November 17th 2020 PST
Grieving My Losses I have grieved the loss of four parents, a baby daughter, a brother, friends, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and many beloved pets. Each one was as difficult as the last. Since I have been in recovery and working hard and earnestly on my codependent issues, I’m suffering a different kind of loss now. Not only am I experiencing the death of myself and my core issues from early on faulty wiring, but each time I flex a new muscle that I didn’t know I had, I lose friends who I ...Continue Reading
November 10th 2020 PST
Learning to Trust My Feelings How can I trust my emotions, thoughts, and innermost feelings when everything is so saturated with codependency? How do I know if it’s live, or if it’s a seemingly endless recorded playback from something that was over 50 years ago? How do I trust myself again? How do I trust my thoughts? How do I know if it’s coming from my Higher Power, or from yet another angry and disgruntled core issue? How do I trust that a person is safe or unsafe when my triggers ...Continue Reading
November 3rd 2020 PST
10 Years ago, I was separated from my wife and children. I had recently decided to leave because I fell in love with someone else. Of course, I could not commit to my girlfriend either. I was a complete mess, saying and doing things that were completely erratic. I almost got fired from my job and everything that I had so tirelessly worked for began to unravel. I moved back in with my parents (I can’t tell you how difficult that was!), and was forced to evaluate my behavior. I found CoDA through ...Continue Reading
October 27th 2020 PST
NO RISK, NO REWARD A traumatic childhood forced me out of the nest at age 14. Being sheltered and the only girl in the family, I was told that anything I wanted, I could have my brothers once they were finished with it. My brother brought me a beaten-up boom box with duct tape around it. It was my salvation since I was always in my room on restriction. It got taken away, with the reasoning that while I was living under their roof, everything I thought was mine was in fact theirs. Once I under ...Continue Reading
October 20th 2020 PST
Good morning, I've been reading weekly readings and thinking about how codependency has run rampant in my life, and what I have done to heal. I was adopted by loving parents and my family, shortly after my birth. My mom grew up in a family that had abuse and dysfunction, so she had a difficult time raising me and helping me develop my emotional self. My dad grew up in a Polish Canadian immigrant family - he became an RCMP member and devoted 50 years to his profession. I revered my dad - he p ...Continue Reading
October 13th 2020 PST
If I am going to do this, I must go all the way I have buried trauma from a very young age, and around 30 more years after that. I learned very early how to conceal and block anything my heart and mind couldn’t handle. A couple of years back, it erupted like an active volcano, destroying most everything I held sacred. My spirit shriveled up and died like a worm that didn’t make it back into the dirt before the sun’s full rise. I was in an alternate reality, which I had created myself. Nobody ...Continue Reading
October 6th 2020 PST
It all started growing up with an alcoholic mother and a father who left when I was 12 years old for another woman. I was left taking care of a mom who was emotionally abusive and I basically raised myself. The pain of abandonment was unbearable other times I just tried to survive. Eventually the alcohol took my mother's life. I was 28 years old. It was just another abandonment in my life. I felt that I could just not take any more pain. Fast forward to my adult life. I entered into a physically ...Continue Reading
September 29th 2020 PST
After more than 40 years of not understanding what was really "wrong" with me, I recently attended my first CODA meeting. After having experienced and been treated for depression, anxiety, headaches, anger, and substance abuse, it seems I've finally come "home" to the root of my problem--co-dependence. Thank you CODA for being available, and for the list of 28 common behavior patterns and attitudes in the "Am I Co-Dependent" brochure. I've never seen myself so clearly ...Continue Reading
September 22nd 2020 PST
Hi, my name is Caryn, and I'm codependent. Additionally, my brain is a little different from most folks’ because I have a neurological condition that affects the way I feel, think, learn, and communicate. Just like my codependency, I've had this neurological condition my entire life, but I didn't know what it was until just a few years ago. I knew there was something “off” about me and I didn't fit in, I just didn't know what it was or what to do about it. I came to CoDA many years ago with a fri ...Continue Reading
September 14th 2020 PST
On page 9 in our Co-Dependents Anonymous book, the second paragraph states: “Behaviors that may have served us well in our childhood are now causing our lives to deteriorate.” After reading this I recalled that as a child I had to numb my sense of danger in order to get along with my sexually abusive dad. I was small and did not have a close relationship with my mother, and dad told me not to tell her of his sexual acts or she would be mad. Since dad was my main caretaker and mom did not act lik ...Continue Reading
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