God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

I was raised by a narcissist mother who turned her back on me when I first got married. My spouse was verbally abusive and an alcoholic. I ended my first marriage five years ago only to find myself in two more relationships with narcissists.

CoDA helped me to dig deep into myself and to figure out my need to be in toxic relationships and my fear of being alone. I discovered I had huge abandonment issues from childhood because my mother left me in a room at five to be abused by someone older than me. The result was very bad trauma and PTSD. I really thought about the Serenity Prayer and found acceptance that all this happened. And no matter how hard I wanted my life to be different I could not change what was done to me, so I had to find the courage to change the things I can.

I do this by not needing a man in my life and setting healthy boundaries for myself. Through prayer and meditation so far the PTSD is gone and I have the wisdom to watch for red flags and to not tell someone I don't know well yet new things for a long time. Through prayer and meditation I am loving myself. My son became an alcoholic that verbally abused me but I can’t fix him and he’s broken. I learned through the program that those are his issues and it is not for me to carry. Yes it hurts like a knife but I have the right to be happy and free. If I made it through this there’s hope for recovery. It works if you work it and you're worth it.

God bless, 

Cathy️ - 05/18/21

Everybody in CoDA has a story to tell. Sharing yours may help thousands of codependents still suffering. We are always accepting submissions. Please contribute your experience, strength and hope by emailing your story to wr@coda.org.