Self-Analysis

My self-analysis has frequently been faulty. Sometimes I've failed to share my defects with the right people; at other times, I've confessed their defects, rather than my own; and at still other times, my confession of codependent defects has been more in the nature of loud complaints about my circumstances and my problems.

Nevertheless, I think I've usually been able to make a fairly thorough and searching job of finding and admitting my personal defects. Yet this pretty well-ventilated condition is nothing for self-congratulation. Long ago I was lucky enough to see that I'd have to keep up my self-analysis or else blow my top completely. Though driven by stark necessity, this continuous self-revelation – to myself and to others – was rough medicine to take. But years of repetition has made this job far easier.

When I took the Fifth Step of CoDA with all the thoroughness I could muster, the part of me that I feared the most no longer frightened me.

Many people who believe wonder what atheists do when tough times befall us. To whom do we turn if not to God? I turn to friends and reason and experiences of the past. I now think, based on previous events, that the odds are I will get through whatever comes in my life until it ends.

I know that my life is no longer my own. My life now is in the hands of ‘a new Employer.’ Even though I still complain now and then about the working conditions and sometimes have trouble getting along with my fellow employees, it's a great improvement over the way things were when I was in charge.

Steve L. 5/17/2023

Everybody in CoDA has a story to tell. Sharing yours may help thousands of codependents still suffering. We are always accepting submissions. Please contribute your experience, strength and hope by emailing your story to wr@coda.org.