Recovery and Healing

I have always liked analyzing myself and my environment. Today I believe this is partly a symptom of my parentified-codependent functioning. I noticed that analyzing and rationalizing doesn't help healing. It also delays or makes change impossible, so I began striving for deeper self-knowledge and self-acceptance in the fall of 2023, when I joined the CoDA online community. 

My mother's alcohol problems significantly contributed to my self-esteem, as well as my internal image of the world, shaping my belief system. In harder times, I force toxic positivity on myself, but today I can see its harmful effects and consequences. My father is surely codependent besides an addicted person, but perhaps he has also become depressed in recent years. I find it difficult to accept that I cannot change my loved ones living in my environment, because it hurts to see how they make unfavorable decisions, engaging in self-sabotage, sometimes self-destruction. In CoDA I am learning to accept with patience: the only one I can change is myself.

My relationship has been healthier since I've been working on myself. I have a sponsor and with the help of meditations I can reflect daily on my inner child, my experiences, my momentary state of mind. The step work also supports me in remaining emotionally sober and realistic. I gratefully thank you for allowing me to share this.

Lilla
08.03.2025