‘I Always Thought Codependency Only Had to Do with Romantic Relationships’

I always thought codependency only had to do with romantic relationships, and since I didn’t have issues in that area, I didn’t think it applied to me. However, when I learned codependency can show up in any relationship, I soon realized I had been living my life in a way that was making me miserable and was starting to destroy my relationships with family members.

To put it simply, I was becoming more and more obsessed with my mother.

I wanted to control everything about her. She could do nothing right in my eyes. I spent hours obsessively judging her in my head. Then I would criticize her openly, offer unsolicited advice, and/or act passive-aggressively towards her whenever I saw her or spoke to her.

I was also starting to try to control my oldest son in obsessive ways. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I would tell myself over and over to just quit thinking about my mom- to just act nicely to her. But I never could. I couldn’t help myself. I felt crazy- and I finally, I began to be open to the idea that I might be codependent.

I started listening to meetings, and talking to people who had recovered from codependency. I wanted what they had- freedom and peace. I worked the 12 steps with a sponsor using the AA big book, just adapted for codependency.

That was over a year ago, and since then, my thinking has changed dramatically.

My relationship with my mother is being repaired, and I have a much better relationship with my son. I’m not perfect, and I still have my moments, but I’m able to stop the obsessive thinking now with the help of my Higher Power. I’m so thankful to CoDA!

Carolyn L., 12/22/20

Everybody in CoDA has a story to tell. Sharing yours may help thousands of codependents still suffering. Please contribute your experience, strength and hope by emailing your story to wr@coda.org.