August 4th 2020
Forgiving myself is very heavy lifting, and letting myself find happiness an endless daily pursuit. My family life growing up was, in short, traumatizing. There were nine kids, an alcoholic father and uber-controlling, bible-thumping mother. Chaos reigned daily and fear of being beaten or chastised weaved through the fibers of my daily existence. At nine years old, I dreamt about my funeral continually, not knowing if I would physically survive, and if anyone would ever know I was missing. F ...Continue Reading
July 28th 2020
Tradition Nine Ever since I started doing service beyond attending meetings I have been puzzled by Tradition 9. “CoDA as such ought never be organized, but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.” What is “CoDA as such” and what isn’t? Recent experience has cleared some of the fog for me. Years ago I started doing service with a CoDA group doing work so demanding that we could not deal with organizational matters involving other parts of CoDA serv ...Continue Reading
July 21st 2020
From Being Codependent to Being Sufficient I had the feeling of being always alone, even when surrounded by dozens of people, even when I had a long list of so-called “friends”, even when being a favorite of many people, and even when fulfilling all my responsibilities in a perfect manner. Then surfing around the internet one day I came across CoDA and read all about codependency. I got a sudden wave of shock and goosebumps all over my body; I am codependent. All the feelings of loneliness, of ...Continue Reading
July 14th 2020
I write. It's therapeutic. I tell my story. It keeps getting better. I grew up in dysfunction. Heavy drinkers. Work addiction. Sexual abuse. Neglect. Religious fanaticism, which was mom's escape. I did a geographic, which quit working. I worked hard and that quit working. I repeated what I learned in dysfunctional family. Familiar. I was emotionally. spiritually, psychologically bankrupt. Doctor suggested treatment, where I learned about meetings, 12 simple steps. Thanks God. Did 90 meeting ...Continue Reading
July 6th 2020
My journey through service in CoDA has been bumpy but one of the greatest spiritual learning experiences of my life. I fell into a committee, attended a convention, and met people just like me from all around the world. I laughed and laughed and laughed, and inwardly cried and cried and cried, that I had come home to a family of wildly sensitive, intelligent, spiritual, wounded, suffering codependents, just like me. I spent a year serving on a committee without realizing that at the same tim ...Continue Reading
June 30th 2020
“I can only keep what I give back” I was born in 1962 to a single mother. My father had left for another state and I did not meet him until I was 2. He was an active alcoholic. My parents married and I had a childhood filled with active alcoholism accompanied with neglect and abuse. I went into foster care at the age of 13. I was told my father’s drinking was because I was a "bad kid”. Flash forward—I am now 58 years old. I got into recovery in my 20s with ACA. I learned that alcoholism ...Continue Reading
June 23rd 2020
“Thanks” My cell phone rings. Usually an out of state area code. I usually answer "Are you calling CoDA?" Usually a timid female voice asks if our "classes" would help? Sure. I ask what's up? And listen for a bit. Then suggest they surf all over the website, including the characteristics. All too often they say they don't have a computer, or internet service. I go upstairs to my desktop, suggesting we go to www.coda.org. I help them find meetings and 1) suggest they go t ...Continue Reading
June 16th 2020
“Fear” A CoDA friend called me this morning. His voice was strained. He apologized for calling, stumbling over his words, his voice thick. He said "...you don't understand. In my case, I'm alone..." and his voice broke. I did my best to comfort him. I said it is normal to be frightened--this is an unprecedented event, we are in uncharted territory. Nothing is the same anymore. Nothing like this has ever happened before. In 1918, influenza spread across the globe. But in 1918, we ...Continue Reading
June 9th 2020
THE ENIGMA I used to think that life was a random series of events with no rhyme or reason. Nothing made sense to me when I was growing up and there were many questions, but answers were few. White was black, straight was crooked, horizontal was vertical, but only on some days and that would be dependent on the moon and how it’s affecting the physical chemistry of its victims on any particular day. I thought that bad luck just happened to me no matter how much I tried to prevent it. Things— ...Continue Reading
June 2nd 2020
Came to believe I joined CoDA about 14 years ago after I asked my husband to leave because he was a sex addict. I had two young children and had been devastated to finally recognize that his behaviors were getting so bad that we could not have him in our home. It was a painful time of great uncertainty. Telling our kids that my ex was not treating me with the love and respect I needed was not all that helpful to them. When I went to my first meeting, I was afraid there would be homeless peop ...Continue Reading
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