June 11th 2019
The Four Magic Words of Recovery Magic for me are the words, “ouch”, “oops”, “help” and “no”. I don’t know where they came from. Like so much CoDA wisdom, that will probably always remain anonymous. Wherever they came from, they serve me well. “Ouch” is the first one because I have to start by paying attention to myself. Ignoring hurts is not ok, not only physically but also emotionally. It is not ok for me to be berated or talked over or dominated or even ignored. I have a right to be a respected part of any group ...Continue Reading
June 4th 2019
I have recently celebrated two years of continuously "showing up" for myself through the CoDA program. Before attending my first CoDA meeting, I felt extremely victimized by my relationships and the external world. I had no clue I had been giving all of my own choices and power over to other people—my close relationships especially. Growing up in a dysfunctional home where I felt deeply from childhood that my worth stemmed from my helpfulness and needlessness, I did not allow myself to get to know the real Ka ...Continue Reading
June 3rd 2019
/Meeting in Print/ /(MiP)/, a CoDA Co-NNections subcommittee, is proud to announce that the latest issue of its publication, themed /"Precious and Free"/ MiP is a quarterly publication that gives you the feeling of a live meeting while opening up space for texts, poetry, artwork and even music to help the CoDA community towards recovery. Each edition contains the following elements required in a CoDA group: [*]Welcome [*]Preamble [*]Twelve Steps [*]Twelve Traditions Along with these elements there is ...Continue Reading
May 28th 2019
I recently experienced a major shift. Before this shift, any little “attack” from my narcissistic husband or my adult children would be soooo painful it would send me spiraling down into hopeless despair because I thought I needed their love and approval. Their responses to me “defined” me as a person. Since this shift (through counseling and CoDA), it is like the attacks bounce off and I don’t feel the pain. Now I feel irritated and disgusted by the immaturity of the attacks. I am much more able to speak up, stand my ...Continue Reading
May 22nd 2019
A year ago, self-destructive codependent patterns culminated in me nearly dying in the ICU from untreated alcoholism. While lying in that hospital bed I prayed for a second chance. After three months of hospitalization I was released clean, sober but without tools to cope with the core issues that led to these destructive behaviors. Then I found CoDA and was finally able to look at my past through a different lens. I began understanding the root causes of my codependent patterns and how they had impacted every aspect o ...Continue Reading
May 14th 2019
Several years ago, I stepped into my first group meeting for codependency. That day helped changed my life and was the beginning of my recovery. Many great women in the groups supported me and were a part of my journey to healing. Without them and the steps, I might have been six feet under (literally). Codependency was a root illness of mine for years, but I did not know this until I was introduced to CoDA. Because of the groups, and learning along the way, I was able to heal and reach the twelfth step, enlightenment ...Continue Reading
May 7th 2019
In my journey to sever my codependency, I've searched deep into who I was when I first married and now, 20 years later, broken and beautiful. I've learned the difference between trust and the benefit of doubt. For the longest time they were interchangeable in speech; I rarely gave either. I came from a family where trust was rare and self-preservation was necessary. Over the years I have learned to give the benefit of doubt but it is difficult, even to competent adults. It takes effort even after 40 years. I have lea ...Continue Reading
April 30th 2019
I frequently return to Step 1. Although I have worked all my Steps during my years working my program, I find myself facing situations and people in my life that I am unable to control. In fact, it’s in my most intimate relationships where I find myself wanting to control the people who affect me daily. It’s in these relationships that I most frequently act out my codependent patterns and characteristics. That’s a given. These behaviors never disappear completely; instead I learn how to manage them. Of the many tools I ...Continue Reading
April 23rd 2019
An Apology Is Not An Amends At least, that’s the way I have come to see it. I have always been uncomfortable with apologies but I have told myself that when I do wrong, I deserve the discomfort from making an apology. Nevertheless, growing more and more during my time in CoDA, I have felt apologies to be demeaning, not good. And in CoDA, I learn that making a mistake is not becoming a mistake, perhaps validating my discomfort with apologies. A mistake is something I did, not something I am. More and more, I have been ...Continue Reading
April 16th 2019
Hello! I'm a codependent by birth! Always wanted other people's attention and love. I was addicted to candy and gum as a child. Would peel it off the ground and chew it! It was as if I needed something to push down my pain. I was sexually abused by my father's cousin at 3!! But I am such a strong person. Always have been. Defeated death many times. My favorite therapist said that I have the strongest spirit he's ever known. My base core problem is "looking for love in all the wrong places" remember that song? ...Continue Reading
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