The word codependency was introduced to me years ago after I had my first realization I couldn't control my life and those around me. I felt like I was losing my grasp on reality and reached out to my family and they took me to see a counselor the next day. I only saw this counselor once and left his office flustered and feeling resentful that it didn’t "help." He used the word codependency and it has lingered in my mind for the past decade.

Shortly after this moment in my life, substance abuse became a means of feeling comfortable in my skin and being able to be around others. I was swept up in negativity and self-esteem issues. I've struggled with relationships with family, significant others, friends, and coworkers my whole life. I have struggled with my feelings of relying on others’ approval of me to give me my worth. If I just managed well then all would be well. I never managed well for any indefinite time.

My struggles with substances led me to seek help and having found a 12 step program geared towards sobriety I have been sober 2 years now. My life has improved exponentially from this program, but I still lack self-esteem and self-confidence. My relationships with others have been rocky to some extent and have brought out in me the realization that my codependency is still very much present.

That word codependency has been an ever present background voice in my mind. Having reached a place of unmanageability I realized that I needed help. I reached out to members of CoDA and in doing so have taken my first step to recovery. My 1st step of admitting that I am powerless over others and that my life has become unmanageable has brought me to this program of recovery. I know that it's not going to be a quick fix but this first step in itself is bringing me to a better way of life by seeking help and being willing to do what so many others have found really works.

Justin W - 11/10

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