“Sanity is acceptance of human imperfection.”

I am so grateful to CoDA.

I had lived a life not understanding that not everyone has shame to their core.

I had thought my childhood did not really harm me but had then spent my life trying to prove I am worthy.

I thought if I can be perfect then maybe I can get rid of my shame.

I had given my higher power to my abusive father and did not know this.

A year ago I was “over fixing” someone else thinking I was being helpful when she said, "I think you maybe are codependent." I am so grateful to that lady.

I had got to the stage my life was unmanageable. The grief of endlessly trying harder to be perfect and never succeeding was exhausting me. No matter how hard I tried it was not working. I was worn out and this was aggravated by the fires of last summer, Covid and several distressing family events. I have great resilience and always 'cope' but I looked into CoDA and decided to give it a go.

The lady who told me about CoDA did so at the perfect time in my life when I was ready to hear.

At first I was sceptical about working the program.

But I decided to have faith in the process.

One year later I am still working the program. I am on Step 2 with my co-sponsor but I have never found anything that has helped me so much.

I know I will always be codependent but no longer beat myself up and shame myself for who I am. I love myself and accept my past. I am finding I can surrender to my new higher power and can mostly remember to do this when I most need it. When I start over fixing that is my sign to surrender and relax into giving my difficulties to my higher power.

Sanity is acceptance of human imperfection. I no longer exhaust myself trying to do the impossible and be perfect. I am having so much more fun this way. My relationships are more fun. I can now tune into my feelings and my wants and needs.

I am grateful to CoDA in so many ways that it would take a long essay to explain.

But it has transformed my sense of who I am in a way counselling and trying harder never could.

This new understanding helps me live a fuller life. I feel excited about life and excited about who I am and possibilities going forward.

Anonymous - 11/24/20

Everybody in CoDA has a story to tell. Sharing yours may help thousands of codependents still suffering. Please contribute your experience, strength and hope by emailing your story to wr@coda.org.