The Art of Letting Go

Before I started coming to CoDA meetings, I had no clue how much control I was holding onto. I didn’t even think I had control issues — I just thought I was managing my life the best I could. I’m really grateful my friend told me about this program, because I can see now how much I needed it. From the second I walked in, I knew I was right where I was supposed to be.

About once a month I do breathwork, and before it starts, they always ask you to set an intention — what you want to get out of the session. I never really have a clear answer for that, but this time, I tied it into my step work. Since I’ve been working Step Two, I said, “I want to trust the universe.”

By the time I came out of that session, I realized something big — I had actually moved into Step Three. It wasn’t just a thought — I felt it. I saw how this constant need to control everything — every thought, every emotion, every situation — was really just my way of trying to hold myself together.

I don’t control other people — I control myself in relation to them. I control situations, how I feel, what I do — all in an effort to keep things safe and together. And a lot of the time, I do it through subtle manipulation. Not in a cruel way — but by trying to manage outcomes, soften truths, say things just right so people react the way I need them to. It’s still control, just dressed up to look like care. All in an effort to keep things safe and together.

But the truth is, in the end, I fall to pieces anyway. I don’t even let myself feel the effects of this because I’m afraid of losing control. And I’m tired, really tired of living that way.

So, I’m letting go. I’m choosing to trust that the universe has me. I’m done trying to control myself into safety. I want to let life flow through me instead of constantly fighting it. I want to move forward and have healthy relationships — not just for me, but for the people in my life who get caught in my fear and control.

I’m ready for something more.

Bob H.
10.29.2025

Everybody in CoDA has a story to tell. Sharing yours may help thousands of codependents still suffering. We are always accepting submissions. Please contribute your experience, strength and hope by emailing your story to wr@coda.org.