Courage

One of the most eye-opening pieces of literature for me in CoDA are the Patterns of Recovery. One of the patterns that I could relate to was: Codependents often compromise their own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger. I recently had a situation where I experienced the "In Recovery" side of the pattern. In recovery I am rooted in my values, even if others don't agree or become angry. I was told to do something at work that is not mandatory, and I do not enjoy doing. I am happy to help where I can, and I often do things I am asked to do that do not fall under my job description. 

However, this was not one of those things. I approached my boss and asked her to please find someone else. She got angry and even made a comment about how she was hoping I would be flexible. I expressed that I was happy to help where I can, but this was not mandatory and therefore I would be opting out. 

In the past I would've either not had the courage to approach her for fear of her reaction (anger), approached her and asked timidly and then acquiesced, or set the boundary and ruminated all day over the matter and be in fear of retaliation or fear of her being mad at me "forever". I stood my ground and felt good about myself. I did ruminate a little on the situation but nothing major and I called a couple of people to process the situation. I still struggle with compliance, but ever since joining CoDA I've been able to speak up for myself and set/uphold appropriate boundaries.

OJ
10.30.2025

Everybody in CoDA has a story to tell. Sharing yours may help thousands of codependents still suffering. We are always accepting submissions. Please contribute your experience, strength and hope by emailing your story to wr@coda.org.