I started going to CoDA meetings nearly a year ago. Prompted by my therapist who suggested I'd be well-served by a 'community' who was suffering in similar ways, I went to an in-person Wednesday evening group to see if it was the medicine I'd been seeking. Slowly then suddenly, hearing people talk about boundaries - their struggle to maintain them and yet their subsequent joy that came from learning why they struggled in the first place - gave me so much peace. It made me feel less broken. It made me feel worthwhile... like if this group of amazing, funny, supportive human beings could be there for themselves in the process, maybe I could learn to accept myself as a work in progress, too. Every Wednesday since then, I have looked forward to meeting the community that keeps me accountable to accepting myself, flaws and all.

Kisses From a Recovering Codependent

Big emotions, strong devotions

Unrequited care

Conflict manage, take advantage

Manipulative flare

If you resist it, I can fix it

I can carry it all

I find it thrilling to will the unwilling

I catch anything that falls

But wait, what’s there? My own despair?

I thought I was a machine

My overloaded mind exploded

Another mess I have to clean!

But wait a minute, just sit in it

Emotions don’t require action

My performative ways for all these days,

I’ll replace with some compassion

And there she is, my inner kid

Waiting to be appeased

No more to do, it’s just you & you

No people left to please

From here on out, I’ll never doubt

The truth that I’m enough

And when my urges start to surface

I’ll call my ego’s bluff

No contemplations of compensations

If there’s no hits, then there’s no misses

Time for reflection, progress not perfection

Signed, with codependent kisses

Cyd K.  03.23.2024

Everybody in CoDA has a story to tell. Sharing yours may help thousands of codependents still suffering. We are always accepting submissions. Please contribute your experience, strength and hope by emailing your story to wr@coda.org.