There is a sweet spot in my recovery. I call it the CoDA train. I got on this train in August of 2016. I boarded it in a state of Denial; the city was Survival. As the train gained speed, I looked at the schedule next to the door and found my destination to be Guilt and Shame. I sat down and thought OH NO! I got on the wrong train. But then I thought Survival and Denial are behind me now; maybe there is another connection.

I took a flyer out of the seatback, and it said there was a CoDA meeting in the club car at 12:15. Then the conductor punched my ticket, and I asked him, “Is there another connection?” I will never forget what he said. “Your destination is up to you, but as long as you stay on this train you are safe.”

So, I went to the CoDA meeting at 12:15. They said the train stops from time to time. People get on and people get off, but if you stay on the train and visit the club car once a week, you will never reach a state of Shame or the town of Guilt.

That day I found my Serenity on the “IN THIS MOMENT EXPRESS.” Now I am beginning to get it, and I have Hope, and life makes sense.

James K – 8/13/21

Everybody in CoDA has a story to tell. Sharing yours may help thousands of codependents still suffering. We are always accepting submissions. Please contribute your experience, strength and hope by emailing your story to wr@coda.org.