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SPONSORSHIP IN CoDA
Sponsorship in CoDA is essentially different from sponsorship in other 12 step groups because of the nature of the disease of codependence
To be effective, CoDA sponsorship depends on the development of healthy boundaries on control issues such as advice-giving, care-taking, and rescuing
Giving feedback as sponsors, we can develop skills to be honest without advising, lecturing, or being verbally abusive
Sponsorship is a tool of recovery that helps the process of healing
It is not a requirement
It is a 3 way relationship between the sponsee, sponsor, and God
The relationship affirms and supports the sponsee
It provides for the sponsee's needs for guidance, safety, and trust
This relationship is a good place to learn about personal boundaries
It is the newcomer's responsibility to choose a sponsor
The sponsor listens to the sponsees story and guides the sponsee through the 12 steps
It is important to have someone who will point out codependent behavior -when asked - and who can share their own experience, strength, and hope in recovery
The requirements of sponsorship are determined by the 2 people based on personal preference
It is OK to choose a different sponsor
We do this directly, honestly, and gently
(For characteristics of a CoDA sponsor, see pg 8 in the Sponsorship Booklet, and pgs 8 & 9 in the Sponsorship: What's in It for Me? booklet which is CoDA's newest piece of literature
) Meeting to discuss how we will work together - stating our boundaries, limitations, expectations, wants and needs - is the best method for us to begin this relationship
Flexibility is important and talking through conflict (examining my part) allows for change in recovery
The sponsorship relationship can provide only temporary peace of mind
For most, true progress in recovery depends upon working the 12 steps
Giving specific direction is something not covered by our sponsorship commitment
How can any of us know - let alone choose - what's best for another? We understand this to be God's job
Connecting first with our Higher Power is most important
We become willing to put aside the belief that we are responsible for another's well being, or that someone else is responsible for ours
In the process we can learn to be accepting, forgiving, and patient
Most of us find new ways to give and receive love
Sponsors are not therapists, but can suggest seeking professional help
Sponsors listen without offering solutions for sponsees' problems
To be a sponsor, it is recommended we be attending meetings and working the Steps ourselves for at least 6 months
It is strongly recommended we have sponsors of our own
Sponsoring deepens understanding of the Steps and Traditions
"It teaches me about myself, my triggers, and my insecurities
It helps me see my own spiritual growth and keeps me honest about my shortcomings
"
Sponsorship is a two-way street of commitment, hard work, sharing, vulnerability, integrity, flexibility, and boundary setting
It is also about humility and the willingness to learn from another person's experience
(This document is compiled from the following CoDA approved literature: Sponsorship Booklet, Newcomers Handbook, Sponsorship: What's in It for Me? booklet, and Sponsorship pamphlet
)
If you have a general question about CoDA (as opposed to the specific content of this email), please email outreach@coda org
For questions in Spanish, please email espanol@coda org
This mailing list is announce-only.
The purpose of this list is to share information with any & all CoDA members, especially that which may effect CoDA as a whole.
We will be sending out regular emails with CoDA events, announcements, issues & CoDA business of interest to both specific regions & to the entire CoDA fellowship.
Per the 2nd tradition, For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority, a loving higher power as expressed to our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern. Developing a group conscience requires an informed fellowship, & to be effective trusted servants those you've elected must know the group conscience of the fellowship.
Per the 11th & 12th Traditions this list is private & anonymous.
https://coda.org/privacy/