Love, Support and CoDA

Through love and the support of CoDA, I have learned some astounding things about the God of my understanding, others and myself. My wounds are a part of me that have been forced to live dark and fearful silence. They hurt and struggle to get out. They bruise in an attempt to reach light and healing yet can be the greatest source of my strength. I’m working to no longer believe the inner and outer voices demanding that fear needs to be hidden, run from and avoided.

My wounds and fear need to be spoken to and about with clarity, kindness and resolve. I've been aware, during meetings, feeling awkward making eye contact while sharing. I’ve felt awkward and afraid during the social time afterwards. My fear tells me other people are judging and rejecting me. A wiser place in me says, "Maybe my greatest fear is the power to speak my truth others need to hear.” Maybe I fear loving connection more than rejection."

So, I began to work on this at meetings. I prayed out loud at the beginning of my share and spoke about my fear. I requested time limited support from CoDA members. AND MY FEAR IS HEALING!! I realize, deep in my heart, that most people want to feel safe and comfortable inside themselves, moment by moment.

So, when someone chooses to connect with me, or not, they are doing so to care for and comfort themselves. I see another person's choice is never "caused" by me. It mostly has nothing to do with me! When I fear rejection in a group, I now take a breath, and see that most people in our group also fear rejection. So we are together in this. God is urging me to be bold and walk directly to my fear.

I no longer allow codependent comfort - and fear of rejection - to be my prison. I can be bold and brave. I must cultivate my conscious contact with God. I can feel and see God's gifts in my life, with gratitude. I have faith that God will nurture me when I’m feeling lonely and separate from others. When I am with people, I feel my body, breathe, concentrate and listen deeply. Through this, I see and feel my connection to another person, and ask myself: "Is this person good for me? Will this situation benefit my highest good"? If yes, I choose to connect with an equal partner. If no, I release from this person without judging, knowing God will take care of us both.

THANK YOU CODA!

Linda R. (2013)

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