CoDA: 13th Stepping

From: "CoDA Announcements" <>
Subject: CoDA: 13th Stepping
Date: February 12th 2022


A member reported:

“I watched a member of the opposite sex repeatedly use recovery to flirt with newcomers. No one felt comfortable speaking up and I thought it was wrong. “

“In recovery, manipulating another into a relationship, be it emotional, financial, or sexual, violates the core values and Twelve Traditions of our program. “Thirteenth Stepping” is a term used to describe this kind of unhealthy relationship. Thirteenth-stepping is harmful to both people involved and to the overall health of a meeting. Newcomers may be especially vulnerable.

Although the primary responsibility for addressing this issue lies with the individuals involved and their sponsors, any member who is aware of thirteenth stepping may speak privately with the person perceived to be engaging in this behavior. Another option is to call for a group conscience at the next business meeting. People may express their discomfort using “I” statements and without naming individuals or pointing a finger. One possible action a group might take is to amend the meeting format to include a definition of thirteenth stepping, perhaps using wording from the preceding paragraph.” (Healthy Meetings Matter, page 12)

What are your thoughts on this topic? Have you experienced 13 stepping? Have you tried addressing it in your meeting? Please share your feedback at the Fellowship Feedback Forum

Share your experience of 13th stepping in a safe place in ‘s message forum titled “Fellowship Feedback Forum” - click here for the link: 13th Stepping

***Please note if you have never posted at before you will be required to create a login and password. After approval on the site, please try the link again.


All material above is excerpted directly from Healthy Meetings Matter Booklet & is Conference approved. While we are sharing it with the fellowship in the spirit of recovery and service, the copyright to this material is fully owned by Codependents Anonymous, inc (2009).


This is a resending of a message that originally went out on 3/30/16.

The contents of this email were originally Group Conscienced by the CoDA Communications Committee


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