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Step One

We admit we are powerless over others and our lives have become
unmanageable.

Rockbottom.

I hit Rockbottom at Christmas, and recognized it through reading a book
I found at the Hospice Shop called "Codependence and Detachment".
At sixty, I realised I had spent my life pleasing others, controlling,
advising and guiding, putting off 'my own good' forever, trying to
'fix' the 'unfixable',
instead of facing myself and my terror at who I thought I might be, what
I might think, and how different I might actually be, if I were myself.

I have had difficulty in all my relationships, including with my Higher
Power, through the insecurity, fear and drive to control my fear,
through the judgements
I have made about others that gave me a feeling of power, and enabled me
to forget my reality.


I love Rockbottom.
It is where I am truly who I am.
It is safe for me because of that.

When I am at Rockbottom, I allow other people to see the naked inside
of me.
I allow myself to see it and be it.
It is delicious,
it is humbling,
it is freeing,
it is fabulous,
it is the truth of being human
and the rare ecstasy of reality.

Maria S - 3/17/18

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