Finding Strength in Me

Hi, my name is Debbie and I’m codependent.

I came into the CoDA rooms nearly two years ago. To say “I never looked back” would be untrue. Many a time when I was adequately side-tracked by my ‘significant other’ at the time, I would barely pay CoDA lip service.

But now when look I back, I have my CoDA journey to look back on. I look back towards ‘me’. CoDA has been there as a gentle reminder that I will not find strength in anyone else, I will only find strength in me.

As I begin to have an inkling of understanding what ‘finding strength in me’ means it begins as a very uncomfortable process. The last person I want to be with is me. I experience feelings of loneliness - where are the ‘others’ in my life? Why can’t I reach out to them? Why am I the only one readily available?

So, I begin to learn to slow down and stop avoiding ‘me’. I use the tools of the CoDA program to help me through this unfamiliar place. I practice self-care. I meditate, I hand over my life and my will, I go to my regular CoDA meeting, and I share with my sponsor.

I learn how to practice self-care every second, every minute, every hour of the day. I’m not there yet, but that’s ok. As long as I keep working my CoDA tools I will start to feel comfortable in my own company. I will look back at a new me. Not the me my childhood experiences created - but the new version of me. I can’t wait!

Debbie 12/27/2022

Everybody in CoDA has a story to tell. Sharing yours may help thousands of codependents still suffering. We are always accepting submissions. Please contribute your experience, strength and hope by emailing your story to wr@coda.org.