I frequently return to Step 1. Although I have worked all my Steps during my years working my program, I find myself facing situations and people in my life that I am unable to control. In fact, it’s in my most intimate relationships where I find myself wanting to control the people who affect me daily. It’s in these relationships that I most frequently act out my codependent patterns and characteristics. That’s a given. These behaviors never disappear completely; instead I learn how to manage them. Of the many tools I have available to me, I often return to my Steps, whichever ones are most appropriate and effective in helping me achieve emotional sobriety.

What I most appreciate about Step 1 is that it reminds me that I am powerless (over other people) and unmanageable (when I reactively try to control others). I don’t want to admit this; I am full of pride and negative self-talk, and in returning to Step 1 this pride tells me that I am a failure and that I am weak. I then have to use healthy self-talk to remind myself that I have not been cured, that I am not a failure and that my goal is to be honest with myself and to manage my behavior in order to realize Promise 2: to overcome my fears to act with courage, integrity, and dignity. And when I do this, I am stronger. But I have to start with the awareness that I just acted out in a manner that is not consistent with my goal. I must take ownership of that and not be afraid to admit it.

Gary L. – 1/31/19

Everybody in CoDA has a story to tell. Sharing yours may help thousands of codependents still suffering. Please contribute your experience, strength and hope by emailing your story to wr@coda.org.

You can review previous 2015 - 2019 readings here: http://codependents.org/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/list/connections/ .

Older readings are here: http://connections.coda.org/index.cfm/categories

If you have a friend who would like to subscribe, please have them go here: http://www.codependents.org

If you have a general question about CoDA (as opposed to the specific content of this email), please email info@coda.org

If you wish more information by phone, please call (888) 444-2359 {Toll free} or (602) 277-7991.

For Spanish inquiries you may email espanol@coda.org or call (888) 444-2379 {Spanish toll free}.