CoDA Weekly Reading Archives

 

CoDA Weekly Reading 02/11/20

February 11th 2020 PST

Pillow Talk I have been in CoDA for over a year now. My husband has been in CoDA for two years and he introduced it to me once I regained some health, dignity and strength after almost dying from abusing alcohol. I had never had a place where I could share my experience, strengths and hopes before. Nor did I think anyone wanted to hear about them. After more than 50 years of not being able to speak, to now be encouraged to speak in order to heal seems so foreign to me. “Suck it up. Get ove ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 02/03/20

February 4th 2020 PST

The Abyss. Over three years ago I knew I needed help. I was not making it. Everything hurt. Everything. Of course, I had a great smile to put on all of it, and I was sure that I would be able to push through by pleasing and charming others. I figured I was just simply not meeting the right people and that those around me did not fit the ticket. They no longer seemed to fill the abyss of a codependent that simply wanted to be told he is loved—wanted to be told he is loved, cared for, praised, ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 01/28/20

January 28th 2020 PST

Fear-Based Survival Fear has robbed me of fifty-three years. In the past, whenever bad things happened I developed coping mechanisms such as aloofness, isolation, astral and out-of-body travel, sarcasm and self-inflicted pain as ways to have control in my life. I honed these survival tools into strong weapons that I used on myself or anyone else who was a threat to my safety or well-being. They served me well in my teens and twenties but have become the very things that are preventing me from ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 01/21/20

January 21st 2020 PST

Co-dependency Used To Rule My Life Co-dependency has ruled my life for 62 years. I was attached to someone, giving all I was and forgetting about my needs. I seemed to end up with takers that would take advantage of my kindness. I also thought that I wouldn't be loved if I didn't do for others. When love did not get returned I became depressed and did a lot of negative self talk. I really didn't know there was a type of living that was called co-dependent. I married a co-dependent and he was all ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 01/14/20

January 14th 2020 PST

B-O-U-N-D-A-R-I-E-S Being raised very strictly as a Southern Baptist military brat, my boundaries were set for me. They were cut and dried, and to cross one meant extreme punishment. Eventually even respecting these unreasonable and inconsistent boundaries led to excessive beatings, so the lines became obscured and life became even more stressful. I have never known how to have or respect boundaries for myself or others. The only boundaries I've ever experienced were built upon fear of conseq ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 01/07/20

January 7th 2020 PST

The Secret Attic Throughout my life prior to CoDA I had a recurring nightmare where I was shocked to discover a hidden part of my house: a walled-off attic. This attic was so dilapidated that it threatened to destroy everything beneath it. Although I intellectually understood the dream's symbolism, it wasn't until my wife was in the Intensive Care Unit dying from alcoholism that the reality of this nightmare finally hit home. Due to workaholism, my codependent pattern of "walling off&qu ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 01/02/20

January 2nd 2020 PST

Fear has robbed me of fifty-three years. In the past, whenever bad things happened I developed coping mechanisms such as aloofness, isolation, astral and out of body travel, sarcasm and self-inflicted pain as ways to have control in my life. I honed these survival tools into strong weapons that I used on myself or anyone else who was a threat to my safety or wellbeing. They served me well in my teens and twenties but have become the very things that are preventing me from fully embracing life or ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 12/24/19

December 23rd 2019 PST

In the past few days, I have had a number of women ask me why I have shaved my head. They have told me that they liked it or that they didn't like it; I actually don't care whether they like my shaved head or not. After a lifetime of very long hair, 'my glory,” and long, shapeless dresses and skirts (because wearing jeans was 'cross-dressing') it is a relief to be who I am: gay, codependent, old, woman, self-partnered. It is a relief to not be called a “witch”, “unsubmissive”, “out-of-order” ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 12/17/19

December 17th 2019 PST

But....I Joined CoDA To Stop Myself From Doing Too Much! (Excerpted From A Longer Article) I believe this issue is one of the reasons we've had so much trouble attracting new intergroup members. First, we do not encourage new comers to CoDA to join intergroup, there is much service to be done at the meeting level! But once one has 6 months - 1 year (depending on the person) service on a larger scale can be a wonderful opportunity to grow in CoDA. I've personally found doing service to be a grea ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 12/10/19

December 10th 2019 PST

WOW did I get some “hands-on” recovery at the airport after leaving the CoDA Convention! I made it through the airport fine UNTIL the TSA x-ray scanner detected something in my back pocket. I took out the paper and threw it out. TSA MASSAGE The TSA Agent informed me that he would need to inspect me physically. Normally I’m okay with a “TSA massage” when it’s my shoulders and back, but when he informed he was going to be patting down my buttocks and GROIN I felt UNCOMFORTABLE, but inste ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 12/03/19

December 3rd 2019 PST

I took the dog out to relieve himself before bed and while gazing up at the clouds in the night sky I could see the moon behind them struggling to peek out. Staring at the beauty of it, I stood motionless with my flashlight in hand thinking about how I was like that moon struggling to shine above my spiritual stagnation and move towards higher transformative vibrations. All my life I have been like that struggling moon, enduring clouded visions and unrealistic expectations. What I see is just my ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 11/26/19

November 26th 2019 PST

A week after our one-year anniversary, my boyfriend told me about his porn addiction. It was definitely a shock, and I was angry at him that he kept it from me for so long and angry at myself that I didn't see the signs. My mom was a recovering alcoholic, my sister a recovering drug addict, and my brother a suspected alcoholic. And with all this family history, I should have seen the signs, or so I thought. And I also thought I knew how to deal with this new information. I mean, my family dealt w ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 11/26/19

November 26th 2019 PST

A week after our one-year anniversary, my boyfriend told me about his porn addiction. It was definitely a shock, and I was angry at him that he kept it from me for so long and angry at myself that I didn't see the signs. My mom was a recovering alcoholic, my sister a recovering drug addict, and my brother a suspected alcoholic. And with all this family history, I should have seen the signs, or so I thought. And I also thought I knew how to deal with this new information. I mean, my family dealt w ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 11/19/19

November 19th 2019 PST

Hi, my name is C. I’m sorry to say that I am responsible for hurting a member of this group, and I am deeply sorry I did that. My behavior has caused damage to our relationship. It will probably take good deal of time before this person would see me as someone she can count on, and that is a loss I can’t recover. In the past, I have been so sure of who I am, and who I am not. This assurance comes from my beliefs. I believe that if I say I am going to do something, then I need to follow throu ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 11/12/19

November 12th 2019 PST

As a codependent who has been gradually letting old behaviors go for many years I find the term "character defect" offensive. I know that it is the lingo we use in this program. However, defect has a quality of blame or negativity about it that I no longer find useful. The codependent behaviors that I want to drop were at one time valuable behaviors that helped me to survive in a hostile environment as a child or young person. So I prefer to think of codependent behaviors as behaviors ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 11/05/19

November 5th 2019 PST

Here is my story: In October of 2009—after several hospitalizations—I was diagnosed with Severe Depression and Anxiety and admitted into the Intensive Outpatient Program at the hospital. I began working on my issues of depression and was told repeatedly that I was codependent. It was suggested that I attend CoDA meetings as well as therapy. I screwed up the courage, found a meeting and went. It was the third week of October. I got lost (I am also directionally challenged). I was tearful and ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 10/29/19

October 29th 2019 PST

Self-love Deficit Disorder Codependency and sex and love addiction appear to be related according to a prominent writer who wrote about these subjects. As an adult child of an alcoholic, I concur based on my own personal experience. I have gone to all the support groups that I felt appropriate: ACA, SLAA, S-Anon, and SA and now CoDA. I was involved with a sex addict, a narcissist, a codependent and other dysfunctional types of people. I think I have been around the block and then some. I arrive ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 10/21/19

October 22nd 2019 PST

Loose rock, loose brick. I've been in Codependents Anonymous for a little less time than I've been under a doctor’s care for cirrhosis. Not having proper tools to deal with problems in the past, not trusting anyone, not knowing how to ask for help and always thinking that it was just easier to do it myself led me down a path of desolation and despair. I would have one bad experience in a certain area and would I swear off whatever person, place or thing which I thought was responsible for the re ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 10/15/19

October 15th 2019 PST

My journey with CoDA started three years ago when my life was falling apart. To be quite honest I only joined to keep my marriage together but once I saw that I needed help I knew that I was the one that I had to change and not my husband. I bought the CoDA book and sought out a sponsor and when things seemed like it couldn't get any better I called my sponsor and she worked it out with me (baby steps). She worked with me twice a week and slowly I started seeing changes in myself. I started beli ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 10/8/19

October 8th 2019 PST

I came to CoDA at 26 after a tumultuous and devastating break-up (I had only barely begun to chip away at my denial involving my dysfunctional family and lonely childhood at this time). I was desperate for some relief, so I found a meeting in my town. I thought it would be a place where I could talk about how terrible my cheating partners were, or how my alcoholic mother was to blame for my difficulties in relationships. I felt I was simply a victim to these people and circumstances, and I wanted ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 10/1/19

October 1st 2019 PST

I lost a friend to suicide this week, and even though it was devastating and upsetting it hasn't debilitated me and I can see the Higher Power and my program of Codependents Anonymous at work. I also lost a friend a couple years back who was like a daughter to me. The only way I knew to get through it was to numb it with alcohol. I abused alcohol so badly that I had to spend five months in the hospital fighting for my life. The past year and a half I have been abstinent from alcohol and have bee ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 9/24/19

September 24th 2019 PST

I was unhappily married for 14 years. Since then, I never had a “real” or “normal” relationship. I was good with keeping things superficial but didn’t fully realize that this was a strategy for keeping safe. I could never allow anyone to see the REAL me—it simply wasn’t good enough! Finally, many years later, I set out to have a “legit” relationship. I felt so hopeful, but two failed relationships later, I found myself falling apart in every way when they ended. I was beside myself. I was left fe ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 9/17/19

September 17th 2019 PST

I have recently realized that my tardiness has to do with social anorexia, controlling patterns, selfishness, slothfulness, false pride, perfectionism and fear. It surprised me to see all those factors contributing to me being unable to arrive early to meetings. I recently decided to start an experiment where I leave early for meetings. I wanted to be useful and of service to participating fellow travelers. When I was leaving earlier than normal to make it to a meeting yesterday, I clearly felt ...Continue Reading

CoDA Co-NNections Meeting In Print Issue #13 Is Out

September 16th 2019 PST

Meeting in Print (MiP), a CoDA Co-NNections subcommittee, is proud to announce that the latest issue of its publication, themed "New Freedom" MiP is a quarterly publication that gives you the feeling of a live meeting while opening up space for texts, poetry, artwork and even music to help the CoDA community towards recovery. Each edition contains the following elements required in a CoDA group: * Welcome * Preamble * Twelve Steps * Twelve Traditions Along wit ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 9/10/19

September 10th 2019 PST

Owning My Power I own my power when I am clear with my boundaries, when I take full responsibility for my part and don’t take any responsibility for someone else's part. I own my power when I use the words "I", "I want", "I will", "I can", "Will you help me with ...?" I own my power when I let go of someone and sincerely wish them all the best. I own my power when I say "No, I can't do it this way. How about doing it this other way? ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 9/3/19

September 3rd 2019 PST

My Four Year Chip I grew up in a less than nurturing family. My father was scary and abusive to all of us. Physically beating up my brothers and mother. And sexually abusing my older sister and me. My mother was very afraid of him. We all walked on eggshells living in fear about the next violent outburst, which was not often but very volatile. We did everything in our power to please him and not upset him. Relief came when they divorced when I was 10. My mother then went on to marry a milita ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 8/27/19

August 27th 2019 PST

Conventions and retreats with the larger CoDA fellowship have been a big part of strengthening my recovery over the years. It was at my first CoDA convention that I witnessed functional ways of dealing with conflict. I watched two workshop presenters who were preparing their presentation and struggling to be on the same page pause, say the serenity prayer together and start their conversation over. At conventions and retreats, I receive the gift of fellowship and an expanded understanding of the ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 8/20/19

August 20th 2019 PST

My Four Year Chip: I grew up in a less than nurturing family. My father was scary and abusive to all of us. Physically beating up my brothers and mother. And sexually abusing my older sister and me. My mother was very afraid of him. We all walked on eggshells living in fear about the next violent outburst, which was not often but very volatile. We did everything in our power to please him and not upset him. Relief came when they divorced when I was 10. My mother then went on to marry a military ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 8/13/19

August 13th 2019 PST

How the CoDA Twelve Steps Changed My Life. I am a new person thanks to the Twelve Steps for I understand the nature of my disease now. It is a spiritual disease and the Twelve Steps is a spiritual program, which is perfect to heal my ailment. My spiritual disease can only be healed by reconnecting me with a Higher Power. I understand now that nothing and no one can replace God. I grew up in a home with an alcoholic father and a codependent mother. As a child I resented my father for drinking, b ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 8/6/19

August 6th 2019 PST

We don't need to do this anymore ! ! Having been raised in physically and mentally abusive environments I developed coping mechanisms to help me get by in life. For over 50 years I've used these tools and they became who I think I am as a person. If I remove them, then do I cease to exist? I've been working on my codependent issues in CoDA for six months and I've learned that they're nothing more than character defects. I need to pinpoint them and eradicate them. The problem is that these be ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 7/30/19

July 30th 2019 PST

On a rooftop in India a couple of years ago, a man yelled at me over and over, "You're an abused woman.” I thought, "I am not. I know women who are: how they act, how they look, how they speak, just being so battered, and I am not." But the tears that ran through my body spoke their own truth. I had surrounded myself with housewives like myself for years, and I had given them advice, always thinking that I knew best. Over the years people have spoken to me as though I am a child, ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 7/23/19

July 23rd 2019 PST

Howdy, my name is Gayle and I am a grateful recovering codependent. I am sixty years old. My mom got pregnant with me when she was sixteen. My dad was 21 and they were mostly complete strangers when they were forced to get married. Two more children came quickly. I grew up as a caregiver for my siblings. I believe that this responsibility was the beginning of my co-dependency. I was raised in a family where my dad was a dry drunk, workaholic and a sex addict. My maternal grandfather was a pe ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Readings Seeks New Articles

July 17th 2019 PST

We're writing today looking for CoDA members who would be interested in contributing to the Weekly Readings. We're looking for new material to send out for the Weekly Reading. We are especially looking for articles describing how the program helped you find recovery, happiness & serenity. We are also open to submissions that speak of the pain and struggle associated with recovering from Co-dependency. The format of the submission is left up to you. We may potentially accept any submission re ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 7/16/19

July 16th 2019 PST

I grew up in a family with secrets and dysfunction. Life has not been normal for me from as far back as I can remember. Too many childhood memories of trauma, confusion, loneliness and despair to count. Although therapy, self-help books and support from others has contributed so much to my self-care and healing, this 12-step program helps me where I am powerless, life is unmanageable, and I need to take accountability and responsibility for my life. It is a highly emotional yet deeply spiritual ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 7/9/19

July 9th 2019 PST

I used to have this masochistic way of walking backwards with a blindfold on, to slither under fabricated comfort to attempt to alleviate the intensity of recovery. I’ve learned to just be more forgiving of myself. So what, I used to offer my love to the wrong person in overwhelming waves of desperation. But I’ve learned, nothing good ever came of it. I’ve been staring my co-dependency straight in the eyes, asking it one million questions, finding out its secrets, and weakening its strengths ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 7/2/19

July 2nd 2019 PST

Having codependent habits is discovered when pain comes to a boiling point. A transitional point where awareness of imbalance is felt so intensely that no return to that point is an option. The only option is to find balance and healing, to find a different way. Married too fast too young: I married at the age of 18, had my first child at 19. I had known my now ex-husband for a little over three months before we were married. I did not even know the man. He wanted a family and so did I. He was ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 6/25/19

June 25th 2019 PST

' I LOVE YOU BUT...' Over the past 50 years most of my relationships have come with conditions. In order to be loved, I would have to change something about myself to make another person feel comfortable or happy. I would bend to their will desperate for love and approval. Nothing I did would yield the desired effect and it was never good enough or appreciated, So I would try harder to fit into the mold they wanted me to and many times I wound up being an extension of them. I would twist myse ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 6/18/19

June 18th 2019 PST

I spent the majority of my life trying to control everything I feared or deflect and distract myself from my fears and self loathing. I had lived in a dysfunctional household where trauma and neglect occurred on a daily basis. My mother was divorced with 5 children and we had an abusive father who abandoned us. He traumatized my 2 older sisters with sexual abuse and the rest of us with financial neglect. My mother endured and worked full-time while we struggled to live without much supervision. ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 6/11/19

June 11th 2019 PST

The Four Magic Words of Recovery Magic for me are the words, “ouch”, “oops”, “help” and “no”. I don’t know where they came from. Like so much CoDA wisdom, that will probably always remain anonymous. Wherever they came from, they serve me well. “Ouch” is the first one because I have to start by paying attention to myself. Ignoring hurts is not ok, not only physically but also emotionally. It is not ok for me to be berated or talked over or dominated or even ignored. I have a right to be a res ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 6/4/19

June 4th 2019 PST

I have recently celebrated two years of continuously "showing up" for myself through the CoDA program. Before attending my first CoDA meeting, I felt extremely victimized by my relationships and the external world. I had no clue I had been giving all of my own choices and power over to other people—my close relationships especially. Growing up in a dysfunctional home where I felt deeply from childhood that my worth stemmed from my helpfulness and needlessness, I did not allow myself to ...Continue Reading

CoDA Co-NNections Meeting In Print Issue #12 Is Out

June 3rd 2019 PST

Meeting in Print (MiP), a CoDA Co-NNections subcommittee, is proud to announce that the latest issue of its publication, themed "Precious and Free" MiP is a quarterly publication that gives you the feeling of a live meeting while opening up space for texts, poetry, artwork and even music to help the CoDA community towards recovery. Each edition contains the following elements required in a CoDA group: * Welcome * Preamble * Twelve Steps * Twelve Traditions Alo ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 5/28/19

May 28th 2019 PST

I recently experienced a major shift. Before this shift, any little “attack” from my narcissistic husband or my adult children would be soooo painful it would send me spiraling down into hopeless despair because I thought I needed their love and approval. Their responses to me “defined” me as a person. Since this shift (through counseling and CoDA), it is like the attacks bounce off and I don’t feel the pain. Now I feel irritated and disgusted by the immaturity of the attacks. I am much more abl ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 5/22/19

May 22nd 2019 PST

A year ago, self-destructive codependent patterns culminated in me nearly dying in the ICU from untreated alcoholism. While lying in that hospital bed I prayed for a second chance. After three months of hospitalization I was released clean, sober but without tools to cope with the core issues that led to these destructive behaviors. Then I found CoDA and was finally able to look at my past through a different lens. I began understanding the root causes of my codependent patterns and how they had ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 5/14/19

May 14th 2019 PST

Several years ago, I stepped into my first group meeting for codependency. That day helped changed my life and was the beginning of my recovery. Many great women in the groups supported me and were a part of my journey to healing. Without them and the steps, I might have been six feet under (literally). Codependency was a root illness of mine for years, but I did not know this until I was introduced to CoDA. Because of the groups, and learning along the way, I was able to heal and reach the t ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 5/7/19

May 7th 2019 PST

In my journey to sever my codependency, I've searched deep into who I was when I first married and now, 20 years later, broken and beautiful. I've learned the difference between trust and the benefit of doubt. For the longest time they were interchangeable in speech; I rarely gave either. I came from a family where trust was rare and self-preservation was necessary. Over the years I have learned to give the benefit of doubt but it is difficult, even to competent adults. It takes effort even a ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 4/30/19

April 30th 2019 PST

I frequently return to Step 1. Although I have worked all my Steps during my years working my program, I find myself facing situations and people in my life that I am unable to control. In fact, it’s in my most intimate relationships where I find myself wanting to control the people who affect me daily. It’s in these relationships that I most frequently act out my codependent patterns and characteristics. That’s a given. These behaviors never disappear completely; instead I learn how to manage th ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 4/23/19

April 23rd 2019 PST

An Apology Is Not An Amends At least, that’s the way I have come to see it. I have always been uncomfortable with apologies but I have told myself that when I do wrong, I deserve the discomfort from making an apology. Nevertheless, growing more and more during my time in CoDA, I have felt apologies to be demeaning, not good. And in CoDA, I learn that making a mistake is not becoming a mistake, perhaps validating my discomfort with apologies. A mistake is something I did, not something I am. ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 4/16/19

April 16th 2019 PST

Hello! I'm a codependent by birth! Always wanted other people's attention and love. I was addicted to candy and gum as a child. Would peel it off the ground and chew it! It was as if I needed something to push down my pain. I was sexually abused by my father's cousin at 3!! But I am such a strong person. Always have been. Defeated death many times. My favorite therapist said that I have the strongest spirit he's ever known. My base core problem is "looking for love in all the wrong places&qu ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 4/9/19

April 9th 2019 PST

I'm Dan, I’m codependent and in recovery. I’m getting better and enjoying the promises coming as I walk through the steps with my co-sponsor and step study meetings. I get to share my story and listen to others like it. I learn to meditate (listen) and pray, play, journal, call other recovering friends, and sometimes answer calls and tell people about CoDA. We call it carrying the message as suggested in Step 12. Of all the service work I've done, sharing my experience strength and hope is the be ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 4/2/19

April 2nd 2019 PST

The Four Magic Words of Recovery That clever phrase in the title caught my eye. It was from a recent Weekly Reading and it was followed by a reference to Group Conscience, a part of CoDA I am particularly grateful for. Even with meetings and sponsors, my recovery is mostly interior, meeting attitude challenges one by one. The quiet satisfaction of that interior growth is surely gratifying but it doesn't seem enough for me. I need to give it away, somehow, to engage it with others. That is ho ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 3/26/19

March 26th 2019 PST

I had a CoDA miracle in my life last June, and for the past 6 months, I have been walking around in a pink cloud. I thought life was amazing, and everyone God brought into my life was there just for me. I guess it was like being born all over again and seeing life for the first time. Now the real hard work begins! Now I must start rebuilding my life. I will need boundaries, so my life is not too big or too small. I will need structure so it doesn't fall over, and I must build my life with tho ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 3/19/19

March 19th 2019 PST

I was abused from the age of 14. This is when I stopped growing emotionally and spiritually. I am now 57 years old and no longer feel a victim. My innocence had been taken from me physically and emotionally leaving my self esteem at rock bottom. I continued to have emotional rock bottoms until I found alcohol. To me, this gave me the courage to be me. I now know it wasn’t the real me. It took away my self hate and worthlessness. I drank 24 hours a day for 6 years, then I reached what I now u ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 3/12/19

March 12th 2019 PST

Even after initially discovering codependency and reading books that helped me slightly to detach, I never truly knew just how abusive my relationship was until I was recently arrested for domestic violence. Never in a million years did I imagine that I, an attractive, seemingly well put together, young petite woman would end up in jail for two nights, with a battery charge. My relationship was built on lies, manipulation, alcoholism, jealousy, violence—the opposite of the definition of love. I ...Continue Reading

CoDA Co-NNections Meeting In Print Issue #11 Is Out

March 6th 2019 PST

Meeting in Print (MiP), a CoDA Co-NNections subcommittee, is proud to announce that the latest issue of its publication, themed "I Can Climb Any Mountain". MiP is a quarterly publication that gives you the feeling of a live meeting while opening up space for texts, poetry, artwork and even music to help the CoDA community towards recovery. Each edition contains the following elements required in a CoDA group: * Welcome * Preamble * Twelve Steps * Twelve Traditions ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 3/5/19

March 5th 2019 PST

I’m still so very fragile. So vulnerable. So scared. All the while knowing that there is a God, that I cannot control others, only myself. I make so much ground only to slip back, wanting to save the very person who broke me over 25 years and 6 kids later. I entered this marriage tall and proud of myself and all the accomplishments I had made on my own. I knew how good I was. How kind I was. How I would take care of anyone because I was that strong and I could handle anything. This stren ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 2/26/19

February 26th 2019 PST

THE TWO DERIVATIVES OF AWARENESS Me as the Codependent Driver of my Disease Me as the Codependent Co-Navigator of my Disease And how I recognise and change both those Me’s to better drive and co-navigate my Codependent Car into Recovery! (phew, quite a mouthful) Just yesterday I was thinking, what’s that ONE thing which CoDA has given me which I didn’t possess before? It is the ability to UNDERSTAND my disease and understand how I used to blindly react to pain and fear and shame and g ...Continue Reading

CoDA Co-NNections Is Seeking New Members

February 22nd 2019 PST

Do you love reading? Do you benefit from hearing recovery stories? Do you love listening to the heartbeat of someone's writing? Do you have a knack for editing? Do you love helping someone make their voice heard? Are you drawn to doing service work, but are scared of what that might mean? We need you- Because being scared is normal and humble. Step out with HP and serve with us, as we grow in our own recovery while carrying the message to codependents who still suffer. Once a week the ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 2/19/19

February 19th 2019 PST

This is my story about my two and a half months in CoDA. I call it "Walking Stride for Stride" Not so long ago I was down and out. I couldn't see clearly, my vision was in doubt. Don't believe anything you hear and only half of what you see. See my mind would play tricks on me. Our eyes are the windows to our soul and without tears our rainbows would have no rainbows. Every day and night the hours just passed. My mind solely focusing on my past. I did not understand the pain inside me ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 2/12/19

February 12th 2019 PST

On my CoDA recovery journey I have learned new tools that I have been able to call upon when needed. One of those tools is writing a daily affirmation, which I share with an affirmation buddy. In this daily affirmation, I am aware of my internal responses to external circumstances and learn how to focus my attention on what I can control versus what I can't. This has given me a greater sense of serenity and peace on a day-by-day, step-by-step basis. I'd like to share my affirmation for today: ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 2/5/19

February 5th 2019 PST

The word codependency was introduced to me years ago after I had my first realization I couldn't control my life and those around me. I felt like I was losing my grasp on reality and reached out to my family and they took me to see a counselor the next day. I only saw this counselor once and left his office flustered and feeling resentful that it didn’t "help." He used the word codependency and it has lingered in my mind for the past decade. Shortly after this moment in my life, substa ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 1/22/19

January 22nd 2019 PST

Self-esteem. It’s interesting to think about what that word means. How do I esteem myself? What do I think of who I am? For most of my life I let others make that decision for me. I was a people pleaser. I let what others thought of me define who I was. In recovery, I’m learning who I am. I am growing. I am more self-aware in knowing my strengths and my weaknesses. Because I am learning who God—my higher power—is and how I am loved just as I am. I can admit when I make a mistake, realizing ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 1/15/19

January 15th 2019 PST

A Reflection about the Slogans * I practice gratitude. / I adopt an attitude of gratitude. * In order to feel grateful, first I need to trust. * In the morning, I decide what sort of day I am going to have. * You can’t keep it if you don’t give it away. I had to spend several years working the CoDA program – at least five – before I began to understand what the subject of gratitude was all about and its importance to my recovery process. Since I came to the Twelve Steps a very da ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 1/8/19

January 8th 2019 PST

Today we have 3 short readings for you. I was well hidden in my codependent behaviors or at least I thought I was. I had to be better than everyone around me so that I wasn't overwhelmed with shame. I accomplished that by finding flaws in everyone and imagining myself to be a superior spiritual person. The distancing of this strategy was isolating and unsustainable. My first CoDA meeting gave me hope. My first sponsor gave me the steps and, along with weekly meetings and multiple step studies th ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 1/1/19

January 1st 2019 PST

I've been in CoDA for a long time (my first meeting was the last Wednesday in August 1992, LOL). I'll never forget when I entered that meeting and everyone shared their name. One woman said, "I'm __________, I'm a codependent and a compulsive addict." After one year of only partially fitting in with another 12 step program, I had found home. I've learned a lot of useful things in CoDA, moderation being one of the most important. Although 26+ years later I still have to work on that ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 12/24/18

December 24th 2018 PST

There was a time when the holidays were about lights, and candy, and wonder, and anticipation. We were *commanded* to be giddy over the religious overtones of the season. And to keep the codependent peace, we outwardly acquiesced. But in our hearts, it was really the toys and the big fat man – the true lord of childhood – that actually counted. Time elapsed, and like so many others, I was dismayed and disillusioned to find that our toy lord was just another fairytale sold to us by Corporate Amer ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 12/11/18

December 11th 2018 PST

I sit in my office looking at the poster that I see every day, which says in big red and white letters: “Our company wants you to wear Personal Protective Equipment (PPE)”. The more I looked at this phrase the more I thought about my breakdown today that made me have to call my sister. The anxiety just started to build in me. I don't know where it came from and it set in fast. I started to drown. The only thing I could think of is that I didn't want it to go down like I know it could. I am at wo ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 12/04/18

December 4th 2018 PST

The Loss of Higher Power. When I came to CoDA I had an unspoken struggle with Higher Power. I lost Higher Power and it was the biggest loss of myself in life. Eventually I decided to pretend I believed in Higher Power, because I needed hope. I used to love the Silence. I would set my alarm for 3 am, get up, get on my prayer stool, and meditate. Afterwards writing would pour out of me. Discipline of the heart does not allow for electronic distraction. Recently I stayed with someone wh ...Continue Reading

CoDA Co-NNections Meeting In Print Issue #10 Is Out

November 27th 2018 PST

Meeting in Print (MiP), a CoDA Co-NNections subcommittee, is proud to announce that the latest issue of its publication, themed "Fall Focus". MiP is a quarterly publication that gives you the feeling of a live meeting while opening up space for texts, poetry, artwork and even music to help the CoDA community towards recovery. Each edition contains the following elements required in a CoDA group: * Welcome * Preamble * Twelve Steps * Twelve Traditions Along with t ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 11/26/18

November 27th 2018 PST

I walked into the rooms feeling tired of being tired. Thinking I have spent all I could to have a good life and it’s just not so. I was aware the man I was dating for eight years, on and off, was a drug to me and was killing me more than giving me any high. I wanted out but had no idea how or if I had the energy to do it. I tried before, only to return to the poison he gave me. I lived off being the victim. I can look back now knowing I enjoyed sharing my sorry life with others because it gave m ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 11/20/18

November 20th 2018 PST

At times over the last nine months of attending CoDA meetings, I have wondered whether this is really the right place for me. The stories I hear often recall times of such intense sexual, physical and emotional abuse, which I did not experience. I believe that scares some newcomers like myself away. However, the women (and men) that I have met in my two different meetings have listened to my shares and offered support that has made a huge difference in my life, and I am so grateful for that. ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 11/13/18

November 13th 2018 PST

I was a hoarder. Because of my codependence I could not tell where I ended or began. I could not tell what beauty existed outside of me and what was within me. Therefore I could not throw out things of beauty in case they existed inside me and were important. But my husband could. Every time we went to throw out the accumulation of family life he would take something from me that I did not know was precious and that was the first thing to go to the dump. When my dancing medals and cups ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 11/05/18

November 6th 2018 PST

I had called my wife codependent a thousand times. She filed a protection order against me because I called her a name. She used things I said or did over the course of our 10-year relationship and presented them as if they were one incident. It was a bad read. The judge agreed. I was without my son—through whom I have recognized and re-experienced my abandonment issues—for about 10 days. I went through drug-like withdrawal symptoms. It was during this time I had an eight-hour road trip and dow ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 10/30/18

October 30th 2018 PST

Before CoDA, I felt numb and unable to express my needs, wants, desires and identity in any meaningful way. I hid my expressions to blend in and to keep the peace. In CoDA, I feel a new sense of purpose and emotion which has surprised me and at the same time delighted me. I notice how raw my poetry feels and also how my truth comes from a deep place. Thank you for this gift of expression, higher power, and keep it coming. My companions alone at night In the darkness, my only companions are m ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 10/23/18

October 23rd 2018 PST

I came to CoDA at a time when I needed it most. I felt God had been preparing me to take this step so that I could heal. I have attended three meetings but have been listening to the CoDA steps on the internet daily and have been journaling regularly (I have done that all my life). While I was reading the steps the first time, I realised that a Higher Power was mentioned on each step. It became easy for me to start practising my religion more at a deeper level and not just out of habit or as ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 10/16/18

October 16th 2018 PST

Hi! My English isn’t so good because it’s my second language but anyway I will share my story. :) My parents were both alcoholics and my childhood passed in very sick circumstances. I was abused in many ways, not only mentally, emotionally and physically but also spiritually. When I was a child my parents often left me alone to do the household stuff instead of allowing me to go outside with my friends. If I didn’t finish cleaning, cooking, etc., before they come back home then I would get pu ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 10/9/18

October 9th 2018 PST

My name is Mark and I am a codependent This week I relearned a valuable lesson. I want to focus on the relearning part. I wonder if working all 12 steps in CoDA will help me not to have to relearn basic truths that make me healthy. Well, either way I am gifted to be able to practice a healthy behavior all over again. As I was growing up I felt that I had to be funny and pleasing to everyone and agreeable. And a lot of that really was enjoyable. My sponsor or someone I can't remember told me that ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 10/2/18

October 2nd 2018 PST

I used to drink with my boyfriend almost every other night. That was our main hobby, drinking. I felt I needed revenge on him so many times because he'd let his phone die and would go out drinking till almost the next day. Meanwhile I worried, cried, and broke up with him, only to return to the same cycle. I have forgiven an unbelievable amount of mistakes in this relationship as well as made an unbelievable amount of mistakes. I manipulated him as much as he has manipulated me. I recently s ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 9/25/18

September 25th 2018 PST

Hello, I am presently in a caregiver situation with my mother. I am staying with her in her home. She is sick with weakness and aging problems. My relationship has been rocky from the start and I am remembering what it was like as a teenager at home and the reasons why I left early to make a life of my own. Nevertheless it has been a time to spend with mom and help with the burden of losing independence. CoDA has helped me through the process of letting go of the personal attacks of blame and vi ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 9/18/18

September 17th 2018 PST

My Surrender and CODA’s Help to Accept the Things I Cannot Change We have a large family and I did not get a lot of attention as a child. I was a caregiver/babysitter for my sisters, a helper to mom and a “good girl”. I never knew that I could ask for what I needed or wanted. I did not think in those terms at all. There was a lot of bickering and arguing especially when my parents were drinking. My dad worked all the time. When he came home that is all the table talk was about. Work. Complaini ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 9/11/18

September 11th 2018 PST

Hello, My name is Laura and I am very codependent. I attended my first CoDA meeting about ten years ago. Stayed for a little while and came back two years ago. I had three relationships prior to CoDA that I now know were doomed because of my codependency (among other things). I gave everything I had in me and then some, thinking this is what you are supposed to do. When my partner(s) were unfaithful, I swallowed my pride and never missed a step. I wasn’t going anywhere—if anything, I became ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 9/4/18

September 4th 2018 PST

I am in my 7th year of recovery from codependency. I'd like to share some of the treasures I have received from my journey with the loving Higher Power of my own understanding. The gifts come through interaction with others and the awareness, acceptance, and change that result. Before recovery, I used to feel terrible and guilty when I triggered another person. I didn't know about doing a 4th step and checking in with myself to examine whether I had done something truly offensive. This 4th st ...Continue Reading

CoDA Co-NNections Meeting In Print Issue #9 Is Out

September 2nd 2018 PST

Meeting in Print (MiP), a CoDA Co-NNections subcommittee, is proud to announce that the latest issue of its publication, themed "Fall Focus". MiP is a quarterly publication that gives you the feeling of a live meeting while opening up space for texts, poetry, artwork and even music to help the CoDA community towards recovery. Each edition contains the following elements required in a CoDA group: Welcome * Preamble * Twelve Steps * Twelve Traditions Along with these ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 8/28/18

August 28th 2018 PST

I was introduced to CoDA when I was 22 years old. I was very thankful to realize I wasn't crazy and there was actually a name and a reason for my behavior and a group of wonderful people willing to share their stories and listen to mine! WOW! Not feeling isolated for the first time in my life was and continues to be the best feeling in the world. No more asking myself, "What's wrong with me?" Having a definition for my behavior, being able to listen to others with similar behavior patte ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 8/21/18

August 20th 2018 PST

I came into the rooms of CoDA raising a white flag of surrender and desperate for help. I had lost my God, my Soul and Me. I wanted a new life and I had grown sick and tired of the old ways that no longer worked for me. I finally came to believe that change is possible if I looked for it in the rooms of CoDA and by working the 12 Steps. I saw others who discarded old, self-defeating life styles and were happy, joyous and free. I wanted what you had but I didn’t know how to get it. You told me, “K ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 8/14/18

August 14th 2018 PST

Many years back I'd written this statement to myself. I was in Rehab and we were asked to write down a thought or meditation for the day on the blackboard. Usually we'd just copy some statement from a book, but as usual I'd want to think I could express my own experience. It was a topic on Humility. I'd written: “Humility is to know you're broken, but you still love yourself.” I many times wonder why I associated humility with this. But somewhere somehow I know it makes sense to me. To be broken ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 8/7/18

August 7th 2018 PST

So how did I get here? Many years ago I was given clear signals (to me anyway) by my parents that I was unlovable and didn’t deserve to be cared for. I had two fairly functional alcoholic parents whose primary consideration was themselves. At one point, with my father being in the armed forces I had to be flown to Germany for bunion surgery. I was 9 years old. My dad dropped me off at the hospital the day we flew in and never came back until I was discharged two weeks later. The first several day ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 7/31/18

July 31st 2018 PST

When I was a schoolgirl I coped with some types of fear with physical acts of courage, such as shouting and charging two boys who were throwing rocks at a friend and me as we walked home from school. To an extent, rage fueled my action that day: rage at the idea of stoning anyone, at the helpless tears of my frightened friend and at the father of those boys, who stood watching their actions without comment and then scoffed when I asked how he could condone what the boys had done. Other types of f ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 7/24/18

July 24th 2018 PST

I remember first being introduced to CoDA several years ago. I had recently gotten married after only knowing my boyfriend for six weeks. A week after we got married, my father died from an alcoholic-related heart attack. Then I learned that my new husband had relapsed on cocaine after years of sobriety. I had only been sober for a year and a half and cocaine had been my drug of choice. It felt like the world was crashing in all around me. As I began attending CoDA meetings regularly I was sadde ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 7/17/18

July 17th 2018 PST

When I look back at all the pain and suffering, it was my long relationship with self-destructive habits that created the prison that became my home. I only knew what I grew up with. That dysfunctional thinking brought on certain attitudes and actions that weren't so easy to toss aside when I first came into CoDA almost 22 years ago. I lived with my parents instructions and they were filled with misconceptions and lies. Although they were living in their reality, I was trying to figure out my li ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 7/10/18

July 10th 2018 PST

My name is Liza and I am a recovering Codependent. I am grieving what I lost. I grew up with a very abusive domineering mother. All my childhood I was in survival mode and when I was 12 she ended up abandoning me. In my early twenties, despite being married to a loving dependable man, her abandonment caused me to live in fear of being abandoned. I did everything I could to control everything in my life. In doing so I was not able to live in the present. I ended up pursuing an education at any cos ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 7/3/18

July 3rd 2018 PST

I just met a guy. He seems like a nice, intelligent person who has a job. I am afraid. He is not my type. I have to stop myself from putting myself down or jokingly denying his compliments. I don’t know how healthy relationships work. Is he being considerate or controlling when he gives me a napkin I didn’t ask for to mop up my coffee? Are his emails trying to keep me totally focused on him or is he just enjoying a new relationship? I don’t know. How am I supposed to act? Should I dress up o ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 6/26/18

June 26th 2018 PST

The Tree of Bullying The tree of bullying began inside me. I don't remember it consciously as a seed. But I knew I loved it, and I nourished its leaves, until it was a majestic tree. I used words to myself, like, "You should, you could shape up you must be ashamed aren't you afraid? why did you? who do you think you are?" Somehow people on the outside knew about my Tree of Bullying and they loved it. They used the same language to show that they loved me ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 6/19/18

June 19th 2018 PST

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Hi everyone, My name is Peggy and I was diagnosed as a codependent about 9 years ago when I went into counselling to find out why my then-relationship with a much younger man was not working. I realised I was a caretaker rather than a partner and I left the relationship. I attended one meeting of Codependents Anonymous and decided "it was not for me" and I could do thi ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 6/12/18

June 12th 2018 PST

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Long weekends are very hard. I feel the resistance to going to that family function that I hate - the one that is always the same and where I have to fit myself into a role that fits somebody else's expectation or the successful one that I had imagined myself to be in. How do others cope with the pain that I feel? Are others "normal" and I'm the weird one? Is this just my i ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 6/5/18

June 5th 2018 PST

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) In CoDA meetings I found that some people triggered a strong reaction of anxiety and fear and I could not understand why. After one meeting, I thought about it and realised that there were people in my past that I needed to make peace with, and that meant making peace with myself. I wrote a letter, and found that I could explain how I needed to forgive myself for my extreme code ...Continue Reading

CoDA Co-NNections Meeting In Print Issue #8 Is Out

May 29th 2018 PST

Meeting in Print (MiP), a CoDA Co-NNections subcommittee, is proud to announce that the latest issue of its publication, themed "Spring Into Recovery". MiP is a quarterly publication that gives you the feeling of a live meeting while opening up space for texts, poetry, artwork and even music to help the CoDA community towards recovery. Each edition contains the following elements required in a CoDA group: * Welcome * Preamble * Twelve Steps * Twelve Traditions ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 5/29/18

May 29th 2018 PST

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) I offer this experience of mine because I believe caregivers for Alzheimer's patients especially would find powerful support within the program of Codependents Anonymous (CoDA). There are both face-to-face, phone and online meetings listed at [1]coda.org. I provide my story as evidence for what has enabled me to do my part--which was the major part--in caring for my sister Mary L ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 5/22/18

May 22nd 2018 PST

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Hope/full in CoDA I've been on the ledge of hope/less and it's a grand sight to those who are fearless. I am not completely fearless or fear/less but, for what I know hopeless is not entirely me. This is because I still have hope things will work out, I hope that in time I will (slowly) make things better. The /less part is that part that feels insurmountable. ...Continue Reading

CoDA Weekly Reading 5/15/18

May 15th 2018 PST

(Mailing list information, including how to remove yourself with 1 click, is located at the end of this message.) Today in CoDA I rid fear from my vocabulary. I choose to remove my armor. I stand... Unprotected and strong, Unguarded and self-assured, Vulnerable and courageous, Unweighted and lighter, Unburdened and lifted, Venerable and confident, Untouchable from within. - Michelle M. – 3/22/18 Everyb ...Continue Reading

CoDA Co-NNections Committee Needs Members

May 8th 2018 PST

Do you enjoy the weekly recovery readings? Do you like carrying the message of recovery? Would you like to be a part of the Co-NNections committee? If you answered yes to the above questions, WE WANT YOU!!! The Co-NNections committee is currently looking for new members. Skills that would be helpful could include: Excitement & joy about codependency recovery Knowledge of the Traditions Strong writing and editing skills Available for occasional teleconferences Email & com ...Continue Reading
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