Taking Off the Mask

My life started to change drastically once I started on my CoDA journey over 6 years ago. I was 53 years old and was still struggling letting go of a very unhealthy relationship a year prior. My friends suggested a book to read that introduced me to CoDA. I immediately found a home group and listened like my life and sanity depended on it. Because it did. We went out to fellowship after the meeting and that helped me to get one on one help until I found a sponsor to take me through the steps.

My eyes were wide open, and I could no longer be in denial about how unhealthy ALL of my relationships were: my family, my son, my friends, my job, and especially all my romantic relationships. I started to see that most of my relationships were not 'real' because I wore a mask in each one. Trying to be who I thought they wanted me to be. Because I was so afraid of not being accepted, of being abandoned. And worst of all, not being loved.

My whole character was built on SHAME. I was ashamed to be me. I was taught as a very young child that who I was was not enough. Was not okay. That I needed to be ‘something’ other than who I was to get love and acceptance. I kept morphing into something else because I never got the nurturing that I needed. I never found the right thing. I was exhausted.

Coming to CoDA and working on learning how to be authentic and be the real me was the most important and fulfilling journey of my life. It's been fun and it's been hard, and it's been exciting and it's been challenging. What has made it all possible is the CoDA meetings, the Fellowship, my new friends in CoDA who like me just as I am. And most importantly, the boundaries that I set with all the other people in my life. Especially my family. There is so much opportunity for growth and change and freedom and joy in this program. Just stay.

Michelle B.
San Diego, CA
01.29.2025

Everybody in CoDA has a story to tell. Sharing yours may help thousands of codependents still suffering. We are always accepting submissions. Please contribute your experience, strength and hope by emailing your story to wr@coda.org.