Hearing What I Need to Hear

 

Within the fellowship, I always hear something that I need to hear. I may not want to hear whatever it is - at least, my ego may not want to. If I let that take over yet again, then I am in trouble and back up on the cross.

 

There are no bad examples - only good ones of what to do, and what not to do.

 

This - sharing - helps me by reminding me of what I was like, what happened, and what I can be like if I choose to allow myself to slide back into those old habits and false beliefs. However, having tasted what my life can be like when I do the right thing and stop edging God out, I know things can get better and that the god of my understanding answers The Serenity Prayer for me.

 

Serenity was something I never had in my life before I came to a 12 Step Fellowship.

 

Acceptance of the things I could not change - who, me? No! I just kept on battering my head against a wall trying to change the world and all in it! It was that, or allowing myself to be battered because my self-esteem was so very low. I do not have to do that now and, in not doing it but accepting, a measure of serenity comes to me and I feel peaceful with myself.

 

Courage to change what I could change - meaning me - how could I have had that when fear had caused me to erect what I believed was an impenetrable facade to protect my deep inner vulnerabilities and insecurity - rejection, inadequacy, guilt, and many other failures and shortcomings. Deep down, I believed myself to be a defect looking for a character. I am not afraid now to look at myself or to work towards change.

 

As for Wisdom to know the difference - that is taking me a little longer to absorb. But, the god of my understanding certainly provides me with many opportunities to develop it. I simply need to recognize those opportunities and to learn from them.

 

Ali H. (Date Uncertain)

 

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