I used to drink with my boyfriend almost every other night. That was our main hobby, drinking. I felt I needed revenge on him so many times because he'd let his phone die and would go out drinking till almost the next day. Meanwhile I worried, cried, and broke up with him, only to return to the same cycle.

I have forgiven an unbelievable amount of mistakes in this relationship as well as made an unbelievable amount of mistakes. I manipulated him as much as he has manipulated me.

I recently sobered up a bit. After I stopped going out as much I tried to control my boyfriend into doing the same and I would drive myself insane when I realized he wasn't changing. He fought me for his right to go out and drink with his friends no matter what I did.

At the end of last year he tried to leave me and I made myself so helpless to him that he stayed. He said he would make changes, but he never did. One night I yelled at him so loudly I almost had the cops called on me.

Advice from friends and family never sufficed because I felt no one attempted to relate, only judge. It was easy to say: leave him! But for me the fear of leaving was too overwhelming.

His sister gave me a copy of a well-regarded book on codependency, a book she said helped her deal with her mother's alcoholism.

After just a few chapters I am more enlightened than I've ever been. I am ready to DETACH and allow life to occur without gripping tightly and controlling things I can't control. I am learning that worrying fixes nothing. I am learning that overreacting only harms ME. I am learning that I AM IMPORTANT. My peace of mind is the only thing that I can control. I am learning that I am amazing and able. I have a lot of love and passion to give. I just need to get better!

I have not left my boyfriend, yet I am taking steps to detach from my obsessive thoughts, taking steps to avoid reacting, and I am hoping this allows me to breathe and make a final decision about how productive my relationship truly IS, not what it CAN be and not what it HAS BEEN.

Monica M. – 6/12/18

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