CoDA Weekly Reading 3/12/19

 
From: "CoDA Weekly Reading" <co-nnectionreadings@codependents.org>
Subject: CoDA Weekly Reading 3/12/19
Date: March 12th 2019

Even after initially discovering codependency and reading books that helped me slightly to detach, I never truly knew just how abusive my relationship was until I was recently arrested for domestic violence. Never in a million years did I imagine that I, an attractive, seemingly well put together, young petite woman would end up in jail for two nights, with a battery charge.

My relationship was built on lies, manipulation, alcoholism, jealousy, violencethe opposite of the definition of love. I always knew this but in my mind I was fighting for better days. I stayed and I stayed, and my partner stayed, and lied and cheated, and I built up more and more anger and more and more resentment, but I refused to face it, and I refused to let go.

One night I read messages between him and a woman exchanging I love yous, and I was drunk and in anger threw his tablet and after physically fighting each other, and his Rottweiler biting me a few times, he called the police.

When the cops arrived I admitted to being the perpetrator to avoid his arrest, not knowing I would be arrested instead. I guess I thought it would never happen to me. They took me to a hospital in handcuffs to have the dog bites cleaned and stitched and I spent the next two days in ja< /span>il.

Its been three months since this incident. I have had no contact with him since and I am struggling so much to move past this, but I am so proud of myself for my progress. With the help of CoDA readings and therapy I have discovered many reasons for having lost myself the way th at I dId. I wrote this poem hopIng to reach out to those experiencing anythIng similar to what I've been through. I know what it feels lIke to hide in lonely dark corners that you think no one else has been In. I often wondered: what the hell happened to me? I often must remind myself, I can do this. I can recover.

 

What happened to you?
So you are burned and bru
ised?
You escaped the belly of
Codependency
and you’re st
ill battered and used


You still miss your abuser
but you don’t tell a soul
to avo
id their confusion
Decept
ion strong rooted


You’re so weak to the enemy
Let h
im run you in circles
Let h
im brIng you to your knees
To beg and plead


What happened to you?
You can learn
How to s
it in your bones
And
your scars
They will show
As s
igns of strength
And tremendous growth


You can shine
Brighter Than your aggressor
Br
ighter Than your dependence
Br
ighter Than the toxic situation
You can take deep breaths
You can pray
The pa
in to go away


What happened to you?
You forgot you are
Born alone
It
is you
Who must create
Your own home


And a man who puts his hands
Around your neck
Will
suffocate your soul
Will always cause
Chaos beyond your control


Can you see what you miss?
What love you’re longIng to k
iss?
Maybe next t
ime
He w
ill hit with his fist
What happened to you?

 

Best Regards,

Monica M. – 11/30/18

 

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