This is my 1 year in recovery letter. It feels like a lifetime ago that I walked into my first meeting. The person I was then is still with me today, but so much has changed. I have had so many transformative moments, surrendering’s, understandings, and a compassion and love for myself that is greater now than any other time in my life.

But I realize, I have so much growing still to do in loving myself well. I still tend to feel more comfortable in suffering and chaos than in peace. But when I do feel peace I try to relax into it and feel gratitude.

God has worked on me from the inside out at my requests for help. I have moved from a family members house to my own, have a new position, have become a writer, share more easily what is best for me, say no and yes with more strength and have amazing friendships of equality.

My area of growth is with my relationship with my husband. I realize how hard it is for me to share my feelings because I fear he will shut down and leave me emotionally which has been the pattern in the past. I struggle to forgive myself for letting this go on for so long and fear that I will let it continue. I fall back on the 4th promise "I release myself form worry, guilt and regret from my past and present. I am aware enough to not repeat it."

There is hope here. I am so grateful for this journey of recovery, the fellowship of others, and a God that gives me the courage to become what I was intended to be "precious and free."

CC - 6/15/17

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