“Flooding” as My Teacher

I learned about the concept of flooding when I first joined CoDA three years ago.  I heard someone share about their problem with flooding in what is now my home group.  And I kept hearing people mentioning it as we spoke on CoDA phone calls.  For me, it means that I speak usually quickly and in long diatribes often fueled by resentment and fear.  At these times, I literally “flood” the conversation, like water flooding a neighborhood during a hurricane, only I use words and emphasis and vehemence.  I realize that sometime in the past this habit might have been effective in “getting my way,” but it no longer serves me. 

In what situations do I exhibit this character defect?  I’ve done this to my wife for years and never realized it.  I’d be talking about a topic, enjoying myself, bathing in my flow of words, demonstrating my genius, when she would bristle, get an annoyed look on her face.  When I flooded her with words, she would get defensive and withdraw.  Then I would feel hurt, dejected, and respond by saying something like, “Why don’t you listen to me?  Can’t you pay attention?  You really don’t love me!”  As the patterns warn us, that kind of language only invites others to reject us more.

I also found that I do this in my job as a teacher.  I’d start pontificating on a simple topic, go off on a tangent, get resentful at some idea or another and forget what I was talking about!  Usually, I would figure it out as I look out at the numb faces and blank eyes of the students.  Then, I would stop and feel embarrassed with myself.

And I have found myself doing it in committee meetings, both for work and for service in recovery.  I get an idea, and I must thoroughly express it, leave no angle or perspective unexplored.  When I get going sometimes it’s hard to stop.  As I’ve participated in my CoDA committee meetings, however, I’ve begun to see the beauty in silence, in letting others have a say.

Jim H.

08/09/2024

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