CoDA Weekly Reading 11/17/20

 
From: "CoDA Weekly Reading" <co-nnectionreadings@codependents.org>
Subject: CoDA Weekly Reading 11/17/20
Date: November 17th 2020

Grieving My Losses

I have grieved the loss of four parents, a baby daughter, a brother, friends, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and many beloved pets. Each one was as difficult as the last.

Since I have been in recovery and working hard and earnestly on my codependent issues, I’m suffering a different kind of loss now.

Not only am I experiencing the death of myself and my core issues from early on faulty wiring, but each time I flex a new muscle that I didn’t know I had, I lose friends who I thought were firm and solid at the foundation. I thought the core of our relationship was as hard as stone, yet began crumbling when I set boundaries.

This is not only confusing, but it triggers me on so many levels such as my self-esteem, trust, conditional love and acceptance, loss, and finally grieving.

The loss of a friendship is like a death.

During recovery, there were people who understood what I was doing, and why I had to do it. They have given me space, respect, strength courage, and understanding.

To these people I am grateful.

Some people though, even after seeing what happened to me in 2018 from me drinking for years to bury my codependent scars, also when I spent years being the invisible force holding up their stage prop as they took all the bows for themself.

Not to mention the friends I spent years being codependent by supplying them with food and meals and whatever they needed for years.

I had feelings from the start that something was wrong and I ignored those feelings and found myself in a relationship that was nothing more than a give and take, and take a whole lot more sinkhole of relationships. When I was in the hospital, people stepped up for my husband, but not other people, unless monetary gain was involved, even after more than a decade of helping some of them out in more ways than I can mention.

My attempt at setting boundaries has been met with anger and pettiness. My attempt to explain my recovery has fallen on deaf ears again and again until I am forced to walk away. It’s so painful when this happens. People who I never thought would turn on me in years have done just that, and others whom I didn’t think would be there, were there through all of it with me, and they continue to be respectful and understanding with me while I discover myself along the good road of healing.

Thank you for reading my story

Pamela W – 9/2/20

 

 

Everybody in CoDA has a story to tell. Sharing yours may help thousands of codependents still suffering. Please contribute your experience, strength and hope by emailing your story to wr@coda.org.

 

You can review previous 2015 - 2020 readings here: http://codependents.org/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/list/connections/ .

Older readings are here: https://coda.org/co-nnections-recovery-stories/

If you have a friend who would like to subscribe, please have them go here: http://www.codependents.org

If you have a general question about CoDA (as opposed to the specific content of this email), please email info@coda.org

If you wish more information by phone, please call (888) 444-2359 {Toll free} or (602) 277-7991.

For Spanish inquiries you may email espanol@coda.org or call (888) 444-2379 {Spanish toll free}.

  • This mailing list is a public mailing list - anyone may join or leave, at any time.
  • This mailing list is announce-only.

Each week, subscribers will automatically receive an email with a new "recovery reading". Hopefully, viewing this member created work will provide subscribers with thoughts to reflect upon during the remainder of the week.

Privacy Policy:

Per the 11th & 12th Traditions this list is private.

https://coda.org/privacy/