Emotional Sobriety

I’ve been thinking a lot about emotional sobriety lately. I spent two years being intentionally celibate and focusing on myself, my codependent patterns and my recovery.

In CoDA I learned about boundaries. Recently, I started dating again, and at the very end of our first video call, the prospect told me he was separated, almost like it was an afterthought. I sat with that for a while because I have a boundary about not dating people who are separated, but I chose to move forward anyway, even though things didn’t fully align. The chemistry was popping, the attraction was high, and I felt really lonely, so I ignored my own boundary.

After becoming intimate, a rupture ensued. He told me, “Something tells me you’re just not the one,” and said he had consulted his therapist about it. That brought up a lot for me around attachment and self-worth.

I blocked him immediately, and since January that experience has haunted me. I’ve felt disappointed in myself for overriding my boundary, but also proud, because I previously stayed in relationships way past their expiration, and this time I didn’t stay. When he said I “was not the one” I recognized that I needed to abandon him and come back to myself.

I’ve also recently started working with runes as a spiritual practice, using them as a way to slow down, reflect, and listen more deeply to my intuition. Last night I pulled a rune that represents disruption and clearing, and it felt like a clear message to release what isn’t aligned and allow necessary change. I deleted the singles app and decided to step away from dating again.

I’m here in CoDA because I want to continue practicing emotional sobriety and make choices that are grounded, aligned, and self-honoring in healthy and loving relationships.

Hilda F.
04/11/2026

Everybody in CoDA has a story to tell. Sharing yours may help thousands of codependents still suffering. We are always accepting submissions. Please contribute your experience, strength and hope by emailing your story to wr@coda.org.