Hello, I am presently in a caregiver situation with my mother. I am staying with her in her home. She is sick with weakness and aging problems. My relationship has been rocky from the start and I am remembering what it was like as a teenager at home and the reasons why I left early to make a life of my own. Nevertheless it has been a time to spend with mom and help with the burden of losing independence.

CoDA has helped me through the process of letting go of the personal attacks of blame and victimhood that can ensue at this time of life. My mom feels alone and left to figure out the end of her life herself. She is doing a good job of managing in spite of the obstacles.

The group meeting has given me stories that are harder than mine and it strengthens me. It is a trust to share in other women’s lives as they face their past and present and seek hope for the future. I am loved by God and I can forgive myself for not rescuing my sisters from their childhood. As the older sister I thought I had to do this. Now I am free of all responsibility to my younger siblings and can live my life, not in regret but in fullness. I know I can ruminate on the past or present but I am learning to forgive my parents for not being there for me. I want to give my kids my presence and support so that I do not regret the years ahead of grand-parenting.

The gifts we give are from fullness not from emptiness and from thankfulness not from bitterness.

Caron S - 7/27/18

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