I was introduced to CoDA when I was 22 years old. I was very thankful to realize I wasn't crazy and there was actually a name and a reason for my behavior and a group of wonderful people willing to share their stories and listen to mine! WOW! Not feeling isolated for the first time in my life was and continues to be the best feeling in the world. No more asking myself, "What's wrong with me?" Having a definition for my behavior, being able to listen to others with similar behavior patterns and life experience ...Continue Reading

I came into the rooms of CoDA raising a white flag of surrender and desperate for help. I had lost my God, my Soul and Me. I wanted a new life and I had grown sick and tired of the old ways that no longer worked for me. I finally came to believe that change is possible if I looked for it in the rooms of CoDA and by working the 12 Steps. I saw others who discarded old, self-defeating life styles and were happy, joyous and free. * *I wanted what you had but I didn’t know how to get it. You told me, *“Keep* *Coming Back”* ...Continue Reading

Many years back I'd written this statement to myself. I was in Rehab and we were asked to write down a thought or meditation for the day on the blackboard. Usually we'd just copy some statement from a book, but as usual I'd want to think I could express my own experience. It was a topic on Humility. I'd written: “Humility is to know you're broken, but you still love yourself.” I many times wonder why I associated humility with this. But somewhere somehow I know it makes sense to me. To be broken can be quite humbling. ...Continue Reading

So how did I get here? Many years ago I was given clear signals (to me anyway) by my parents that I was unlovable and didn’t deserve to be cared for. I had two fairly functional alcoholic parents whose primary consideration was themselves. At one point, with my father being in the armed forces I had to be flown to Germany for bunion surgery. I was 9 years old. My dad dropped me off at the hospital the day we flew in and never came back until I was discharged two weeks later. The first several days weren’t bad but when ...Continue Reading

When I was a schoolgirl I coped with some types of fear with physical acts of courage, such as shouting and charging two boys who were throwing rocks at a friend and me as we walked home from school. To an extent, rage fueled my action that day: rage at the idea of stoning anyone, at the helpless tears of my frightened friend and at the father of those boys, who stood watching their actions without comment and then scoffed when I asked how he could condone what the boys had done. Other types of fear, such as travel to ...Continue Reading

I remember first being introduced to CoDA several years ago. I had recently gotten married after only knowing my boyfriend for six weeks. A week after we got married, my father died from an alcoholic-related heart attack. Then I learned that my new husband had relapsed on cocaine after years of sobriety. I had only been sober for a year and a half and cocaine had been my drug of choice. It felt like the world was crashing in all around me. As I began attending CoDA meetings regularly I was saddened at first to learn t ...Continue Reading

When I look back at all the pain and suffering, it was my long relationship with self-destructive habits that created the prison that became my home. I only knew what I grew up with. That dysfunctional thinking brought on certain attitudes and actions that weren't so easy to toss aside when I first came into CoDA almost 22 years ago.   I lived with my parents instructions and they were filled with misconceptions and lies. Although they were living in their reality, I was trying to figure out my life with very litt ...Continue Reading

My name is Liza and I am a recovering Codependent. I am grieving what I lost. I grew up with a very abusive domineering mother. All my childhood I was in survival mode and when I was 12 she ended up abandoning me. In my early twenties, despite being married to a loving dependable man, her abandonment caused me to live in fear of being abandoned. I did everything I could to control everything in my life. In doing so I was not able to live in the present. I ended up pursuing an education at any cost, I did not listen to ...Continue Reading

I just met a guy. He seems like a nice, intelligent person who has a job. I am afraid. He is not my type. I have to stop myself from putting myself down or jokingly denying his compliments. I don’t know how healthy relationships work. Is he being considerate or controlling when he gives me a napkin I didn’t ask for to mop up my coffee? Are his emails trying to keep me totally focused on him or is he just enjoying a new relationship? I don’t know. How am I supposed to act? Should I dress up or play it cool? Should I ...Continue Reading

The Tree of Bullying The tree of bullying began inside me. I don't remember it consciously as a seed. But I knew I loved it, and I nourished its leaves, until it was a majestic tree. I used words to myself, like, "You should, you could shape up you must be ashamed aren't you afraid? why did you? who do you think you are?" Somehow people on the outside knew about my Tree of Bullying and they loved it. They used the same language to show that they loved me, as I loved myself. And I agreed with thei ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Hi everyone, My name is Peggy and I was diagnosed as a codependent about 9 years ago when I went into counselling to find out why my then-relationship with a much younger man was not working. I realised I was a caretaker rather than a partner and I left the relationship. I attended one meeting of Codependents Anonymous and decided "it was not for me" and I could do this myself, without anyone's he ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Long weekends are very hard. I feel the resistance to going to that family function that I hate - the one that is always the same and where I have to fit myself into a role that fits somebody else's expectation or the successful one that I had imagined myself to be in. How do others cope with the pain that I feel? Are others "normal" and I'm the weird one? Is this just my issue? I also feel that c ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) In CoDA meetings I found that some people triggered a strong reaction of anxiety and fear and I could not understand why. After one meeting, I thought about it and realised that there were people in my past that I needed to make peace with, and that meant making peace with myself. I wrote a letter, and found that I could explain how I needed to forgive myself for my extreme codependency and for giving over ...Continue Reading

/Meeting in Print/ /(MiP)/, a CoDA Co-NNections subcommittee, is proud to announce that the latest issue of its publication, themed /"Spring Into Recovery"/. MiP is a quarterly publication that gives you the feeling of a live meeting while opening up space for texts, poetry, artwork and even music to help the CoDA community towards recovery. Each edition contains the following elements required in a CoDA group: [*]Welcome [*]Preamble [*]Twelve Steps [*]Twelve Traditions Along with these elements there ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) I offer this experience of mine because I believe caregivers for Alzheimer's patients especially would find powerful support within the program of Codependents Anonymous (CoDA). There are both face-to-face, phone and online meetings listed at coda.org. I provide my story as evidence for what has enabled me to do my part--which was the major part--in caring for my sister Mary Lou. I could not have done it wi ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Hope/full in CoDA I've been on the ledge of hope/less and it's a grand sight to those who are fearless. I am not completely fearless or fear/less but, for what I know hopeless is not entirely me. This is because I still have hope things will work out, I hope that in time I will (slowly) make things better. The /less part is that part that feels insurmountable. The /less part of hope/less is the pain ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Today in CoDA I rid fear from my vocabulary. I choose to remove my armor. I stand... Unprotected and strong, Unguarded and self-assured, Vulnerable and courageous, Unweighted and lighter, Unburdened and lifted, Venerable and confident, Untouchable from within. - Michelle M. – 3/22/18 Everybody in CoDA has a story to tell. Sharing yours may help thousands of codependents still suffering. ...Continue Reading

Do you enjoy the weekly recovery readings? Do you like carrying the message of recovery? Would you like to be a part of the Co-NNections committee? If you answered yes to the above questions, WE WANT YOU!!! The Co-NNections committee is currently looking for new members. Skills that would be helpful could include: Excitement & joy about codependency recovery Knowledge of the Traditions Strong writing and editing skills Available for occasional teleconferences Email & computer skills Our major focus is on ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) I was born into a dysfunctional family. As a child I witnessed domestic violence. After my parents divorced I witnessed my mother engage in strings of unhealthy love affairs. She is definitely codependent and to this day practicing dysfunctional behaviors. I've come to realize, stemming from my childhood, I always felt worthless. I remember my father once lined up my 3 siblings and self along a fireplace. H ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) From the earliest I remember I have never felt safe inside myself, and I could not understand why. My father was brought up in one of the most exclusive sects in the world. When I was sixteen I had a religious experience and became 'saved'. My parents also had a religious experience, and our family became a preaching family. My father re-attached the legalism of his childhood to the new religion we embraced ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Every day was a chore for me. I set myself up for disappointment after disappointment. I couldn't say no. I just wanted to be loved. Finally the sun broke through. I began to realize that all I was going through was my choice. I can choose to be happy and complete. I don't have to feel guilty for doing and being myself. I'm loved and cared for by God and I am worthy. I have assets and I'm learning to utiliz ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) My share on the “In This Moment" 3/21 daily meditation: "I Enjoy Spring" Although the calendar says “Spring”, I wake to freezing temperatures and check the weather to set a time in the afternoon to walk my dog. Today’s CoDA meditation about spring flowers and warm days and pretty flowers really does not apply when winter weather is wreaking havoc with N’oreasterner storms slamming the East Co ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Self Care I will do nothing against the will of my heart. (xejn kontra qalbi) I will do everything to keep myself well in order not to have migraines. I will close the door. I will not communicate by cell phone, internet, conversation, with anyone who is toxic for me. I will not give opinions, or judgements about their lives. I will no longer listen to them. I refuse to rent out my soul and my energy t ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) *I'm in my fifteenth year in recovery in CoDA and twenty in all recovery. I got into recovery by first needing to address many decades of alcohol and drug use. However, in the process, I found that I was not attaining the "happy, joyous and free" promised by those fellowships. At first I allowed myself to believe the nonsense that I had somehow 'not worked the program right'. I had heard many of t ...Continue Reading

/Meeting in Print/ /(MiP)/, a CoDA Co-NNections subcommittee, is proud to announce that the latest issue of its publication, themed /"Transformation"/. MiP is a quarterly publication that gives you the feeling of a live meeting while opening up space for texts, poetry, artwork and even music to help the CoDA community towards recovery. Each edition contains the following elements required in a CoDA group: [*]Welcome [*]Preamble [*]Twelve Steps [*]Twelve Traditions Along with these elements there is ple ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Step One We admit we are powerless over others and our lives have become unmanageable. Rockbottom. I hit Rockbottom at Christmas, and recognized it through reading a book I found at the Hospice Shop called "Codependence and Detachment". At sixty, I realised I had spent my life pleasing others, controlling, advising and guiding, putting off 'my own good' forever, trying to 'fix' the 'unfixable', ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) I did not know what. I did not know. I thought I was responsible for everyone and everything. I thought I was responsible to fix people And one by one they happily lined up to dump their garbage. I stood patiently by...next please. The sadness was as thick as a blanket of snow. And quiet. Smothered and in darkness. So I sat alone in total confusion. I prayed and asked God to show me why. I belie ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) (going to coda meetings, learning to breathe) sometimes, the sadness that isn't mine is. i belong to it and it becomes my family for a night this is the wake that i never held all my life. now it is for me. I cannot hold all the sadness in my arms or walk through it because it is a wide and deep lake good for drowning, a strong and dark forest where children are frightened and lost a slow and sil ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) I never thought that I was recovered enough to submit my story as recovery seems to never totally stop. It just keeps getting better and better. I was raised in a very fundamentalist religion which I considered to be "just a bunch of rules I cannot obey". My parents took extreme pleasure in beating me with a belt whenever I broke one of their rules which were impossible to keep. It seemed to give ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Hi. My name is H.A. and I am in recovery for codependency. I'm from a large Irish-Catholic family. The dysfunction in my home was present for many years. It was because of MY CHOICES to these conditions that my behavior became codependent and alcoholic. It’s only since joining CoDA and learning the Patterns & Characteristics of codependency that I could identify these issues in my own life. We can't kn ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) So my name is Mark and I am a part of 4 or 5 different 12 step programs. One of my sponsors thinks I am neurotic for believing that playing video games is compulsive for me. But hey, my truth is my truth. And I have learned that over time from other codependents in recovery. I can become aware when another relationship, even a sponsor's, that is supposed to be helpful is becoming unhealthy because I'm aband ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) I'm happy to offer service to CODA recovery with a share on my experience, strength & hope in my recovery journey. In winter 2007 I was in my second consecutive treatment center for CODA issues when the counselor asked me to tell him about myself ...and I could not without relating me via my dad, brother, husband, children, work or volunteering !?! What was wrong with that? But honestly I was very uncom ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Although I do not consider myself an expert in codependence, and I am not far enough along in my program to be a sponsor, I still feel an obligation to reach out to others who are going through the same suffering and experiences that I went through, to share my own experience, strength and limited wisdom. One of the members of my Coda group is going through a difficult separation and divorce like I did, an ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) My name is Erik and I’m a codependent. I grew up as the oldest of five boys in Southern California. While my parents brought us up in a faith based home, there was much dysfunction in our household. My dad was, and still is, emotionally unavailable. I believe my mother was codependent and instilled in me an unhealthy form of love: loving and staying in (unhealthy) relationships - “till death do us part” - w ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) /Meeting in Print/ /(MiP)/, a CoDA Co-NNections subcommittee, is proud to announce that the latest issue of its publication, themed /"Begin Again" /. MiP is a quarterly publication that gives you the feeling of a live meeting while opening up space for texts, poetry, artwork and even music to help the CoDA community towards recovery. Each edition contains the following elements required in a CoDA ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) My codependency began when I was a teenager. My dad had a mental Illness that caused hIm to abandon my mother and I for weeks or months at a tIme. There were tImes I asked mom not to let hIm come back but she was committed to saving her marriage. I thInk she Is codependent too. It was a struggle for me because at fIrst I was daddIes’ gIrl. Then I transitIoned into daddies’ way. HIs Illness was progressive. ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) ‘Who am I?” Born as a butterfly After so many things in my early life Absorbing so many negative beliefs Hearing all of these and believing I realized I was hidden In a cocoon Then, on a very difficult night CoDA came into my life Finally a relief I was in the dark Dying through the minutes Through the pain Through my mind. Expecting too much Living too less Hoping nothing One speaking voice ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) 16. January 2013 Who am I Who am I? They tell me I am a strong person, I will cope with grief and get on with life. Who am I? They tell me I am a caring person willing to give a helping hand, be there for others when needed. Who am I? They tell me I am a logical thinker, that I can solve problems, seem to be in control of my life. Am I all that what others say of me? Or am I what I know of my ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) The following affirmations were picked up elsewhere, but they are now mine as I incorporate them in my life in CoDa recovery Everything you want is on the other side of Fear ... FEAR = Forgetting Everything is All Right FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real FEAR = Face Everything And Rise FEAR = Feel anxiety and Recover (refuse to be overcome by it) To live our lives fully, we must lose our fear of being ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) For those celebrating the holidays the Co-NNections Committee would like to wish you a wonderful season and New Year. *Thank you to everyone who made a submission to the Weekly Reading this past year! * However, the Co-NNections Committee regrets that there is no CoDA Fellowship Recovery Story today. *We have run out of stories to share with you. * If you believe as we do that these CoDA Weekly Readings are ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) *Meditations Written at CSC 2000* A Rain of Tears to Wash the Soul Afresh We have all known sadness; some of us know depression even better. Our disease makes us see the world and other people in a distorted fashion. We think what we see is real and act on it. The results make us think everyone else is crazy so we try to make them conform to our way of doing things. We try to control them. When we acknowled ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Words Of Wisdom 2017 (A collection of short readings) *H*ere are my magic words of recovery. Maybe they can be so for you as well. Oops: I can't always get it right so why be ashamed of it? Ouch: I deserve to be treated respectfully and only I can train others to do so. Help: Who said I have to do it alone? No: The most important word of all. Only I can decide for my life. /JBR – 12/4/17 / *S*ometimes in l ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) No doubt my years of recovery work had primed me for this. However, I was taken aback by how much another person’s story triggered my recognition of my own life. It was a story read in a meeting about chaos and addiction, of acting out and careening from person to person, job to job and place to place. All seemingly an effort to block the childhood pain of abandonment. I had recognized my own patterns of av ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) *Recovery From Isolation* I've noticed that when I experience something in my life that sets me back a little, one of the first things I do is isolate from others. I start not returning phone calls or in some cases just not answering the phone. I cancel dinners, coffees, trips because I just don't feel like being around people. Some of that is good; it shows me that I'm learning to listen to myself and hono ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Words Of Wisdom 2005 (A Collection of sayings heard at meetings) Don’t give up 5 minutes before the miracle Submitted by, Kathie Never go to the desert for water. We have two choices "hang on or fall off. Which will you choose? Submitted by, Nancy Lynn P. If you can't practice these principles in all your affairs, you have too many affairs. You can't keep what you won't give away Justifying by say ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) /_Serenity and Hope_/ Today I have grown- this neediness I let go- serenity has creeped- into my soul. This hope I had longed for- Is taking root- Down this once-dirty ole shoot- Letting go-I'm growing old- Serenity and hope gaining control. It's settled down the old bones- not as loud.. Serenity and hope- has been my shroud. I have seen the miracle- In this very moment- Serenity and Hope- Ha ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with one click, is located at the end of this message.) The CoDA Co-NNections Committee’s Book Work Group seeks service workers to curate archived fellowship stories for inclusion in an anthology. Please send your interest along with relevant experience you believe appropriate to bwg@coda.org. You can review previous 2015 - 2017 readings here: http://codependents.org/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/list/connections/ . Older readings are here: http://connections.coda.or ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) My best friend passed away after having a valve replaced in her heart. We had an argument in the Hospital the day before she was to be discharged. I went home; and her Daughter and friend picked her up the next day. They spent the day, but left her alone and she died, on the floor. I walked around numb for months. I got a therapist. I told him my life was inside out and backwards. I tried to help everyone; ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) *Away from Codependency* Awareness patterns: 1. I identify what I am feeling. 2. I clearly recognize how I feel. 3. I am dedicated to my own well-being. Strong self-esteem patterns: 1. I pride myself in making decisions. 2. I recognize in a positive manner everything I think, say, and do. 3. I take pride in receiving recognition, praise, or gifts. 4. I ask others to meet my needs or desires. 5. I value m ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Into Action! I have been aware of my codependency for some years now, but I had not addressed it honestly, after all, wasn't being an alcoholic enough without the burden of another disease! I thought it would disappear as long as I stayed in AA .... until I found myself separated and lonely with no emotional crutch. Gradually over the next 5 painful years I saw that my whole existence required another pers ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Honest, Open, Willing Years ago when my husband, John, and I separated, I was forced to give up my drug of choice, John. I could no longer make myself feel good by focusing on him and what I perceived as his problems. The result was I became overwhelmed by my feelings of abandonment. I quickly substituted in another pain killer, binge shopping. At that time, the first Target store in our city opened less t ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Love is knowing when to walk away. Love is finally understanding that love isn’t putting someone in a box. It’s choosing the ache of silence over the regret of putting my own foot in my mouth. It’s the nights I stay up making lists of pros and cons To try decide If it’s worth this risk for a simple, “Hey.” It’s the relief I feel in the morning that I did NOT do that. You see, love isn’t in the ache ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Having suffered two failed marriages, I had to ask the question, “What is wrong with me?” It seemed that the more I gave, the less I got in return. If I tried harder, was selfless, jumped though more hoops, or did aerial acrobatics, then maybe, just maybe, my spouse would be kind, empathetic and loving. It took years to find the courage to leave my second husband. Who wants to be divorced, let alone twice? ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Today I am in the throes of my codependency, and it’s so painful to admit that I'm not where, in my head, I believe I should be. And yet CoDA 12 Step has taught me, gleefully, that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. Now I can exhale. Because of decades of struggling in and out of recovery, sometimes believing that I could do recovery by myself, Consciousness did for me and others like me what we could no ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) "The Value of Service from the “CoDA In This Moment Daily Meditation book for August 25". My sponsor has done service at the four levels of the program. While he never advised or urged me to do service I saw how good it was for him and made service at all levels of CoDA part of my recovery. I came into program a frightened guy hiding in isolation who avoided meaningful social interaction. Service ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) This is a non-negotiable, this life of being awake. Listening to the whisper of God, above the notifications, calls, texts, praises. Surrendering to the surrender. How do I forgive myself? Back up. How do I become willing? Back up. I admit I am powerless over myself and others and turn my life and will over to God. Please help me be ready. Sometimes it hurts too much to be present. But I am finding forgive ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) /Meeting in Print/ /(MiP)/, a CoDA Co-NNections subcommittee, is proud to announce that the latest issue of its publication, themed /"Path To Serenity"/. MiP is a quarterly publication that gives you the feeling of a live meeting while opening up space for texts, poetry, artwork and even music to help the CoDA community towards recovery. Each edition contains the following elements required in a ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Amends I have heard people in the program complain about others owing them amends. When the other person admitted their wrong doing and vowed to change the amends were not accepted because they didn’t say they were sorry. Is saying, "I’m sorry" an amends? Or is there a lot more to it. Webster’s definition for Amend (on the internet); 1: To put right 2a: to change or modify for the better 2b: to al ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) “In This Moment”, the CoDA Meditation book page 21: “I choose not to listen to my disease” As I sat pondering a topic; it occurred to me to pick up the daily meditation. I usually start my day off with recovery meditations but had not today because I chose to read from our Co-Dependence Anonymous book this morning so my routine was different, not in a negative way; I just changed my routine up. When I read ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) At times, my night is endless. Ablaze with racing thoughts, my World War ignites. The toxic fumes of my burning wheels assault my nose. Battles cries fill the air. How could you do this to me? Why don't you love me? Why are you so cruel? I don't know where to point the fingers of abuse. I'm so confused!!! Poisoned by the drama, I cry. Who is wrong and who is right? I'm so busy seeing through their eyes, tha ...Continue Reading

*Feathers* Little one, where did you leave your wings? Buried at the back of your desk cubby in the classroom? On the soccer field when you missed the goal? The eleventh time you were told children are not to be heard? Were they smothered, choked, and bound by shame? Remember when that boy placed a kick-me sticker on the back of your heart in the lunch line? I can tell you how to find them. When gold coins become sea foam, look under your pillow. *The Blue Light* I am all you need. I have been here the ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) I was mute - emotionally and vocally. My vision was dim and only directly ahead of me. My future stifled by my pained heart, confusion and anxiety. Always apologizing for who I was, what I thought and why I asked. Who am I without the overbearing tone glaring into my soul? Where was my ‘self’? My whole self? Where was the sky and limitless opportunities? My brain and heart were on ‘pause’ and paranoia was ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself, is located at the end of this message.) *_I’VE GOT CODA!_* *I see the beauty in the world* *‘round and ‘round as I twirl* *faster & faster until I fall* *fascinated by it all* *but where am I now?* *Sad, lonely, and confused* *wondering to myself, "What shall I do?"* *And then appears a road before me* *to guide me ahead * *"To a CoDA meeting"* *It had read.* *In the room so calm and quiet* *I found peace and knew by it* * ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself, is located at the end of this message.) To the CoDA Fellowship from the Meeting in Print Subcommittee, mip@coda.org Yesterday the subcommittee emailed you the announcement of the posting of the 4th edition of MiP. Two incorrect items were listed at the bottom of the Four Foundational Documents creating the impression that CoDA has six items that must be read at a meeting. Our apologies for our mistake. CoDA only has Four Required Foundational Documents: The W ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself, is located at the end of this message.) We have something special for this week's weekly reading: 2 historical Co-NNections Newsletters from 1998 have been found! They are similar to the current Meeting in Print, but these were created with technology from the 20th century so we've got scans of the printed newsletters for you. There's several great historical recovery readings on each newsletter from 1998 CoDA members, we hope you enjoy! Because these are pho ...Continue Reading

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself, is located at the end of this message.) /Meeting in Print/ /(MiP)/, a CoDA Co-NNections subcommittee, is proud to announce that the latest issue of its publication, themed /"Grateful for Recovery"/. MiP is a quarterly publication that gives you the feeling of a live meeting while opening up space for texts, poetry, artwork and even music to help the CoDA community towards recovery. Each edition contains the following elements required in a CoDA gro ...Continue Reading

Hearing What I Need to Hear Within the fellowship, I always hear something that I need to hear. I may not want to hear whatever it is - at least, my ego may not want to. If I let that take over yet again, then I am in trouble and back up on the cross. There are no bad examples - only good ones of what to do, and what not to do. This - sharing - helps me by reminding me of what I was like, what happened, and what I can be like if I choose to allow myself to slide back into those old habits and false beliefs. However, ha ...Continue Reading

A long time ago I saw a Ziggy cartoon where the title character was wearing a sandwich board sign that simply said "I'M SORRY". Many people didn't get it or thought it was stupid but I understood. I got it. I had felt that way my entire life. Apologetic. Shamed to be present in a world where I seemingly had no place. Where I never fit in. Was never good enough. My only sibling was seven years my senior. It was like having three parents --always with the eyes watching me for mistakes, untruths, awkwardness, fa ...Continue Reading

This is my 1 year in recovery letter. It feels like a lifetime ago that I walked into my first meeting. The person I was then is still with me today, but so much has changed. I have had so many transformative moments, surrendering’s, understandings, and a compassion and love for myself that is greater now than any other time in my life. But I realize, I have so much growing still to do in loving myself well. I still tend to feel more comfortable in suffering and chaos than in peace. But when I do feel peace I try to r ...Continue Reading

We're writing today looking for CoDA members who would be interested in contributing to the Weekly Readings. You can view previous 2015 - 2017 readings here: http://codependents.org/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/archive/connections/ We're looking for new material to send out for the Weekly Reading. We are interested in receiving submissions from CoDA members that represent the authentic experience of recovery. We are especially looking for submissions that not only focus on the pain and struggle associated with codependency, b ...Continue Reading

Seventh CoDA Birthday It has been said that every 7 years we have a totally new body. All cells have died and replicated into new ones. Likewise, I feel my life has gone through a miraculous change from chaos, pain and grief to a more ordered, peaceful and hopeful perspective over the past 7 years. I had hit a wall 30 years ago when my son was chemically dependent and all of us went to treatment. I continued to attend Al-Anon after leaving treatment, then found CoDA shortly after. When I read those “characteristics,” ...Continue Reading

 The Turning Point Years in the future reflecting fondly with glee, how my codependency recovery was blessed seeking new friendship so close to deep Sea... Beautiful souls crossed CoDA paths from stormy past lives, on journey to our awakenings shedding warm tears in Blue eyes... Healing my past feelings & letting go old resentments in life, made room for new thinking & new Love with less codependency strife... This was my turning point sharing experiences of dysfunctional lives, this was my starting point ...Continue Reading

I guess it seems kind of murky to see a straight line of recovery, but I know it is working under the table because my depression is lifting more often and I am finding myself acting stronger around others. I have nearly found a way to exist with my family of origin: extremely strict boundaries and virtually no contact with a narcissistic, hyper-critical bully mother who loves to tell me exactly what to do despite me telling her no, and a father who tried to kill me anytime I would try to state a boundary or do somethi ...Continue Reading

Surrender Surrender is a word I never liked! For me it conjured images of a leader in an ancient battle handing his sword to his foe or a boxing match where they throw in the towel. The word surrender felt like defeat. Yet in Step One, I was asked to admit powerlessness. In Steps Two and Three, I was asked to surrender to a Higher Power. I listened to the experience, strength and hope of fellow members, but I couldn’t shake how the word made me feel. So, I started pondering what was behind my feelings. After much ref ...Continue Reading

Dear Fellows, My name is Sarah. I am an alcoholic. I am also a chocoholic, a controlaholic, an obsessaholic, a shopaholic, and lots of other little "holics" too! My “isms” remain with me even after 11 years in AA. I had a nodding acquaintance with "this codependency stuff" but dismissed it as yet another issue I wanted to avoid. After all, I was told to KEEP IT SIMPLE! As the years rolled in, I realized that my codependent behavior was in practically everything I stood for. My mind bargained and m ...Continue Reading

I had three months of severe anxiety when I left a job I loved and started a new one. Anxiety is too small a word really; it was terror. Every day my heart pounded in my head, my stomach was knotted, and I was afraid that I would be annihilated even though I knew rationally that was not going to happen. On top of that fear was the anger and disappointment that I wasn't handling it all better. I am eighteen months into my CoDA programme, and I thought that this sort of thing wouldn't happen to me anymore but it did. I ...Continue Reading

I've worked a lot on my codependency and find that the relationship between employee and boss is the hardest to navigate for me. It is even harder because I believe my boss is a codependent not in recovery. The more I travel down the journey of recovery, the more I find myself frustrated over what to do. I've done a lot of research but haven't found anything that described what I was experiencing. I decided I just needed to sit down and write my own story that would hopefully help others. Most articles I found relati ...Continue Reading

I have always and still do struggle with insecurities; I not only struggle with mine but find myself in intimate relationships with significant others that do as well. It is a repetitive cycle I find myself in with myself and with others. It is about reminding myself that God is greater than my doubts, fear and insecurities, and he has not brought me this far to let me fall. I must also be reminded that it is not my place to take on anyone else's insecurities. It is my part to do the next right thing and it doesn't alw ...Continue Reading

The contents of this email are from the CoDA Legal Department, *legal@coda.org* *We have updated our privacy policy. Take time to read our revised Privacy Policy  which will go into effect 30 days from the date of this email. If you continue to use our services on or after that date, you will be agreeing to these new terms and policy changes. * *If you have any questions, please let us know here and we'll be happy to assist you.* *legal@coda.org* You can review previous ...Continue Reading

   I have been in CoDA just over a year now and have worked harder on my recovery in the last year of my life than I ever have on anything else. I rarely miss a meeting because it has become my lifeline. We have a very strong group with amazing people who are supportive and caring. I don't know what I would have done if I had not found CODA.     I grew up with an alcoholic father who expected perfection and a mother who denied he was an alcoholic. I was the youngest of 5 children and when I was ...Continue Reading

*CoDA Co-NNections Committee* *Service Workers Wanted* Google Docs expertise, book indexing experience, Table of Contents creation interest. *Requirements* One year of participation in Codependents Anonymous. *Purpose* To assist in the creation of a book of Fellowship Recovery Stories. *Where * Co-NNections Committee - Book Work Group If interested please email bwg@coda.org. In Fellowship, Don B, Co-NNections Committee Chair bwg@coda.org. You can review previous 2015 - 2017 readings here: http://codependen ...Continue Reading

Life before CODA was rough; it was like “black and white TV,” to quote a friend in recovery. I was lost in others, completely codependent on them and out of touch with who I was. I didn’t know what boundaries were, what self-care meant, about my likes and dislikes, my needs and wants, nor did I have much contact with my emotions and feelings. Empathy and sympathy were as foreign to me as Spain used to feel to me before I learned Spanish. CoDA helped from the first moment I went to a meeting and tearfully heard that I ...Continue Reading

 My life before CoDA was one full of anxiety, anger, control issues, and approval-seeking behavior—doing things I didn't want to do to be liked or loved, avoidance, and unable to handle changes in my life or when things didn't go the way that I had expected. I worked hard to try and make everyone happy. I couldn't make the hard or healthy choices. I didn't trust anyone or let myself be vulnerable to anyone. I never stood up for myself or spoke my thoughts to other family members because I didn't want to upset anyo ...Continue Reading

This may be of interest to any member who has recently attempted to submit an article to Co-NNections or plans to in the near future: Co-NNections just learned today that the Co-NNections "Submit your Article" link on coda.org is broken. We don't know how long it's been down. Co-NNections assures you that restoring this link is a priority for CoDA, & we hope it will be functional on Monday. Since the Co-Nnections Committee can't guarantee that, we wanted to provide you with an alternate means to submit ...Continue Reading

CODA has helped me to truly live and enjoy my life. I was able to quickly recognize my codependent behaviors. Before CoDA, I did not understand why others did not adore me! Wasn't I a helpful, fun, and friendly person? Didn't I give my all to my friendships? Why did my siblings often get upset with me? Was it just because I was the oldest child in the family? Why did I have so much trouble fitting in at my jobs? I thought I was a team player. Why did I give up on my jobs when the going got tough? I was perplexed all of ...Continue Reading

I am in charge of my life; my credit worthiness comes from inside. I am the driver in this game, and I can choose the fast or slow lane. I am in charge of my time and that feels fine. I set goals to thrive and choose compassion to survive. I am the one who calls the shots, but not in a mean way. Saying "NO" and "I'm not ready" are OK. I have emotional sobriety, and I hold it steady, wisely. If it makes me anxious or doesn't feel right, I can leave and hold myself tight. My inventory is m ...Continue Reading

I have been in our CoDA group for a year and have journaled throughout the meetings. I wanted to share some of my favorite quotes from the meetings: • Believe in your Higher Power and act like it. • What other people think of me doesn't matter. • I can accept that certain relationships aren't good for me. • You can't fix anyone but yourself. • It's okay to take care of yourself. • You can't make a cake and expect a pie. • Other people walk off with my happiness and I am ...Continue Reading

I have been with CoDA since June of 2016. I was in a marriage where I was constantly doing for my husband what he needed to do for himself. There was a lot of abuse and I was constantly chasing him and letting him use me as a doormat because his own addictions came first. My ex-husband has a god and it's not me. My survival tools from childhood were no longer working for me. My counselor told me about CoDA and I'm slowly understanding why I do what I do. I divorced in September of 2016. 2016 was a trying year and I loo ...Continue Reading

A letter to my husband: I am very sorry it has come to this. It is not what I envisioned for myself or us. I frickin’ hate the breaking up part, but I have to be honest and say that I am happy. I finally know that God loves me and that I can really trust him. It is hard to explain because I have been saying those words for a long, long time, but it is not until I finally learned that I am worthy of being loved that I learned to stop expecting perfection of myself and was able to truly experience the love of God. The ...Continue Reading

Good morning everyone, I am Sarah, my life is very good. It's taken me 57 years to honestly be able to say that, to feel "I'm ok" without guilt and one eye on the person beside who I was trying to impress! I'm free from the burdens I carried around all these years..... my mother’s illness, my dysfunctional childhood, all the wrongs I experienced, my dead marriage, my less than perfect life!!! I GREW UP! I realized only recently that although all these "terrible" things had occurred in my life, they ...Continue Reading

The contents of this email are from the Meeting In Print Subcommittee of the CoDA Co-NNections Committee mip@coda.org Hi CoDA community, Our new publication, Meeting in Print, is looking for two new members to join the work with delivering this increasingly popular CoDA recovery tool! We're looking for a Vetting Member and a Multimedia Member, see descriptions of what these members would do below. VETTING MEMBER * To look through the archive of submissions we have and: Organise them logically according to length (sh ...Continue Reading

Like many before me, I crawled into my first CODA meeting on my knees. I had struggled with 'life' for many years, but somehow managed to 'get by'. However in the autumn of 2014, something occurred. It was, in truth, nothing new -- another relationship failure. Then - a strange thought came into my head. Codependency. I had no idea, at the time, what on earth that meant. I now interpret it as my higher power telling me my issues were not to be solved on my own. I didn't even know what codependency was - there was no al ...Continue Reading

I only recently discovered that I suffer from Codependency when I made the very difficult and painful decision to separate from my my husband ... my best friend and soul mate of 28 years. We have only been married for 11 of those 28 years, but we may as well have been married the whole time. Though I have struggled with depression, anxiety, PTSD and ADHD for upwards of 35 years, there was really only one common thread through all of this..... my need to make everything OK and everyone happy, but neglecting my own needs ...Continue Reading

I came to CoDA (and, for many years, Emotions Anonymous) because I was in danger of losing my marriage as well as my relationship with our kids. I was raging constantly. I got into my marriage with the notion that I was the center, I was to be catered to., I would fly into a rage if my loved ones crossed me, disagreed with me, weren't able to be with me when I wanted them to be with me or give me what I thought I needed. I would fly into a rage simply if things didn't go my way (in which case I would find someone to bl ...Continue Reading

My codependency began in childhood from my father's emotional and verbal abuse. As I developed adult relationships, the pattern of attracting men that were controlling and abusive continued. I knew of the abuse in my 30's but eventually ignored it until I was in my early 50's and having ended an abusive relationship with an alcoholic. I am now fully aware of the abuse and my codependency. My sister is still in denial about our childhood and is married to a verbally abusive man. I know I need to get back to the Coda gro ...Continue Reading

I've just become a part of CoDA. Though I've just begun to learn the teachings, I already feel by being a part of this group that this is just the beginning of an amazing recovery. I can't wait to see what's in store. I just don't know if my story is cohesive.... it really began when I realized I was married to someone I would consider a narcissist. I reported my husband to the army Family advocacy board and they denied my claim for emotional abuse because it didn't meet criteria their computer system generates from vo ...Continue Reading

Hi, My name is Kate, and I am codependent. Those words seem so simple and strong, which is in stark contrast to the way I feel on my journey at times. I started CoDA 3 months ago when a coworker mentioned it to me. It has since been something I look forward to each and every week. I'm new to 12 step programs in general, but am loving the program in its entiriety. My codependency is deeply rooted in my childhood having grown up with an alcoholic and narcotic abusing older brother and having severely codependent paren ...Continue Reading

I didn't realize the reason I couldn't get out of bed anymore was due to years of an exhausting drive to control others so that I felt important. Eventually it wore me down to where I wasn't able to help anyone. This was my crossroad. Helping people is what gave me self-worth, now I was only left with a very depressed, very useless, me. Everyone kept telling me to take time for myself, to just focus on me, and honestly, it felt like a death sentence. I wasn't enough. I don't know how it happened, I just know I started ...Continue Reading

CoDA Co-NNections Book of Recovery Stories The CoDA Board of Trustees has authorized the Co-NNections Committee to compile a book of recovery stories drawn from the Co-NNections archives! Wanted: Members of the Fellowship who desire to help create this book. Interested Fellowship Members would serve on a book Work Group. This Work Group will have the same standing as the other Co-NNections Subcommittees: Weekly Readings and Meeting in Print, except the Book Work Group will be disbanded at the completion of the proje ...Continue Reading

"Keeping My Peace" We all have challenges we face on a daily basis whether it is work, family, romantic relationships, friendship, or financial issues. For me, keeping peace in my heart and in my mind is essential to navigating all of these avenues of life. However, sometimes maintaining the peace in my head is very challenging. A few weeks ago, I was not in a peaceful state of mind. I allowed the world to take my peace. That was a difficult place for me, as I had not been in that level of darkness in over ...Continue Reading