‘My Recovery and Kitties’

Near the beginning of covid, my recovery cat of 16+ years, Sam, got the "can't pee" issue. He had surgery to remedy that and came home with brain damage. His behavior told me he was not comfortable anymore; his quality of life was no longer good.

Over time CoDA helped me understand that my cat trusted me to take care of him. To feed him, give him water, a cat box, attention, to brush him, help him when he wasn't feeling well. And part of this is also to realize when the quality of life is not good anymore. That the kind thing to do was to let him go. Part of my caring for him throughout his life.

Grieving is part of the process. Sadness, grief, missing him, I needed time. Then I began remembering little things he did that were endearing behaviors, good times we shared. Last few months he draped himself over my side when I was lying down, like a wildcat draping himself over a branch in a tree. Such closeness and connection. He was my recovery cat through a tremendous amount of change. Also, remembering how much I appreciated him and the time we had shared. Priceless.

I realized, over time, how he filled my need for touch with kindness and loving eye contact. Things sorely missing living alone with covid. Eventually, I could look at listings for cats to adopt. Grieving usually takes me about two years... Or I would feel resentful of the new cat, that I was replacing the kitty I felt so incredibly connected to, unable to connect fully and authentically with the new kitty. Being open to looking helped me feel better. My son suggested another way to search for a kitty. With my Higher Power's help, a kitty with all the characteristics I was looking for was there. She came home with me, and with such ease. She has been with me a little over a week. We have a very strong connection already. Feelings of being loving, lovable, loved for both of us. Wonder-full!

(my house feels like a home again my world has been set right again with a kitty in it. With CoDA I have learned so much about feelings and needs, being present, being in the present, being mindful, and a whole lot more.

The environment growing up (one might call it a family?) was basically without eye contact, dialogue, or touch for this child. When I found Coda, I could answer, “Yes”, or “NO” to a question and then need to get away as quickly as possible. I had not yet learned how to have a conversation, a dialogue. I have come so incredibly far from where I started.

Appreciating CoDA and many, many changes that are so full of wonder. I feel like I’m getting younger!

Lena - 12/20

Everybody in CoDA has a story to tell. Sharing yours may help thousands of codependents still suffering. Please contribute your experience, strength and hope by emailing your story to wr@coda.org.