I'm going to use you: A journey through codependency (Chapters 1-8)

 

*This story was conceived on a road built of yellow bricks, alongside some remarkable characters

*For all those who are teaching me to face my fears and embrace my Super Powers, I am forever in your debt, thank you, you are my Angels

 

Chapter 1

 

I hope you don't mind, I'm going to use you

What you gave me, what you couldn't give to me

And everything in between

 

The laughter, care and attention

The anger, disappointment, and tears

I'll use it all, every bit of it

To push me harder, deeper into myself

Until I know more completely WHO

Is at the core of my being

 

And when I am finally standing tall

In the presence of every fear, passion, desire and truth

Manifesting on my path

When I am free from that which has bound me

Then, I will trust myself enough to let go

 

But for now, I am going to use you

I hope you don't mind

 

Chapter 2

 

Something is shifting

 

Through my own presence I am finding courage

To lay down, open my heart and feel into myself

 

There is much to explore

It has been here a long time

Waiting for me

Patiently

Faithfully

 

Chapter 3

 

This is new

 

I have begun ASKING for that

Which my heart most desires

Now I am RECEIVING

It is powerful, scary and amazing

 

I would like more of this

Please

 

Chapter 4

 

I feel grateful

 

To those capable of intimacy, vulnerability and connection

With my authentic self

The ones brave enough to reach out and touch me

I love when they dare to see me

To hear me

Listening with open hearts

 

Seeking truth, together we commit to removing the lies

That have grown roots in our dreams

Lies which used to keep us safe

But no longer serve us, or anyone

 

I am learning to love this game

 

Chapter 5

 

Reflecting

 

I was afraid to let go

I thought I needed you

I let myself believe you needed me

 

But something is happening

I am coming to see that one day 

You will ask your dreams to manifest

And finally know that which you have 

Searched for but failed yet to find

 

One day you will have ALL you wish for and MORE

When you decide you are ready

When the time is right

In this lifetime or the next

 

Something is saying to me:

"Believe in THIS with ALL your heart and LET GO, NOW!"

 

I am listening

 

Chapter 6

 

How badly I wanted to have, to BE the answers I thought you needed

But something shook me

It felt like Truth

I understand

 

I don't have the right to interfere

So I pray, step back, take the role of witness to the unfolding

And I let go

Trusting that all you desire is coming to you

Wrapped in a perfection only the Universe 

Can fully understand and provide

 

I feel Peace

 

Chapter 7

 

Another message arrived today:

 

For me to see you become All That You Are

To see you have what is yours by Divine Right

I must first become THAT

I must ACCEPT the gifts I am being offered

 

I confess, I was afraid

I was distracting myself with fantasy

Illusions of what I could give you

But this is not about you, I see that now

 

It is about me

 

So, my focus changes

I decide

Commit

To discovering who and what 

My heart most deeply desires to be

 

I say "Yes" to BECOMING All That I Am

 

Chapter 8

 

Thank you

 

You gave me something to hold onto

Something worth trusting that I could believe in

 

But most importantly

You gave me back to my Self

 

For this and more, I Love you

 

Lena - 2/9/16

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