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“In This Moment”, the CoDA Meditation book page 21: “I choose not to listen to my disease” As I sat pondering a topic; it occurred to me to pick up the daily meditation. I usually start my day off with recovery meditations but had not today because I chose to read from our Co-Dependence Anonymous book this morning so my routine was different, not in a negative way; I just changed my routine up.

When I read today's entry it dawned on me; that much of my personal introspective is disease centered. Left to my own devices I will always drift into diseased thinking. I can either choose to give it an ear or turn it off. My knee jerk response is to dwell in diseased thinking, however, through recovery; I am given a new voice. The new voice I am given is that my past does not define me, my present, nor my future. I have heard in meetings that the diseased voice is “chatter”. It is all the negativity that my disease tells me that blurs my outlook; without recovery I will not get the new perspective of love that flows from our fellowship, literature, steps and principles. I can turn to all of these and a loving God that has shown me enough grace to turn to this fellowship instead of wallowing in self-pity. My self-loathing, depression, fear and complacency can all be attributed to my old way of doing things that is disease based. I do not want to live like that and I know my Higher Power does not want me living like that. I have been given recovery to apply in my life so I don’t have to spend it in a miserable reality. The pain I feel is still very much a motivating factor to strive for something better and that something better is applying the tools of recovery to my life and not to listen to my old diseased thinking. It is my choice and today for this very moment; I am listen to the tools of recovery.

Peyton S – 8/15/17

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