Discovering Myself

My name is Jennifer, and I am codependent. I didn't realize that until two weeks ago when my partner had a fit of rage. This time he tore a door off its hinges. Seeing that and feeling that energy made me realize all my romantic relationships looked exactly the same. I am and have been dating men that were similar to my dad. Aloof. Loner-ish. Have some sort of substance abuse, depression, or temperament issue.

Every. Single. Relationship. I shunned men who were "too nice" as I thought something was wrong with them. I have been going from relationship to relationship seeking the approval, safety, and nurturing relationships I didn't get growing up.

I had a revelation. I saw the patterns. I saw the history. All of this in the making to help me discover that I do not know myself. I have abandoned myself to please others. Tiptoeing around others to make them happy and seeking approval.

I no longer want to live like that. I am new to CoDA. But I am determined to get my life back. To feel the way I know I should feel.

Jennifer - 03.25.2023

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