print” (MiP). This will start as a quarterly newsletter based on the format of a live meeting. Each edition will contain the following elements required in a CoDA group; the welcome, the preamble, the twelve steps & the twelve traditions; + the serenity prayer and the meeting close. Along with these elements there will be the opportunity for a share in various media formats. Our first two editions are based on written ...Continue Reading

I don’t remember when I actually became codependent. It may have been when I was the child of an ill mother constantly worrying. I always felt that if I could make her feel like everything was OK, then she would be OK. Every day I asked her if she was “happy” because after suffering a mental breakdown and telling me that she “wanted to go away and be with God,” I needed reassurance that she would not leave me. My happiness hinged on her medicated happiness. I grew up always being “good,” “happy,” “exciting,” a “mover ...Continue Reading

I don’t remember when I actually became codependent. It may have been when I was the child of an ill mother constantly worrying. I always felt that if I could make her feel like everything was OK, then she would be OK. Every day I asked her if she was “happy” because after suffering a mental breakdown and telling me that she “wanted to go away and be with God,” I needed reassurance that she would not leave me. My happiness hinged on her medicated happiness. I grew up always being “good,” “happy,” “exciting,” a “mover ...Continue Reading

We have a favor to ask of our members who choose to unsubscribe. On the bottom of every email we send out there is a link that says, "Unsubscribe Automatically" By using that method you can easily unsubscribe from the list. We would greatly appreciate it if you would not use the gmail, hotmail, aol, yahoo, ios, etc "unsubscribe" or "spam" button. There are 2 reasons: 1. Everytime someone unsubscribes in that manner, the email provider puts it down as a negative "mark" again ...Continue Reading

I became aware of CoDA through my therapist many years ago. My recovery has revealed the brave, beautiful inner child that is my true self. Words cannot express how meaningful this journey is for me. Here, I share how CoDA and 12 step recovery helps me to see ME. ---------- This little child of mine; Crying a deep ache that Clenches her being and Causes her to feel the suffocating Force of Rejection Loneliness Confusion Shame Who are you, little child? Where are you, little child? If I could dry the tears from You ...Continue Reading

Free To Be I am you You are me. We were two. We came to be entwined as one. I could not see how it's done. Lives lived free. The true fun of just being me. Dee W. 9/20/16 ...Continue Reading

10 Life-Changing Benefits of Working the CoDA 12 Steps With a Sponsor and Attending CoDA Meetings 1. I chose to trust in a process of recovery that has helped me and thousands of people all over the world find peace, serenity, and a way to live life with fulfillment and hope. I have learned how to solve problems as they arise and I am discovering how to love myself and then pass that love on to others so they can be healed & restored to live their lives fully. I've found that my pain can help others to heal so noth ...Continue Reading

CoDA changed my life. I had been in codependent relationships all my life and at the time married to a verbal abuser. Something needed to change and it was me. Working the 12 steps caused me to gradually understand my patterns and triggers, connect with my higher source, and love and protect my inner child and my children from an unhealthy environment. I'm thankful to CoDA and the men and women who have struggled with the same issues and are doing something about it. Through time, I divorced and learned to be happy alo ...Continue Reading

Gratitude In celebration and honor of November; the gratitude month for 12 Step Programs. Before CoDA my life was lived in chaos, reactively bouncing from one disaster to another in surprising speed with shocking results. I was out of control. I came by my addictive personality honestly and set out to put my inheritance to its full use. One day returning from work my late wife suggested I might benefit from CoDA. This was a suggestion she said she received about me from an AA hot line. Being the good codependent I am ...Continue Reading

Twenty Consequences of Being a Codependent in Recovery! My first consequence of being a codependent in recovery is: being angry at the disease and not at the addict. My second consequence of being a codependent in recovery is: having my anger pass quicker; i.e. 2 hours versus 5 days.  My third consequence of being a codependent in recovery is: being able to sleep at night even when there is a lot going on that I found very disturbing.  My fourth consequence of being a codependent in recovery: being able t ...Continue Reading

“How I became Codependent.” Growing up as a child who was abandoned by my mother when I was five and living with an alcoholic father, I quickly encompassed the characteristics of a codependent. At an early age, I sought out people—anyone—who would listen to me or want to be my friend. As the aqua book Co-dependents Anonymous reads on the welcome page, “We attempted to use others—our mates, our friends, and even our children, as our sole source of identity, value, and well-being, and as a way of trying to restore wit ...Continue Reading

Steps to finding me Then - I thought I not only could control others, I felt it my responsibility to get you to do it my way. I didn't realize that my life was insane, that there was a power greater than me for me. I didn't know that the God of my understanding existed, nor that I could trust in this God. I didn't ever look at the harm I had done, nor the impact my choices had on others. I never told anyone about my wrongs; my motto was never let them see you sweat I had no idea that the things that obviously we ...Continue Reading

My history of abuse is a long and twisted tree. Many leaves of self-esteem have fallen. I feel torn and confused. Unsure where to turn I kept running back to both of you. My parents... For guidance, wisdom, a clue. But, you are too twisted and I am untwisting. My limbs seek the Sun. They want to feel healthy. They want to grow. And I water myself with self-love. No longer will I isolate to feel peace. I can be alone cause I choose to. No longer will I take your abuse. My leaves can withstand hurricane force ...Continue Reading

Many 12 step programs celebrate the gratitude of being in recovery in the month of November. Your Co-NNections Committee would like to feature the subject of Gratitude for our recovery in all 5 of our November Weekly Readings. If this idea touches you & you'd like to write about it, we'd really appreciate stories of your Experience, Strength & Hope on the subject of Gratitude. If you're interested, it would be ideal if we could receive your writing within the next 2 weeks (though please feel free to send anytim ...Continue Reading

I came to CoDA thanks to my neighbor at the time. She had been talking to me for months about CoDA and going to meetings. Finally I went to my first meeting January 5th 1990, in Danbury CT. I knew my life had become unmanageable and even though I was in therapy, I needed more. My marriage was slipping away, and I was looking to fix it anyway I could. Little did I know what a gift I was about to give myself by choosing the path of recovery. For the first few months I just kept showing up at the Friday night meeting. At ...Continue Reading

Greetings CoDA Weekly Readings Subscribers, CoNNections is releasing a new publication “Meeting In Print” (MiP). This will start as a quarterly newsletter based on the format of a live meeting. Each edition will contain the following elements required in a CoDA group; the welcome, the preamble, the twelve steps; the twelve traditions, the serenity prayer and the meeting close. Along with these required elements there will be the opportunity for a share in various media formats. Our first two editions are based on writ ...Continue Reading

Step 8: Made a list of all persons we have harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all When I first thought about this step, I had only four people on my list: my husband and my three children. And as I was thinking about the ways I had hurt them, I realized I was still stuck on how they had hurt me! And how is my list only four people? I have been codependent for a long time—and not just with my family. So I started with a list of the people that had hurt me. At the top of the list was my husband because t ...Continue Reading

Step 7: Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings When I first started coming to the CoDA meetings, I was definitely in crisis. My world being turned upside down forced me to look at myself, my relationships, my whole way of being. The pain was so great, the tunnel so dark, that I wasn't sure I would ever be able to live again. I was in intensive outpatient therapy at therapy 3 hours a day for several weeks. The therapy was focused on coping behaviors, and for me, the grieving process of losing my marriage. My anguis ...Continue Reading

Since I started recovery I have had to do a lot of letting go. Letting go of people and events especially, but also resentments and negative thinking. Letting go is hard for me because it creates a hole in my life, in my day, in my thoughts. This is normal, not crazy or codependent. What I used to do is fill the hole with something not healthy: food, someone else, work, etc. In recovery I've learned to fill that hole with ME. I still get the thought that pops into my head about that person or event, but I notice it and ...Continue Reading

I write to feel better about myself. I write to know how I feel, and I write to be whole. I write because it is the music of my soul. I write because I get spiritually and mentally muddled when I don't. I write to know my mind. I write to find my feelings because they can be so intense and foreign like ships in the night on a churning black sea with no moon. Writing down my feelings puts the moon back in the scene, spotlighting my pain and shame and calms the waves rocking my boat. Writing is the North star guiding me ...Continue Reading

My boss's boss came in to say that the points I made at the meeting were very good but they lost impact because I got too emotional when making them. I waited for the old feeling of a dagger going into my heart - the feeling that I wasn't good enough for this job or for any job or anything. It didn't come. Before CoDA: Every criticism is totally true because I am defective and it is the final verdict on me as a human being. At the same time I cannot accept any criticism because it is a rejection of all of me so every ...Continue Reading

Being in CoDA has taught me a lot about my control patterns. I've recently realized that I can't help but want to control the emotions of everyone around me. And more importantly, I have worn myself down into a pattern of deciding for my loved ones what they should be thinking or feeling. I suffered sexual abuse as a 10 year old. My family covered it up because the perpetrator was my brother. I am 30 now, but I am still firmly entrenched in the victim role. This means I can't stand it when members of my family don't r ...Continue Reading

When I attended my first CoDA meeting March 2014, I had 2yr marriage counseling & 1mo of AA. I'd acknowledged the unmanageability, but not the source of them. The characteristics I read at my first CoDA meeting that I read struck home, and I knew that I had found my safe spot. Then the work began. After Step 3, I felt stuck in my recovery, but I couldn't identify the obstruction. My sponsor helped me push through my struggles of the 4th Step. The dose of humility I swallowed at that time has since helped me to kee ...Continue Reading

My name is Sarah, I'm 56 and I'm recovering daily from the Co-dependency which has ruled my life thus far. I used to laugh at jokes I didn't understand because I thought I'd look stupid if I admitted I didn't find them funny. I just wanted to be like everyone else in the room and fit in, when inside I was so alone and at sea. I had no idea how crippling my Co-dependency was until I had to address it, on my knees and desperately struggling to understand why my life was still such a struggle after 10 years recovery in AA ...Continue Reading

I came into the program attending Al-Anon meetings and then realized I was Co-Dependent (oh my, it was about me after all). :) After several years of meetings I thought I was fixed and stopped attending. Later I realized my tendencies to take care of others and desert myself broadened after having a child. Healthy boundaries and taking care of myself went right out the window (and so did my happiness). Sometimes it takes a downward descent to realize you have forgotten to work the steps. I can only fix myself and if ot ...Continue Reading

Being in an unhealthy relationship for 20 years was taking a toll on me. I was feeling constantly overwhelmed and exhausted, hopeless and helpless. What pained me most about my life was living "beneath the bricks"... Knowing that my real self was buried under there. Somewhere deep down... There was so much I needed to accomplish, so much I was capable of creating, doing, spreading. Yet, it sat beneath the cocoon, hibernating... Waiting for the layers of hardened molten to chip away. One chisel at a time... An ...Continue Reading

_I'm going to use you: A journey through codependency (Chapters 1-8)_ *This story was conceived on a road built of yellow bricks, alongside some remarkable characters *For all those who are teaching me to face my fears and embrace my Super Powers, I am forever in your debt, thank you, you are my Angels _Chapter 1_ I hope you don't mind, I'm going to use you What you gave me, what you couldn't give to me And everything in between The laughter, care and attention The anger, disappointment, and tears I'll use it all, ...Continue Reading

How can love go bad? Isn't love supposed to be one of those universal, eternal values? I hear people talk about it. Love this and love that and be loving. Do people even know what it is like to live with someone who doesn't want to be "loved?" Either everyone in my life is sick or my "love" went bad somehow; but how does "love go bad?" This doesn't even seem to be my problem--but my therapist told me to go to CoDA anyway! How frustrating!! Am I some sort of "love drunk?" It is ve ...Continue Reading

We have a favor to ask of our members who use gmail. On the bottom of every email we send out there is a link that says, "Want to remove yourself from this mailing list at any time? Use this link:" & right below that, is a link. By using that method you can easily unsubscribe from the list. We would greatly appreciate it if you would not use the gmail "unsubscribe" or "spam" button. There are 2 reasons: 1. Everytime someone unsubscribes in that manner, gmail puts it down as a neg ...Continue Reading

Empowered vs. Powerless: A First Step Poem Empowered is climbing the mountain of recovery; powerless is giving in before the journey's started. Empowered is the night sky with the Moon's guiding light, powerless is no moon or guiding stars in sight. Empowered comes from remembering myself; powerless comes from forgetting myself. Empowered is what I do to myself, powerless is what I do to others. Empowered is living and breathing my recovery, powerless is giving into my codependent story. Alison M - 6/23/16 You can ...Continue Reading

My history is much like I assume many have. I learned of CoDA back in the late 90s but never did anything with it. I kept plowing my way thru the life I have been given. In 2013, I entered a relationship that was a repeat of many I have had before. I was trying so hard to keep myself sane and not repeat my behaviors of the past. My way was simply not working and found CoDA again when I could no longer afford a therapist. It has been where I could have been many years ago but alas, I am here now and am very grateful as ...Continue Reading

My Experience with a Recovery Acronym Hunger, Anger, Lonely, Tired HALT HALT is one of many recovery tools which have become a part of my daily life. HALT as a standalone concept helps me take inventory and works as a good reminder to stop, slow down, and break my headlong rush toward some unacknowledged and usually unconscious goal. HALT as the acronym is even more useful to me. Hunger, Anger, Lonely and Tired are barometers of my recovery as well as red flags waving Claxton horns loudly clanking, brightly blinking st ...Continue Reading