I Keep Coming Back

I’ve been a 12-Stepper since 2014, but I didn’t discover CoDA until a few years later. I first became committed to the program back in 2017 or 2018. It was all face-to-face meetings back then. Fast forward to 2020 and the start of the pandemic, I started going to virtual meetings but then I left in 2021, came back in 2023, then left in 2024, and came back last year in November of 2025. Needless to say, I had big avoidance patterns and commitment issues in regard to my relationship with CoDA itself. (That’s my little CoDA sense of humor there).

However, I’d like to give myself grace and to believe that none of it was a mistake. As I’ve learned from someone in CoDA, I always did the best I could with what I knew at the time, and when I know better, I do better. I just always thought the solution to my problems was in another fellowship, which I still go to often since 2024 among other fellowships because I’m a triple winner as some old-timers say, or I would think the solution was in a different spiritual program that had nothing to do with 12 Steps.

In that journey of going in and out of different fellowships, I did some of the Steps and I even did a Step 4 and a Step 5 for the first time and finished it during the pandemic in a fellowship that wasn’t CoDA. I also learned a lot about myself within that journey and about others. I decided to recommit to CoDA meetings last year because there were a lot of changes and disruptions going on in several of my relationships, all platonic, but all of them were meaningful to me and I relapsed.

I’m still recovering from some of that, including new stressors in my life now. I keep coming back because CoDA is one of the best fellowships out there in my humble opinion, especially when it comes to relationships. CoDA has so much literature that has really helped me over the years and even recently. I was able to set a boundary with a friend, and even though I was really scared of how she would react, it didn’t go bad at all.

On the contrary, it was ten times better than what I expected, of course I was anxious about it all month but now that I’ve done it, at least I can relax a bit more with regards to my friendship with her. This week, I’ve noticed how I’m catching myself more before I interrupt my mom while she’s talking to me, just like how I always ask her to not interrupt me while I’m speaking. 

The main reason as to why I came back this time is because I’ve realized I had ignored my instincts/intuition last year with regards to certain people, and I want to be able to trust myself more before committing myself to any relationship even if it’s a sponsor or a therapist. In sum, I’ll keep coming back because it works when I work it, and I’m worth it.

Shani 
02.01.2026

Everybody in CoDA has a story to tell. Sharing yours may help thousands of codependents still suffering. We are always accepting submissions. Please contribute your experience, strength and hope by emailing your story to wr@coda.org.